I was just thinking again about being home and remembered one of the cutest interactions of my pregnancy. One of my “big sisters” who I’ve known since I was a college sophomore and the older sister of one of my dearest friends, Adrienne, came to my shower with her two cutie pie daughters in tow, who were mini hostesses for the event. When we were all wrapping up and getting ready to leave, Taylor and Sidney asked me to tell the baby they said hi when he comes out. And I told them they could tell him right then because he can hear them! So they excitedly greeted him (and Sidney waved while saying hi–too cute!), and he started kicking! Their eyes got big, and all three of us grinned. It was such a perfect moment.
Taylor, Adrienne, and Sidney!
Hope everyone is having a great end of the week!!!
I have to say that as I head to the finish line of a fairly tumultuous pregnancy, I am so looking forward to meeting this big boy growing inside of me (and currently stretching and changing positions). I’m also looking forward to my time away from most of my other responsibilities while I just spend time with him, learning to take care of a newborn for the first time. I really can’t wait to his little face!
My house is coming along, very slowly but I think (and hope) surely. Between my cousin and my showers, I think (I’m still inventorying!) I have all the big stuff covered besides the storage things I need to order asap. His nursery has everything it needs besides paint. But back to the showers–I had nothing to do with either one, which was a brand new thing for me, and I appreciate my friends so much for such nice events. Not only were they really nice, but I also got a taste of letting go of control and letting people do nice things for me. Although I’m still not completely on board with being a “surprise” person, I can dig the surprise days of loving on Ranada. Here are a couple of pics of me (with straight hair for the first time in two years!!) at my showers, my gracious hostesses, my core group of friends in Atlanta, and my mom and younger brother and Butterbean’s dad.
Atlanta
33 Weeks!
My Fab Hostesses minus one!
The Crew minus two
Jackson
34 Weeks!
My Hostesses and Beautiful Line Sisters
Love my family
The biggest thing I’ve had to learn over this time is that having faith is one thing when your life is moving along without many hiccups and quite another when you’re actually going through the low moments of your life. Having faith has been pretty hard, but I’m learning that although it’s so much easier to believe God knows what He’s doing when the skies are blue and the grass that really pretty shade of green, it’s most important to hold on to that belief when the sky is black in the middle of the day and it’s thundering and lightning and storming and there’s nothing but ugly concrete as far as the eye can see. And I think it’s pretty cool that the worst of my experience was during the “winter” (the little we had) where it was all ugly and rainy outside, and now that I’m so much more optimistic and positive, I see bright skies out my window and walk out into great weather. There are a couple of songs by Greg O’Quin ‘N Joyful Noize that have helped me during this trial as well as others.
I couldn’t find the other one on YouTube so here are some of the lyrics. It’s called “The Conversation”.
If I never had a rainy day, I’d never know You could brighten my day
If I never felt some loneliness, I’d never know of Your friendliness
If I never fell to the ground, I’d never know You could help me rebound
I’d never ever ever ever know You this way
If I never had a broken heart, I would never know You could mend the parts
If I never reached out for Your hand, I would never know You could help me stand
If I never had to shed a tear, I’d never know You are always near
I never knew You could save me, knew You could heal me, mend a broken heart… I never knew You could touch me, knew You could love me, I never knew until the day You showed me. To know You is to love You…
This week I hit the 50 day mark and am officially less than 2 months away from having a small little human being to take care of and love and hopefully steer onto his life’s true path. I’m more excited than I’ve been throughout this process of realizing how much my life is changing and how much I can’t control or even influence. As he gets bigger and I get more wobbly, he continues more and more to be the source of perspective and gives me literal kicks of reality.
Alonzo Austin I wish I could find a picture with his longer hair and his crooked grin!
Lately, I’ve been thinking about my Uncle Lonzo a lot. And this, I’m sure, is for several reasons. One, he was the one who supported my mom when she was preggo with me, and I just appreciate everything he did for her and for me. Even years after, I still have some misty moments when I think about him being gone because I can only hope that he really knows just how much I loved/love him. He has literally given me the socks off his feet when I needed it. Two, although he’s gone I see so much of him in his kids, who have really been amazing through my journey. It’s kind of another parallel of my mom’s life and my life. She had Lonzo, and I have his family to reach out at the exact right moments. To make me try to eat when I’m tired of trying (yes, I’m 33 weeks and I still get sick). To come with me to lamaze classes so that I’ll have a support partner. To give me a place to be when I’m really sick and need someone right there to help me if I need it. To just make me laugh and make me lighten up when I’m way too heavy. Record Deal (my cousin Kesha’s nickname for Butterbean) has nothing to worry about in terms of a circle of folks who will love him like my uncle loved me.
