36 Things for the Single Ladies

36 Things for the Single Ladies

Today, I read this post, which was a result of a blogger stumbling across this list.  Every leader should know how to be a good follower, right?  Well, I’m following suit and sharing what I’ve done in this list (by bold type). To all you single gals (and guys) out there, how much of this list have you conquered?  **I think it’s important to note that at some point, you have to consciously enjoy/bask in/take advantage of being single.  Time and place for everything. Don’t look back one day and wish you had seen the benefits of being single.**  Now that that is said, do you think anything is missing from this list?

36 Things Every Single Girl Must Do Before She Settles Down

**To Build Your Confidence**

1. Go to a movie alone. [I am a movie fanatic. I’ll probably always do this from time to time!]

2. Lift weights. [Now ask me when the last time I lifted weights was, and you may think I need to unbold this one.]

3. Try surfing, water-skiing, or some activity you don’t already know how to do. Could be riding a bicycle. [Wouldn’t everyone logically be able to bold this one? I mean, the first time you did any activity, you didn’t know what you were doing yet, right?]

4. Take out the trash, set a mousetrap, do your taxes, build a bookcase. [I’m good on the mousetrap…]

5. Live alone, or at least move apartments in NYC without the help of family.

6. Train for (and finish) a huge physical test like a half-marathon. [Does playing coed softball count?]

7. Go to a scary doctor’s appointment by yourself. [I’ve done this, and it was because I was too proud to ask someone to come with me and hold my hand.  Luckily, one of my friends had the graciousness to surprise me and be there when I got back to the lobby leaking tears.  I wouldn’t recommend anyone doing this just for the sake of it.  There’s nothing wrong with single folk asking their friends or family for support.]

8. Quit your job.

9. Fly to a foreign country by yourself. [I wasn’t by myself technically, but I was with a group of people I didn’t know, so I’m counting this one.]

10. Learn to stand up for yourself.

**To Be Able to Look Back and Say “I Had Fun”**

11. Witness something once-in-a-lifetime, like Jokulsarlon, a lake next to a melting glacier in Iceland. [errr… I mean, I don’t really remember so I’ll go with no?]

12. Revel in being able to watch all the TV you want.

13. Get drunk during the day, just because you can. Attend Santacon, the convention for santas, or similar. [I’ve never gotten drunk in the daytime, but how ladylike is that? I’ve had drinks during the day, though.]

14. Go on a date with someone who actually makes you nervous. [:)]

15. Go out with an older man who takes you somewhere nice and makes you feel like a million bucks.

16. Go out with a guy who makes you laugh ‘til it hurts.

**To Get Perspective**

17. Be a good wingwoman. It’s not always about you.

18. Chill with your widowed and single grandma. She knows “alone”! [Since my grandfather passed last year, this one isn’t so lighthearted for me as it comes across in the wording.  Don’t know how I feel about this one, but yes, I’ve spent quality time with her since then.]

19. Volunteer. [Y’all know I do plenty of this.  But lemme tell you why I think giving your time to someone who needs it is a huge one.  It’s good for you and your soul, and it’s good practice in sacrifice (which I hear is, in moderation, necessary for healthy, long-lasting relationship).]

**To Make You Appreciate the Next Guy**

20. Do at least one Valentine’s Day alone. […I mean, ok. I can’t say this was necessarily on purpose, but I’m pretty comfortable with giving myself, my family, and my friends love on Love Day.]

21. Attend a wedding (or 15) alone.

22. Date the creeps. You’ll really value the nice guys afterward. [This was not by choice though. Again, wouldn’t recommend anyone do this on purpose… C’mon now.]

**To Make You Feel Sexy and Attractive**

23. Buy yourself some flowers.

24. Invest in a LBD (little black dress) and some sexy stilettos.

25. Sit at a bar by yourself and drink a martini. Cool. [I have a sneaking suspicion that I have done this. But since I can’t recall a specific time, I’ll leave it.]

26. Buy something frivolous and expensive that you LOVE wearing.

**To Make the Most of Your Free Time**

27. Finish all your schooling if you can. [I’m bolding this, not because I’m “finished” but because I already have 4 degrees so if I decided I were done, who would question me? I’m not convinced I’m done though. I absolutely love learning.]

28. Throw yourself into something time-consuming, like learning a foreign language. You may not have time to do this again until you retire and the kids are off to college. [I could write a whole blog post about all the time-consuming stuff I’ve delved into. Anything that’s worth doing probably isn’t all that quick, right?]

