Last weekend, I shared with my mentor that lately I’ve been thinking that I want to drop out of all my activities and leadership roles and just be “normal.” Huh? Why? Because I just get tired of feeling unappreciated, unliked, lonely, stressed out, unsupported, etc. Heck, I’ve been told that I can’t expect to meet anyone and live happily ever after doing all that I do. Well, my mentor said to me that in EVERYTHING in life, there will only be 10% of the people involved working. And 10% is in my nature. But if I really want to try to fit in as a 90%er, I could try it, but he suspects I’ll be unhappy since I have the propensity to see problems and try to solve them. He said my best bet was to find other 10%ers to hang out with.
So as I was watching The Black List last night at the Woodruff Arts Center (by myself), I kept thinking to myself, wow I see myself in so many of these awesome people. How in the world do they do it?? And I kept looking at these old black men who spent their lives making a difference and wondered why haven’t I found one of those types of guys… Seriously, The Black List is a must see. From Toni Morrison sharing her view of finding her own little box where she could be free to be herself to Chris Rock and his idea that blacks will not have experienced equality until we can be free to suck to Al Sharpton and his opinion of how the disconnect happened between generations to Marc Morial and his view of the American Tragedy that was the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina and how people want the city to be rebuilt without US to Colin Powell and his assertion that for 200 years we weren’t given the job because we were black so why does it matter that now we may be given the job because we are black–just do a good job, I was enthralled by this piece and so thrilled that I was able to make it. I came to tears at least twice, and I think it was more than my just having an emotionally rocky week. I think when I get down, God puts me in these types of atmospheres to give me enough hope to not give up. I do realize that I need to be more assertive about building relationships with people who are like me–that will be able to sympathize with me when I’m feeling the woes of leadership and to celebrate with me when I’ve won those small battles to which people don’t really pay attention unless they’ve been there. And because I am a strong-willed child of God, I need to learn how to use my strong will to further God’s will at all times, not just when I’m tired of trying to make a difference on my own and realize I need Him. I need to stop focusing on what I think is negative in my life and dwell on all that is positive. I mean, even though I’m not where I pictured I’d be at this age, I’m not doing too shabby in the grand scheme… So I’m going to take a retreat, rejuvenate, and get back to it. I am black, I am greatness, and I am destined for everything I’ve dreamed of and more.