This week has been super rough because my character has been tested over and over again, and so far I’ve stayed true to who I want to be, but it has been stressful walking the line. And added stress is something I do not need. So let me divert my thoughts to something more pleasant because that’s not even worth the time in my first blog in April (!! I’m slippin!!)–Sunday is my first baby shower!! I don’t know anything about it–not even where the heck it is or what time it starts, but I am excited anyway (but not as much as I might be if I were not in the dark about every single detail imaginable!! Can you believe the girl who has her hands in everything has nothing to do with this!) because I can’t wait to see everybody and see what’s in store because at the end of the day, I don’t have shabby friends so I know it’s going to be great. I have friends from Chi and New York and Charlotte and Richmond and Kentucky (yeah I know that’s not a city, but hey) coming in to show their support and excitement over this big ole bundle of lovin (I love this little alien karate champ so much already!). And so, although I’m constantly making myself steer myself from something that makes me frown to something that makes me feel good and slightly giddy, I’m blessed to have those somethings to steer to.
And so here’s a song I’ve been loving and looking forward to feeling like this more days than not. Because I am so blessed! Through all the trials and issues, I know I am blessed and loved and supported and all that stuff. “Trouble gone happen; it’s just the way it be. Ain’t nothing coming easily in this life; sometimes you gotta work and you gotta grow and it gotta hurt–I’m sure you know; take a look around.”
So you folks that are constantly worried about me, keep on, lol. But not too much because I’ll be a-okay. And so will my baby. I finally believe that (even though sometimes it’s a true matter of faith but that’s what life is about, huh?). It’s amazing how many emotions I can feel in just one day, but I’m sure one day I’ll be grateful for them all. Maybe when my memoir hits the Best-Seller List. LOL Anywho, 7 weeks to go. We’re almost in countdown mode. PRAY FOR US. We got lots to do!
I’m having a much better day than yesterday, and even though my support group probably doesn’t think I always listen to their encouragement, I do. So thanks to all of you. Also, my cousin Warren is in town and took me to P.F. Chang’s last night when my student canceled on me at the last minute. So that was a good stress reliever because you can’t not laugh when you’re around him.
And this morning, baby has been back flipping and rolling nonstop. Who can be down in the dumps when there’s a person (literally) dancing inside? I wish I had a transportable sonogram machine so I could see what in the world he’s doing in there. Maybe I would join in!
For my readers who like to ask me on sidebar how big he is, I’ll know for sure tomorrow, but last time I checked he was about 2 lbs. And according to the emails I get from thebump.com and What to Expect, he’s the size of an acorn squash, not that I really know what that looks like. :-/
Also, here are a couple of pics of me with my bump.
you can't see my pants (i'm not completely sexy) but that's one of my fave sweaters because of its buttons at the neck. Luckily my ma taught me not to wear my clothes too tightly so I still have lots of clothes I can still wear.
Anywho, I was a little sad about not being able to vacay (and having to miss my 10-year college reunion) before Lil Man gets here, but now I have two trips home on the calendar and plan to let my brain rest for a couple of days (so if I don’t respond to your email during those trips, let me make it!) and soak up some hometown loving while I’m there. I need to get away and noone (including my wallet) will let me go to Aruba somewhere by myself). I just need some moments to breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeathe and woosah.
And… I am so excited to go to the doctor tomorrow. The bigger I get, getting my weight measured has become a game of sorts. I’ve been drinking Ensure as if they are mojitos (oh how I miss thee) and eating lots of soup since I can keep that down so fingers crossed that my doc won’t lecture me about the need to gain a little weight tomorrow. And of course I get to hear his heartbeat and get a weight estimate.
Finally, doctor’s appointment means IT’LL BE FRIDAY!! lol. And although I have a couple (ok, few) obligations this weekend, it’ll be a fun weekend because tomorrow night I’m going to see THE HUNGER GAMES (one day I’ll actually write book reviews for the books I’ve read so far in 2012–I’m up to 9 I think–but back to topic, I enjoyed the entire trilogy and am excited to see it on the screen). Saturday night, my group of friends is doing our monthly outing to dinner and to see a high school performance of The Color Purple.
So anyway, lunch break over. Time to get back to it. Hope everyone is doing well! And sending special “please be careful” vibes to Sirobe! Enjoy pursuing your dreams, lovely!
