One thing I’ve pondered from conversation and observation with this group is that everyone wants to be liked in some capacity. No matter if you live somewhere where you park in a parking lot or if you live in Europe where people park on the sidewalk, no matter what kind of hair you have, no matter what language you speak, chances are you spend a lot of your time trying to be included. Besides love, acceptance is a concept that translates in all languages.
Including me. I just want to be loved, like Jill said. I find myself not saying what I want to say or playing nice much more often or trying not to be so literal so that I can figure out what others may mean or think I may mean. I spent so much of my life being a-okay with being a loner and the older I get, the more I crave companionship. I used to enjoy taking myself places (still do but not nearly as much), like dinner, the movies, even concerts every now and then. I’ve even gone on trips and just worried about meeting people when I got there. But now I want someone to share memories with, I want a group of stationary friends, I want to have a definite number to call (besides my mom, who I’m sure I call much more now) when I have a thought to verbalize. Who knew? It’s a quite odd feeling, and I’m not sure if I like being so vulnerable… I remember wondering why I was so weird when I was growing up. There was nothing like a day where I could sit under the tree in our yard or even in my closet and get away and read. And now it seems like I can’t get away from those moments. Is it time or is it just growth or is it just general change? Was there anything wrong with the way I was? Hmm… I don’t think so. It’s definitely much safer.
I would love to move to Europe for a stint. I’m telling you all, Paris is absolutely breathtaking. And between Brussels (the unofficial capitol of the European Union) and Paris, there are so many organizations here that are so relevant to my dreams that I didn’t know about until this adventure. There was a time where I would just make it happen. Find a job, make the plans, and execute. Without regard for any traveling companions. Without wondering who I would talk to when I got here. Now? I kinda think I would want someone to come with me. Preferable a boo, lol, but my mom would be fine too. But she wouldn’t want to leave my brothers, I don’t think. So… I’ll still be on the lookout for a position :), but I won’t be moving abruptly for sure. We’ll see how the wind blows, or where the river takes me, as my new friend BLee would say.
I have other reflections that I’ve written manually since I was away from the computer. I’ll decide if I’ll share. I’ll definitely be back soon for more travel stories though. 🙂