Life Lessons on MARTA

Life Lessons on MARTA

So, at lunch, I decided to take a trek on MARTA to support a friend (Black Tie BBQ – check them out for delish food!!), and as fate would have it, I’d have a lightbulb moment randomly.  Which makes sense.  I live by randomness, it seems.

Anywho, on to the lesson.  Currently, I’m reading Blackgammon, which is the story of two black American women who are searching for love (or maybe running from it) and freedom in Europe. The book has been right on time, so naturally, I was really into it when it was time for me to change trains at Five Points.  As I stood on the platform waiting for a westbound train, enthralled by my book, I heard the whir of a train pass me.  I looked up and saw the lights of the train leaving me.  Oh no! I thought…  I have to wait 6 whole minutes for the next train.  Sheesh!  Me and this dangblasted book.  How in the world did I completely not hear the train when it arrived?  (Another reason is because it was a short train–the Bankhead train, which is about half the size of a normal MARTA train and I was too far down on the platform.)

So I moved closer to the center of the platform and took a seat and began reading again, careful to glance up every minute or so at the sign announcing the wait time for the next train.  The next train came. Something felt very wrong about it as I stood there missing another train.  Then it dawned on me!  I wasn’t supposed to catch that train–it’s going in the wrong direction!  I was supposed to be waiting on the eastbound train!!  Too hot (and lazy) to run, I took my time and went around the station to get to the eastbound platform.  And sure enough, when I got to the platform, a train came.  Right on time.

<MESSAGE!>

In life, sometimes things seem to be going right and then suddenly, something happens to derail all of it and you’re left wondering “How in the world did that happen?”  Or sometimes although things are great, you come to a unexpected juncture, and you think you’re going the right way, but then you realize that way has a barbed wire fence blocking it.  Maybe, just maybe, it’s there for a reason. Maybe that missed out opportunity wasn’t what you were supposed to be doing anyway.  Maybe it would have taken you in the wrong direction, on to the wrong path.  Maybe once you realize that and go to where you need to be, what you need will be there, waiting on you–always right on time.

Disappointments come.  They’re a part of life.  But the perspective surrounding those disappointments can be positive if you remember that everything happens for a reason and the way they’re supposed to.  You just need to be aware and open for some clarity and enlightenment.

There’s a reason for everything that comes and goes…

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The Intermittent Rigamarole of My Life

The Intermittent Rigamarole of My Life

Yes, rigamarole is a real word.

From dictionary.com:

rig·a·ma·role (rĭg’ə-mə-rōl’) 
n. Variant of rigmarole.

rig·ma·role (rĭg’mə-rōl’) 
n.

  1. Confused, rambling, or incoherent discourse; nonsense.
  2. A complicated, petty set of procedures.

When things that seem to make all the sense in the world become confusing and chaotic, what do you do?  I am looking forward to clearing my mind with some hot yoga in the morning.  I know that all things work out the way they’re supposed to, but it’s sometimes difficult for me to shift to find the new perspective.  Oh, I will shift.  Without a doubt.  But there’s a delayed reaction. Maybe (hopefully) it’s just for a little while.  And by little while, I mean a quick moment.  Lofty, but possible, right?  It’s just hard being vulnerable and not in control.  But ever the risk taker, I can’t help but try, even if it ends in failure. I bump my head and get back up after as soon as I’m no longer dizzy.

So until I make that shift that facilitates my ability to have a positive perspective, this is for me and anyone else there that is having some trouble sorting stuff out.

Be still, young heart, and never will you fall apart.
Be wise, my dear, you must learn to just be still
Until you really really know.
Show me your eye, shine your light, I wonder when will i know.

Love and Randomness

Love and Randomness

Love is in the air.  While it seems to be darting every which-a-way when it enters a 5 yard radius of me, it’s so great to see my friends swooning and being wooed. Black love exists!! (Despite the media alarms that it’s endangered–it still exists.) It’s something special to see your friends giddy and grinning.  What’s more uplifting than the aura of love infused in the atmosphere?  Positivity is contagious!  Let it infect you!

There’s nothing like the feeling of a new connection.  The stolen glances at the guy across the room whose good looks caught your eye. The charming smile sent your way to acknowledge that the interest is mutual.  The instant spark you feel as soon as he enters your energy field to introduce himself and find out who you are.  The natural flirting that neither of you can help.  It feels great when you go out on your first (and second and third) date and your heart flutters as he dotes on you and stares into you, learning you, allowing himself to be learned.  And it’s astounding when you could talk to him until daylight or when you can sit with him without a word spoken.

It’s really only supposed to work out once–which means it won’t work out who knows how many times before that.  Although I sometimes kick myself for being (maybe too) open and vulnerable, I wouldn’t trade those immensely charged feelings of being connected to someone, desire, anticipation, hope, inspiration, promise for the hope of never feeling disappointed, rejected, abandoned.  You won’t know if it’s meant to be unless you step out on faith and see.