Last Tuesday, my pooch and I experienced something so crazy that he’s still recovering physically and I’m still recovering emotionally. Smokie, although he is a lot more clingy, seems to be remembering life before “The Incident” more and more every day, as evidenced by his new willingness to cross the street to relieve himself (as I keep him right in front of my house because I’m still wary of even being outside especially if the sun is not at its peak).
Ok, so by now, I’m sure you’re like will she tell the story already? Lol, okay, here goes.
So Tuesday night, after a night of creating my first painting just for my baby and signed mommy, I came home and took Smokie out for his routine last walk of the night in the nonexistent safety of my own partially gated subdivision. I always let him off the leash to poop because he doesn’t like pooping on the street (and neither do I). After he turned the corner, a coyote, yes, a coyote, jumped out the bushes across the street to where Smokie was. I ran in the house to find a weapon all the while fighting the urge to hyperventilate because pregnant girls who don’t tote guns don’t have many options and although I wanted Smokie to be okay, I didn’t want to put myself or my baby in danger. Running back outside armed with a boot (smh), I saw the coyote had dragged Smokie to the other side of the street and was trying to carry him back into the brush, but Smokie was giving him trouble. Although he was way bigger than my little brave honey pie, Smokie wouldn’t just lie there and let him kill him. So what did I do? While crying because Smokie’s screams were breaking my heart, I stood in the street in front of my house screaming over and over for Smokie to just get to me. Smokie squirmed enough to get out of its mouth one more time–this time his neck was in its mouth–and outran the coyote to get to me and we went inside where I started the process of figuring out what the hell to do with this dog who was scared and shaking, with holes all over his back bleeding.
We eventually (quickly but it didn’t seem like it then because since Animal Control was NO help I had to go upstairs, get on the Internet, find my own after hours pet hospital while shaking and trying to keep my eye on Smokie to make sure he was alert even though he was hiding and call to make sure they would take him and could help him) got to The Ark Animal Hospital, where after I completed a load of paperwork, Smokie was put under and rushed to surgery. A little over a week later, Smokie is doing better, finally off pain meds (read: doggie morphine), not limping anymore, and I can see some of the wounds healing, although the deepest ones are still presenting problems. Yesterday, I had to take him back in because one was wide open and needed to be restapled. Since I was told by Animal Control that they don’t handle wild animal regardless of the clear danger to public safety, I’m extra uncomfortable to be outside for over the couple of minutes it takes me to check my mailbox and let Smokie use it right by my driveway. Any time I have an errand to run, I prefer to just take him with me so he can pee and poop without fear of a coyote going at his neck.
But since I’ve had a week to stop seeing the coyote jump across the street and hearing Smokie’s screams every single night when I close my eyes, there are a couple of lessons I’ve gotten from Smokie.
1. No matter how big the problem, don’t just lie there and take it. When we got to the hospital, the nurse said Smokie lived because of his will to get away. She said she’s seen many pets who play possum when in the same situation, which of course doesn’t really work–it just guarantees death. Smokie took that coyote head on with all odds against him, and although he definitely suffered from the battle (and so did my wallet), he’s alive to tell about it to keep me inspired. I can’t believe how brave he was, but I’m so grateful he’s a fighter because Butterbean and I need him around. Don’t give in just because your problem seems monumental. You have to fight and pray to make it to the other side of it.
2. Run to the one you know you can count on. Sometimes, and I know this currently, we focus on the problem and shut down and close everything and everyone out. But when we’re weak, we have to run to the people we know have our backs. I will admit I’ve been kinda distant in my spiritual relationship but that’s a whole other post, but my pastor and my mom have been right there to remind me who to turn to and to remind me that I’m going to be a-ok because I have them and I have God. It seems hard, but it definitely was only instinct for Smokie to know what direction safety was in. I wonder what I can do to make my instinct clearer/stronger.
3. You have to leave the wound alone a little to let it heal. Part (not all because the doc left it partially open for it to drain–but definitely part) of the reason Smokie has this one particular wound that just won’t start looking any better is because it irritates him so and he licks it when it’s at its worse. It’s hard, but I’ve had to be more intentional in steering my thoughts from my issues to other things when I can make myself do that because giving my issues so much of my energy just makes it worse. And the point here is not to say ignore the issue–one of my main gripes with people who think they’re being good friends is that they like to say oh you’re making it a big deal, just get over it, buck up, or just pretend they don’t know anything is wrong with me, etc. when it’s not something I can switch on and off and it’s not as easy as welp, whatever, let me move on now as if my life is hunky dory. The point really is that you have to acknowledge the issue–find help, get it stapled up like Smokie’s wound if possible, and then try to steer your thoughts to better things that give you hope when your mind wants to linger at the source of your hurt. Don’t at all pretend you don’t have a gaping wound–but don’t spend the day licking it. If you can ignore the sting even a little bit a day, it’ll help bring you out of the fog.
