I started a ranting post about how depressed I have become, hoping it would help me like Kelly Rowland says her song Dirty Laundry helped her. And then my friend popped on my screen and reminded me without knowing that I never read the letter I wrote to myself in August 2012 set to deliver to me on my baby’s first birthday. (For anyone who wants to write a letter to your future self, visit futureme.org). I totally blessed myself. I take things one day at a time, but I’m glad I could reinforce what my mom tells me daily and remind myself of where I should force myself to focus my energy. Here it goes.
One year ago, you joined the superwoman club and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy after hours of painful labor that you can no longer remember. You didn’t have support from his father despite the love you thought you shared with him–but guess what–you’ve made it an entire year. With the love and support from your mom, the rest of your family (even Clint!), your friends in Atlanta, and your friends all over the country, you and Frederick are doing well and that’s no surprise. You’re the bomb, and Frederick is going to be an amazing young man because he has you for his mom.
Keep up the good work. Enjoy life. Appreciate the blessings of motherhood. Don’t focus on what’s hard–keep your eyes on what’s great. Remember that mantra from 2010?PERSPECTIVE. Things are as they should be. You are loved. Your baby is loved.
Every year on my birthday, my mother tells me “Happy birthday, even though I did all the work that day.” And I always laughed, but I never truly appreciated the true essence behind those words. Until today. Today is the day that I celebrate the life of my precious son, but it is also a day that I pat myself on the back for laboring for nearly 19 hours then pushing an 8 pound 9 ounce real-life person from my nether region and for holding us down for a full year. Who is the bomb???? I AM! Lol!
Frederick Daniel has changed my life, and boy, is he a character. He is one of the most charming and expressive and funniest little people I’ve ever known. Watching him grow and develop and discover daily is so astounding and amazing. He went from being able to only lie there looking up at me to crawling up stairs in one year! And I must admit, there is nothing I can compare the feeling of when Frederick reaches out and hugs me now. Those chubby little arms around my neck or hands on my face just make me melt every single time. There’s always a moment every day that he does something, whether it be looking so peaceful while he’s sleep, or pointing at a picture of a dog and saying “Dog!”, giving a laugh from his gut like I’m the most hilarious person ever in life, or trying to run with his bowed legs, that I just stop and think “Man, I love this little boy.” I’ve always spent lots of time looking ahead and not living in the moment, and since he’s been alive, I’ve managed to slow down and just enjoy time with my son.
I love me some him. Can’t you tell? Happy first birthday, Frederick Daniel Todd! I look forward to many, many, many, many, many more!