Love is in the air.  Jump up and grab some.

Be true to you.

Be true to you.

I got an extremely random set of text messages today, and it got me thinking. I want to share with you my conclusion from the exchange.

Lesson of the Day:  Be true to yourself. Consider advice from others, but make your own decisions. Follow your own heart and conscience.  At the end of the day, no one will live with ur regrets but you. So why be bound by other people’s opinions?

I was blessed to have parents who believed in letting me be me.  When I was faced with the decision of whether or not to skip my senior year of high school and start college at 16, my mom said, “This one is on you.  I’m not going to make this decision for you and have you resenting me one day if you don’t do what you really want.”  I will always remember those words.

I truly believe everything happens as they are supposed to–but how we feel about all of everything depends on several factors.  Attitude and perspective (during and after the fact) are part of it, but our regrets play a major role as well.

Listen up.  You only have one life.  Live it the way you’re led to live it.  Don’t depend on anyone else to bestow upon you the dreams they have.  Accept the ones God puts inside of you, and pursue those.  Don’t wait for anyone’s permission.  DO YOU.

Brain Dump

Brain Dump

Whoa nah!  I have tons of stuff on my mind, and I don’t even really know where to start or what I want to get off of it.

So this post may end up being total stream of consciousness.  And I’m random like that, so that’s a-ok with me.

I’ve said on multiple occasions that I tend to have a grudge-holding problem, but I’ve been actively trying to combat that because as we know acknowledgement is the first step, but there are still other steps.  So after prayer and meditation, I made some steps toward reconciling with an old friend.  The convo started off kinda tough because expressing pinned up emotion and listening to other people tell you want they think is wrong with you usually are, but I was able to put the right amount of compassion into my responses to her, and I think we’re on our way to being friends again one day.  BUT the good news is that I have let go of my lingering frustrations and bad vibes over that situation.  I was able to release it, and all it took was allowing myself to express my feelings in a constructive way–despite what she said to me.  No yelling, no blowing up.  Stay cooool. 🙂 *Progress!*

Speaking of old friends, one of my childhood friends emailed me yesterday morning and let me know that her nephew is having brain surgery.  You know, the stuff you kinda just think happens on TV.  So she, her nephew, and their family have been at the top of my prayer list.  She sent me an update this morning and he made it through the surgery fine, and now we’re waiting to hear what the new test results are.  I really hope he makes it through, ready to enjoy a full, happy, inspired life.

Inspiration… What inspires you?  What inspires me?  Feeling like I’m making a difference inspires me.  I had a hectic week at work last week, but it was all to the good because I really feel like my job is setting me up to make some real impacts.   Even seeing a reference in a newspaper article to a research document I created set my spirits on fire.  I’m not just working everyday to earn a paycheck (although that is oh so necessary lol)–my work is being prodded and probed and considered and acted on.  It’s because of my long hours that somebody somewhere made a decision that will have far-stretching impacts in a city, a county, or even a region or state.  That matters to me.  I’ve come to learn that I put in my hardest work when I feel like I or it matters.  If I don’t see the significance, it’s hard for me to buckle down and get er done.  Knowing that is helping me to prioritize and better use my time (and say a much needed no more often).

And a certain something has me daydreaming and grinning.  Buuuuuuut I’ll let that stay in my head for awhile. Just for superstition’s sake.  No jinxes please.  Just fun times ahead.  Hmmmmm…

Speaking of fun, softball has been kicking my lazy, out-of-shape butt, but being around black folks in a ball park has done something to me.  It makes me feel more at home.  I can remember going to the ballpark with my mom to watch my dad play.  It’s a really vague memory, lol, but I remember, nonetheless.  My aunt would be keeping score or somewhere near us.  And it was just fun times with laughter and sometimes the smell of food on the grill filling the air.  It took me 8 years to find that in Atlanta!!  And right in time for the summer.  Yippie ya!

I don’t even know what else is swirling around in this complicated mind o’ mine.  Besides that something I don’t want to deliberate on. 🙂  lol you want to know, don’t you? Too bad, so sad!  haha  Anyway, there have been lots in the news I could talk about, but most of it is negative and I’m in too good of a mood to get on my soap box today.  So maybe tomorrow.  In the meantime, get your groove on with one of my newest jams.  I know you want to…

P.S. If you don’t have one–get a mantra or two.  Mine are “Positivity prevails” and “Focus on the miracle.”  They come in handy!!  You gotta align your perspective up with your circumstance to make it through tough times.  Remember that your attitude is often your testimony.  Ok, I’m done for real this time.  Tootleloo!