Ceremony as a Love Language

Ceremony as a Love Language

There’s something sacred about the way we do things.

Whether it’s a homegoing, a church service, or a college commencement, Black pomp and circumstance has its own rhythm: a choreography of care, history, and pride.

I thought about it this weekend as I sat in the sanctuary of the church I spent my childhood and young adulthood attending regularly. It was lined with so many flowers I couldn’t see the pulpit from the second pew. As I watched everyone sit on the right side, leaving most of the left open for the family to process in, I started thinking about how we just know. How customs are just rooted and observed through time. There’s an unspoken order to how we show up. A reverence that moves through us like a well-rehearsed hymn.

The same feeling rises at commencement. At Tougaloo, the drums start first — deep, resonant, ancestral — and suddenly we’re connected to something far older than the institution itself. It’s one thing to observe it, but it was a whole different thing to experience it as a graduate myself, trying to keep up with the march across campus to our seats. When I attend commencement to support new graduates, I’m reminded of that feeling but also am grounded in this ritual serving as a thread that ties all of us together over time. And I’m looking forward to feeling that feeling again when I go back for my silver graduation in a couple of years. It’s not just ceremony; it’s continuation. A declaration that our striving and our joy deserve a soundtrack.

In church, it’s the hymns that have survived generations. Sometimes when I sit in my church, I envision Deacon Jones starting the devotional and wish I could hear him call “I know I am a child of God” and wait for us to respond as a congregation. I miss the devotional because it just felt important in my bones. It felt deeply spiritual, and every now and then I sing it to myself, and as I sit here typing, I wonder what healing or comfort it’s providing that I don’t even realize. I can still hear Mother Curlie sing her special version of This Little Light of Mine, wondering if I’d ever be that voice that leads from the pews without ever touching the choir stand. I cherish the way I give countless hugs when I walk in on my way to my seat. I appreciate that when a word hits home, there’s always someone I can look at, and they just get it without me saying anything.

Even in our everyday lives, the rituals are there. The “say thank you” that echoes from moms through the generations, the debates about whether or not fish and spaghetti go together, the connections through memories of fried chicken Wednesdays on varied HBCU campuses, the plastic-covered furniture or the wooden panel walls in your grandmother’s living room that somehow we all reminisce about. The details that shape us, bind us, and make us smile when we realize how universal they are.

Black pomp and circumstance isn’t about extravagance. It’s about intention. It’s how we show love, how we hold history, how we make meaning out of moments both monumental and ordinary. It’s ceremony as language. Beauty as inheritance.

We’ve been curating sacredness for centuries — in our grief, in our joy, in our striving, in our rest. Whether it’s a processional, a praise, or a favorite meal on a particular day, the message beneath it all remains the same:

We matter enough to mark the moment.

Soundtrack of My Life: Total Praise by Richard Smallwood

The Burden of Strength

The Burden of Strength

People talk a lot about the blessing of being strong. They call it resilience. They call it beating the odds. They admire how you always get back up, keep moving, keep holding it all together. However, they rarely wonder or ask what it costs.

The truth is, being “the strong one” is a lonely place to live. It means that when life piles on, when your body is tired, when your heart is stretched thin–people assume you’ll handle it. They forget that you, too, need soft places to land. They forget that the defender sometimes needs defending. They forget that you’re human and are sensitive even if you don’t usually wear that sensitivity on your sleeve. They forget that strong doesn’t mean unbreakable.

These days, the weight feels heavier. I’m watching my parents age. I can see their needs growing, and with it my worry: worry that I won’t have enough time, enough resources, enough of me to give. At the same time, I’m raising a teenager. Teen years so far feel complicated and overwhelming. They require an abundance of patience (that I do not always have), guidance, and the kind of steady love that doesn’t waver even when your child pulls away. Doing it alone sharpens the edges of that challenge. There’s no one to trade shifts with. There’s no one to tag in when I’m drained. There’s no one who witnesses what’s going on.to vent to. There’s no one to brainstorm with in moments of strife. There’s no one to carry half the load.

My life feels like it’s becoming a balancing act between generations. I’m trying to give my child wings while also making sure my parents still feel held. And in the middle of it all, I’m trying not to lose myself while I pursue my passions and try to do my part in this world.

The hardest part? Very few people check on the strong ones. They assume we’re fine because we make it look fine. Yet sometimes, we aren’t. Sometimes we’re standing in the kitchen at midnight staring into the fridge, wondering if anyone sees how tired we are. Sometimes we’re smiling through the meeting or the church service or the family dinner, holding back tears because we know if we let them fall, we might not stop. Sometimes we’re biting our tongues when people talk recklessly to or about us because we feel like we have to be the bigger person. Sometimes we want to not be the responsible one who considers everyone else because we never seem to be considered. Sometimes we want to be more (or perhaps less?) than the person held to the highest of standards. Sometimes we want to be given the benefit of the doubt when things go awry. Sometimes *I* just want to feel like someone has my back no matter what.

But alas. Here I am. On a Friday night fighting through my feelings of so very rarely being held with care. And of course, this isn’t a plea for pity because pity is something I can’t imagine being given either. It is, however, a reminder—for me, and maybe for you, too—that strength and softness can coexist. That the strong ones deserve tenderness, too. That it’s okay to admit the load is heavy, to ask for help, to say out loud, “I need care.”