Here’s a song I keep humming so I decided to go ahead and listen to it when I started writing this. So of course, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t share. (And I particularly like this version because he’s got Corinne on the background vocals!)
So, just pray for my sweet thang Smokie and for me. Trouble don’t last always, right? And one day, he will look normal again and maybe I’ll figure out a solution to this coyote problem in my neighborhood. Who knew that when I moved I would be moving to a hood AND forest? *raised eyebrow*
And since my mom just texted it to me, I’ll share:
Only God can turn a “Mess” into a “Message”, a “Test” into a “Testimony”, a “Trial” into a “Triumph”, a “Victim” into a “Victory”!!!
Just another experience to share in my memoir one day. Happy almost weekend!
The last couple of weeks, especially last week, have just been extremely rough, but I’ve found myself becoming more and more receptive to positive words. I may not always fully believe them, but I receive them and try to think of them and feel them. I opened an email this morning, and here’s the quote I found.
May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.
Thanks, Virgie, for sending that. I hope you readers find some inspiration/positivity/uplift in that. I’ll be back when I’m ready to share some things about last week. Stay tuned.
Many of you have been wondering what in the world is this password stuff Nada Jo has been on lately??? Well, I just wasn’t ready to share with everyone yet. Here is my news:
I’m expecting a little boy in June! I have definitely gone (and am going) through a myriad of emotions. This journey has definitely been completely new, but I’m looking forward to seeing my baby’s face in about 4 months. And sometimes when I’m not feeling my best, the amazement from seeing this little Jackie Chan who weighs only one pound make my stomach move makes it a little better. I can’t express enough how great my family is and has been from the beginning. I’ve needed a support system more than ever, and although it’s really really tough living away from my parents, my family has done everything it can to fill my space with love and encouragement. And they have been instrumental in helping me with my focus and perspective, which can be tough but it’s necessary.
So now I’m back. Of course, you will probably get more posts about my pregnancy than current events, but I’ll try to be versatile in my writing. I haven’t gotten my RRR plans for the year together yet, so just stay tuned. I’d like to do a couple conference calls of some sort since I end up talking about the books and films online with folks who don’t live in Atlanta and thus, can’t come to the discussions. I think that would be fun, but of course, I have to explore technology possibilities. I have a couple in mind already, but I have to get the motivation to make it all happen. And I have to get a webcam (yes, in 2012, I do not have a webcam). In case you’re interested, I’m currently reading Catfish Alley by Lynne Bryant. More on that later.
I do hope that you are following me on Twitter or liking me on Facebook! I post lots of articles on there and would love to hear your thoughts and feedback. And although I don’t always blog about various topics, I do comment on many of them, particularly on FB.
So I hope all of you are well and that your life is balanced and pleasant. Until next time!
God does things in the most mysterious yet breathtaking ways. This post won’t be as long as it could be because I’m just not up to it physically or emotionally, but I had to log on and say that. Yesterday the phone rang, and my mom who was in the back of the house and I, who was in the front room, both let it ring. Well, thank goodness for an answering machine because I heard: “Yes, hello? This is David <last name here>, and I’m looking for Rickey Robinson, Mary Ann, or Ranada…” I didn’t hear the rest becaues as soon as I heard his last name, I was scrambling out of the blanket on the floor trying to get to the next room so I could pick the phone up before he hung up while yelling “MAMAAAAA, MAMA, it’s David!!!”
Remember when I’ve blogged about my aunt Vernita here and there? Well, David is her son and my cousin who used to come to town to visit growing up. I loved me some David. He was only a few months younger than I was (am), and I always looked forward to him coming to MS. When Vernita passed away, we never heard from or really, about, him again. We didn’t know where his dad moved him to, and we had no idea how to find him. Over the last couple of years (prolly longer than that), I’ve searched for him online, through good ole Facebook, even had a police friend run a search and nothing. Turns out he’s been looking for our contact info too, and persistence pays off because he was just trying another random number last night and of course it worked this time. I can’t begin to express how happy I am to know where he is and how he’s doing and how to keep in contact with him.
Today my granddaddy, P.H. Austin, passed away. He’s had Alzheimer’s and a couple of strokes. He’s been deteriorating lately, and my mom told me last week that she felt he was holding on for some reason. But of course, we didn’t really know why because he hasn’t been able to talk or communicate at all lately. Well, it seems as though maybe he was waiting for all his grandchildren to be accounted for. This morning my mom and I headed to the post office to send David some pics of his mom and to run a couple of other errands, and then we got the call. So just keep me and my family in your prayers. I’ll be on again sooner or later.