**To Make Yourself a Better Partner in the Future**

29. Make a list of all your faults. [I’d like to refer to them as my areas for improvement. I also listed my assets. Focus on positivity.]

30. Learn to cook well. [And bake too.]

31. Get some hobbies. Something’s gotta keep you occupied—plus it’ll make you seem interesting. [Reading, playing softball, going to the movies, crocheting, blogging, etc.]

32. Let your married friends edit your online dating profile. [If I had an online dating profile, I’d probably do this.]

33. Get your finances in order. [This isn’t a concrete thing. They’ve been in order before. Headed back in that direction now.]

**To Appreciate Being Single**

34. Babysit someone’s baby for an hour. [Hey, I have 2 nieces and 7 nephews, so…]

35. Help a friend through her divorce or a bad break-up.

36. Host a girls-only night. I think some coupled-up women forget how much we need each other. [I’ve done girls-only nights, days, trips–who doesn’t like hanging with the homies?]

**Things not on this list but on Nada Dee’s list**

37. Road-trip alone. I think this is a true test of how comfy you are with yourself.  I’ve taken myself places just because I wanted to be unencumbered by anyone else’s schedules, timelines, and desires.  Great way to sort out thoughts too.

38. Maintain a roster. I know several people who believe that once they meet someone, they must devote all their time and attention to that person, even before any semblance of a conversation about exclusivity occurs.  To each her own, but as my mom told me as a youngin learning the dating ropes, until you’re married, you’re single.  So without established boundaries, I never assumed that I should behave like I’m in a committed relationship.  Have some fun, meet new people, enjoy getting to know them, and really make an educated decision about who you want to pursue something deeper with.

39. Create a vision board. Where are you going in life? What do you want? Can you really merge your life with someone else’s if you don’t really know the value of yours? Sit down, write down all your dreams and short-term and long-term goals, then make it plain by creating a board that you can hang up and look at regularly, reminding you of what you need to be working on to achieve your heart’s desires.

40. Romance yourself. I dunno what your idea of romance is, but whatever it is, do it for yourself.  Go get a massage, make yourself bubble baths, light candles during a self-prepared dinner, sleep in something that makes you feel good about yourself, etc.

What else should singles do before they settle down?  Any other ideas?

The Intermittent Rigamarole of My Life

The Intermittent Rigamarole of My Life

Yes, rigamarole is a real word.

From dictionary.com:

rig·a·ma·role (rĭg’ə-mə-rōl’) 
n. Variant of rigmarole.

rig·ma·role (rĭg’mə-rōl’) 
n.

  1. Confused, rambling, or incoherent discourse; nonsense.
  2. A complicated, petty set of procedures.

When things that seem to make all the sense in the world become confusing and chaotic, what do you do?  I am looking forward to clearing my mind with some hot yoga in the morning.  I know that all things work out the way they’re supposed to, but it’s sometimes difficult for me to shift to find the new perspective.  Oh, I will shift.  Without a doubt.  But there’s a delayed reaction. Maybe (hopefully) it’s just for a little while.  And by little while, I mean a quick moment.  Lofty, but possible, right?  It’s just hard being vulnerable and not in control.  But ever the risk taker, I can’t help but try, even if it ends in failure. I bump my head and get back up after as soon as I’m no longer dizzy.

So until I make that shift that facilitates my ability to have a positive perspective, this is for me and anyone else there that is having some trouble sorting stuff out.

Be still, young heart, and never will you fall apart.
Be wise, my dear, you must learn to just be still
Until you really really know.
Show me your eye, shine your light, I wonder when will i know.

Love and Randomness

Love and Randomness

Love is in the air.  While it seems to be darting every which-a-way when it enters a 5 yard radius of me, it’s so great to see my friends swooning and being wooed. Black love exists!! (Despite the media alarms that it’s endangered–it still exists.) It’s something special to see your friends giddy and grinning.  What’s more uplifting than the aura of love infused in the atmosphere?  Positivity is contagious!  Let it infect you!

There’s nothing like the feeling of a new connection.  The stolen glances at the guy across the room whose good looks caught your eye. The charming smile sent your way to acknowledge that the interest is mutual.  The instant spark you feel as soon as he enters your energy field to introduce himself and find out who you are.  The natural flirting that neither of you can help.  It feels great when you go out on your first (and second and third) date and your heart flutters as he dotes on you and stares into you, learning you, allowing himself to be learned.  And it’s astounding when you could talk to him until daylight or when you can sit with him without a word spoken.

