Chronicles of Singleness: SlowBaby, the Text Msg Bandit

Chronicles of Singleness: SlowBaby, the Text Msg Bandit

So, the new topic of the past quarter has been the plight of the unmarried black woman.  Yep, I fall in that category, and I do have my own lil analysis of the topic (coming soon).  But I think the stories of the unmarried black woman are the most interesting and funniest part of it.  So here’s one.

I met a guy (we’re going to call him SlowBaby) last year, and after some months of speaking in passing, he asked for my number.  We went out on a date and had a great time.  Well, this ninja decided that instead of going out on a second date, he would just send me a morning text msg everyday and cross his fingers that he’d see me during my lunch hour. Sometimes he’d call me and try to stay on the phone all night.  And he really thought that would keep my attention. Um… negative!  Now, I told him a few times that I’d like to see him outside of my work day and that I was getting bored (which is NOT a good thing when dealing with me, the restless romantic).  Still, SlowBaby thought those dern text messages would keep him in the game, saying that he was just going with the flow, that he was really into me, and that he just wanted the feelings to be natural… I told him that going with the flow still required movement.

Finally, the day came when after hanging out with his boys for the evening, he called me at 11:30 trying to roll through.  Who did he think I am?? Sir, get outta here with that.  Why would  allow him to come over to my house at booty call hours after one date and a barrage of “Good morning” text messages?  Ain’t that much swagger in two words.  I ignored him, and when he saw me at lunch the next week, he mentioned that he knew I was awake and just ignoring him.  GOOD!  And he STILL didn’t set up a 2nd date.  Then he tried to come over a couple of weeks after that at 1:00 am!!!!  I won’t say what i said.  But know that I’ve stopped getting those dangblasted “Good morning” texts.

I dedicate this song to SlowBaby.  I hope someone inspires him to sing this one day:

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