Good news: I finally found my battery charger, so I’ll have my Buenos Aires pics uploaded today. (And no, the charger wasn’t anywhere weird–I’m just a bad searcher.)
Last night, I went to my __th Red Tie Soiree. Had a good time overall as usual, but I started thinking about just how removed I’ve become from my former “socialite” status. No regrets, but it was still interesting to walk in a place and not know half the people there. Much different from two years ago. Heck, maybe even last year. In any case, I looked and felt like hot stuff, and the girls looked fab as well. Some of us went out of tradition, and some went because one of our friends (it’s not public yet so I won’t say who) is moving to another state, probably before we’ll have a chance to see her again after the holidays. So exciting. I love new opportunities and chapter beginnings, especially for people who are open to them and primed and ready. I think she’ll thrive in her new setting. Congrats, you, if you read my blog!
Another thing that happened last night was a guy I dated (and I mean dated–as in we went out on dates, not we were in a relationship) a while back was there and acting really weird. Like exhibiting borderline “bitchassness”–it was quite bizarre, but interestingly not unexpected. LOL It was one of those things where he would see one of my friends, be really extra with them, hug them, and then turn around and walk the other way before the chance to acknowledge my presence appeared. At first, I was just going to hug him to show him there are no hard feelings (that end was a bizarro, strange, weird, unexplained deal but it is what it is, yanno #movingon), but he made it so obvious that he didn’t want to even speak that I didn’t make him suffer through the experience of actually having a brief, friendly convo with me. I will say that that whole thing made me grateful that it never went beyond going out every now and then. Sometimes when things don’t work out and you don’t really know why, you just have to remember that God knows what He’s doing. Last night drove that point home.
Which is a great thing because sometimes you need those reminders that God makes no mistakes. I’m going through an (totally unrelated and different) experience now that I don’t really understand or comprehend well, but I’m trying to keep my focus a song that I used to sing in the choir when I growing up: He knows just how much we can bear. It gets rough, but I know (and sometimes I have to settle for hoping I know) that in the end, things work together for the good.
So enough of that. I’ve been having some food issues lately which is not cool because y’all know I love to eat and it’s the friggin holidays!! So I’ve found a couple of recipes that I plan to try if I have the energy. So I’ll share them if I try them and if they turn out yummy. I will say that all those reports you read about the importance of breakfast and water. HEED THAT. Make it a habit, if it’s not already, asap so that you never have to learn the hard way how important they are!
Well, I got thangs to do before I can head home to spend quality time with my family. So I’ll be back with the BA pics later on, and I may post a couple more times. But until then, I hope all you have productive, positive weeks!!
So I went through the awesome and the great. Earlier this week, I posted on my work blog the ugly. Check it out here. That part was rather crazy. If you want to know more about Argentina and black folk, google Domingo Sarmiento. It’s just so weird to see other people who have noticeable hues have such color issues. Not surprised, but wasn’t really all that prepared. I just wish American black people had a place they could really go and not stand out like a sore thumb. But AT LEAST, we didn’t have to go through what I went through in friggin Strasbourg, France. Now in the words of Kanye–THAT ish was cra’y! So as my mom reminds me often these days, the Buenos Aires trip could have been better in terms of the way some (not all) people treat black folk, but it DEFINITELY could have been worse. So that definitely didn’t overshadow the awesomes and greats.
I feel like I’ve left out a lot about the trip, but I can’t quite come up with what else I have left to say. Maybe it’ll come to me in my dreams (I really do dream about what to write sometimes, lol). And in case you’re wondering, no, I still haven’t found my battery charger (and to be honest, I keep forgetting to look) so the pics are still forthcoming. I’ll get them out before the end of the year, LOL.
In terms of travel, another country conquered and another continent visited! I have three more continents to go (Africa, Asia, and Australia), and of course there are still countries in Europe, S. America, and our very own N. America that I’d like to eventually get to. I think I’ve gotten a good number under my belt by 30 though, right? I love to explore and experience new places and observe cultures in person. It’s just so much to glean from stepping outside of your norm and seeing how other people live life and handle issues. And of course seeing how all people are similar on the other side of that coin. I love traveling. <3
I’ll be back later. I hope everyone is ready for the weekend, baby!!
Here are a couple of pics of me (with straight hair for the first time in two years!!) at my showers, my gracious hostesses, my core group of friends in Atlanta, and my mom and younger brother and Butterbean’s dad.