It’s really only supposed to work out once–which means it won’t work out who knows how many times before that.  Although I sometimes kick myself for being (maybe too) open and vulnerable, I wouldn’t trade those immensely charged feelings of being connected to someone, desire, anticipation, hope, inspiration, promise for the hope of never feeling disappointed, rejected, abandoned.  You won’t know if it’s meant to be unless you step out on faith and see.

Love is in the air.  Jump up and grab some.

Mushy Musings, Part Deux

Mushy Musings, Part Deux

Yesterday, I posted 5 songs, all performed by the ladies, so today, I’ll post 5 from the guys on my Mushy Moments playlist.  Yep, it’s Friday, and the stresses of the week are sliding off my back.  Still daydreaming I am.

I could really do this whole post and a couple more with Musiq and Raheem.  But I’ll try to restrain myself.  I’m posting the songs as I go/as they come to mind, so we’ll see what happens.

All we had were letters till we formed the words/Started from the lyrics till we found the verses that can bridge us through/Baby we could be the greatest love song…

I dream of singing this with Mr. Man while gazing into his eyes and swaying to the music.  I really love this song.  How can anyone not want to be smitten after listening to this?

I’ll be something like the rebirth of love with a twist/it started with a simple kiss/what could be more precious then the rebirth of love?

This song puts into words why I’m open-minded and is a fave on my playlist. Raheem really is one of my favorite male singers ever.  I’ve been a fan since he was in Crossrhodes.  Yes, I have the mixtapes and the albums.  I’ve been to all but one concert that he’s done in Atlanta.  I’m a borderline Stan.  If you haven’t picked up the latest album, go get it.  Especially you conscious minded folks out there. 🙂

Don’t want you to escape cuz I know true love is hard to find–so I keep her heart in mine…

Brandon Hines is a slept on artist.  I found out about him in 07 (I think), and I’ve been a fan since.  Check him out at his website and on youtube.

I would gladly walk you home, but you’re already here…

Cee-Lo Green is another artist I follow.  His creativity is like none other.  Here’s one of my faves from Cee-Lo Green…Is the Soul Machine.

Your love, your love is amazing. One touch takes me a thousand places…

Van Hunt makes me smile.  I thought of a couple of other songs from his first album, but they have a slight depressing undertone.  But this one finishes off this post perfectly.

Happy Friday, folks!  I hope you have a positive, relaxing, and satisfying weekend!

Mushy Musings

Mushy Musings

Here are a couple of songs I can’t stop listening to.  Join me in my mushy daydreaming fest.

Sir Greendown, I need your shining light…

Say you’ll go to Nirvana.  Will you leave Samsara? … Let’s find forever, and write our names in fire on each other’s hearts.

Don’t sleep on Janelle Monae…  If you haven’t purchased her new album, you need to do so as soon as you finish reading my blog. 🙂  It’s a banger from beginning to end.

Hearts led, baby–it’s your deal. Umm hmm

Same goes with New Amerykah Part II.  Erykah Badu keeps me on my groove thang.  Really, I could just make this whole post about Janelle and Erykah, who are performing tonight in Memphis and I so wish I would be there.

Back in them days my heart never made a sound/Now it’s beating like my head’s in the clouds

Oldie but goodie.  I love Alice Smith’s voice.  She will always and forever make my Mushy Moments playlist.

My arms brag to each other about how you feel–from conversations, I know what they feel is real…

This is one of my fave Algebra songs.  It just put words and a melody to some special feelings.

I think 5 is a good number.  There are PLENTY more I could post though.  Music is so good for the soul.  One more day till the weekend, my friends!  Keep the positive vibes going!

I want it all!

I want it all!

From the time I thought that boys were no longer icky and were worthy of interest, endless thoughts, and daydreams, I’ve always had a “type”.  Of course, physical characteristics were always important–my mom always told me “you have to wake up to him in the morning” and “you need to think of your kids.” But if we took a look at all the guys I’ve ever crushed on or dated, I think one thing they mostly all had in common was that they were strong personalities dipped in lots of charm.  I don’t know what it is, but I’ve always liked that guy who loves (or at least is comfortable in) the spotlight, knows everybody there is to know, and spends his time mapping out and taking action toward his passions.  And many times I’ve blamed this insatiable desire for my dating woes.  The guys I actually liked back were the guys with girls chasing them down the block (no, really–one ex had a girl chase him down State St, 220, and Northside Drive in Jackson in a car, but that’s another story) and doing whatever they can to divert his attention; the guys whose dreams were so big that they didn’t know how or didn’t want to juggle, and I never knew if I’d ever be a sizable priority in their lives.

Yet, I have not been willing to (or maybe even able to) take this characteristic off my “list”.  There’s just something about a guy who has mastered his social skills and oozes a certain self-confidence and who is all about doing something major while he’s on earth that makes me fan myself. And I’m fine with that.  Why? Because I think as we get older, I’m more likely to find the sharp, charismatic guy who is that able to provide me with the balance that has been missing for so long (and yes this is an ambiguous statement–I need help with my own balance and he needs to have some level of balance on his own).  We’re all growing into ourselves, right? So once we know what we want, including our partner–don’t we do want we have to do to manage all things important?

So I said all that to introduce an interesting Twitter convo that made me say hmmm.

JHJeffers: RT @DGJ_1977: RT @RHYMEFEST: So ladies be careful what you ask for, because loving ambitious, charismatic & powerful men comes with a cost.

Me: Which is? RT @JHJeffers: RT @RHYMEFEST: So ladies be careful what u ask for bc loving ambitious, charismatic & powerful men comes w a cost.

JHJeffers: @NadaJo: Powerful men often have a strong desire to control and have egos that are out of this world

Me: A few r humble but I can c it RT @JHJeffers @NadaJo: Powerful men often have a strong desire to control&have egos that are out of this world

JHJeffers: @NadaJo ‎​Charismatic men are super flirtatious and sometimes cross the line

Me: I see RT @JHJeffers: @NadaJo ‎​Charismatic men are super flirtatious and sometimes cross the line

JHJeffers: @NadaJo Ambitious men spend long hours working, Sometimes @ the expense of marriage

Me: Mm hmm RT @JHJeffers: @NadaJo Ambitious men spend long hours working, Sometimes @ the expense of marriage

Me: @JHJeffers so basically we ladies who like pwrful, charismatic, ambitious men need to also pray that he has humility, self-ctrl, and balance

Me: #icandothat

JHJeffers: @NadaJo: Yeeeaaaahhhhh, but I would just shoot for 2 out of 3 #imjustsaying

HarlemFaith: (Well said) RT @NadaJo so we ladies who like pwrful, charismatic, ambitious men need to pray he has humility, self-ctrl, and balance

HarlemFaith: @NadaJo I don’t know if I agree with everything @jhjeffers is saying.. but it’s interesting.

Me (knowing this will turn into a blog post, maybe even a series cuz this is getting good! heehee): What do u think? RT @HarlemFaith: @NadaJo I don’t know if I agree with everything @jhjeffers is saying.. but it’s interesting.

HarlemFaith: @NadaJo @jhjeffers I don’t like the fact that the argument seemed so segmented and over generalized. Yes, those characteristics make ppl

HarlemFaith: @nadajo @jhjeffers successful but powerful men(and women) in lasting relationships know when to turn them on and off.

HarlemFaith: @nadajo @jhjeffers too much of anything is bad…. and there’s a time and place for everything.

HarlemFaith: @nadajo @jhjeffers… I want my man to be just as ambitious as I am.. (and he is) when we are together that energy is directed towards me.

HarlemFaith: For a while, me and many of my counterparts were told that our ambitious, agressive personalities were the reason we didn’t have a man

HarlemFaith: I disagree.. I think there is a time and place for anything. and the key to a successful relationship without losing who you are is figuring out how to channel that intense energy.. and use it for good. lol. Use those same skills to please your man.

HarlemFaith: I’m a big proponent of playing my “position”. I can be your woman (opinionated and all) but still allow you to be the man.

Me: YES! RT @HarlemFaith I’m a big proponent of playing my “position”. I can be ur woman (opinionated & all) but still allow you to be the man.

The convo is still going on.  But I’ll do a poll.  Can we (I) have it all?  Is it possible to have what we want plus the balance needed to make the relationship last and thrive?  Do we have to choose between the power, charisma, and ambition and the devotion and dedication?  Chime in!

Love Quote of the Day

Love Quote of the Day

I had to love myself enough to say “no” to the good and leave room for the “great”.

Hug yourself!

When folks tell you you’re too “picky” or when you’re considering staying in some janky situation in which you’re not happy or fulfilled, think of this quote! By the way, I got it from this article (Choosing a Better Kind of Love) .

I’m also co-signing this blog post (Stop It with the Ugly Girl Problems (Unless You’re an Ugly Girl)).  Don’t settle for less!

Be blessed, folks!