So if you love someone who always seems to have it together, check on them. Handle them with care. Let them know that they matter. They may not say it, but they need it. If you are that person—the strong one—let this be permission to take off the cape for a while. To breathe. To rest. To be held, instead of holding everything. I can’t tell you just how to do that because I haven’t quite figured it out myself. But I do know we deserve it.

Because even the strongest need somewhere safe to rest and recharge before going back out there and being that one.

Soundtrack of My Life: Hear My Call by Jilly from Philly

Coming Home: Family, Freedom, and the Fight Ahead

Coming Home: Family, Freedom, and the Fight Ahead

I hadn’t been home to Mississippi in six months. I need to be here, my birthplace, physically to sit still, hear the rhythms of my people, enjoy the laughter, listen to the familiar voices that know me truly to be reminded of what I’m actually fighting for. To rejuvenate me. To give me even a small reset. I know the pace I keep is unsustainable, and the times we’re entering demand clarity, strategy, and soul. And there’s no place that can revitalize my soul like home.

Today is the Fourth of July. Independence Day, they call it. But let’s be real—none of us are truly free. Not now. Not ever. Not with the way things are heading.

Not with the Big Uglazz Bullshit Bill ready to wreak havoc on our communities far and wide. Not with rights unraveling in broad daylight while some folks act like nothing’s happening. Not with a political climate that keeps chipping away at our autonomy, our safety, and our ability to care for ourselves and one another.

While Black communities have always carried the heaviest weight in this country’s unfulfilled promises, this moment feels even more expansive in its harm. The target is broader. The aim is deeper. It’s not just about race. It’s not just about gender. It’s about erasing the very things that make us whole—our bodies, our stories, our families, our agency.

Make no mistake—it’s not just about legislation.
It’s about how policy becomes culture.
How oppression gets normalized in real time.
How the system depends on us being too tired, too overstimulated, too divided, or too disconnected to resist with any real force.

That’s why I had to come home and stay even just a lil while. I needed it physically, spiritually, emotionally, and strategically.

Family is a grounding force. It’s not always easy. It’s not always tidy. But it’s real. In times like these, being rooted in something real is the only way to survive—let alone build something better.

Family reminds us of who we are.
Family reminds us of what’s worth protecting.
Family reminds us that no matter what they legislate, they can’t erase our lineage, our joy, or our collective will.

So I’m preparing. Yes, I’m stocking the pantry. Yes, I’m thinking ahead. But more than that—I’m tending to my relationships. Reconnecting with the people who keep me sane. Laughing with my son. Listening to my elders. Connecting with the folks I know are aligned with my values and vision for the future. Taking inventory of what matters. Restoring the kind of love, trust, and presence that policy can’t touch, but that will absolutely shape how we respond to it.

Because when the storm comes—and let’s be clear, it’s already here in some places—we won’t just need talking points or political analysis. We’ll need each other: whole and ready.

If you’ve been running nonstop, like I have, let this be your permission to pause. Go home. Call your people. Make the meal. Hug the babies. Check on your strong friends. Speak truth. Refill your spirit.

Because freedom isn’t something they’ll hand us. It’s something we build—daily, deliberately, and together. And we are not alone.

If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear what “freedom at home” looks like for you. What are you preparing for—and who are you preparing with?

Soundtrack of My Life: “Optimistic” by Sounds of Blackness

The Truth We Owe Each Other

The Truth We Owe Each Other

I’ve walked into the Tracey Wyatt Recreation Center more times than I can count, but today hit different. We were there for Part 2 of We the People, our intergenerational civic engagement series, and the room felt alive with purpose. Juneteenth reminds us that freedom is not just won—it’s passed down. But in order to pass it down, we have to first be able to tell each other the truth.

Today, we told the truth about disinformation, distrust, and the divides that make it harder to move as one AND provided training on how we can help the people we care about move closer to the truth when they believe false narratives. We began something sacred: the work of repairing what’s been splintered, of listening across generations, of building a bridge wide enough to carry us all. Not just toward the ballot box—but toward each other.

Disinformation isn’t new, but its tools have evolved. Today’s lies come wrapped in algorithms, delivered through funny memes and passionate hot takes, and sent straight to our loved ones’ phones. However, the impact is deeply familiar: confusion, mistrust, and division. What we know, though, is that we are more likely to believe people we care about. According to a 2024 survey by the Majority Institute, 75% of Georgians say they trust their family members and 60 percent say they trust their friends over all other messengers. That’s why this work matters.

Our We the People series is designed to help everyday people communicate more effectively with the folks around them. What we did today wasn’t just teach digital literacy—it was soul work. We helped each other name the harm, then offered tools to heal it. We’re not here to shame people who have adopted harmful narratives–we want them to leverage the trust they already share to inch them closer to the truth. Combating disinformation is less about winning arguments and more about staying connected long enough to tell each other the truth with love.

Juneteenth has always been a reminder that truth delayed is freedom denied. The very origins of the holiday are rooted in disinformation—an intentional withholding of emancipation news for more than two years after it was law. Black people in Galveston kept laboring and surviving under the weight of a lie. While the context has changed, the tactic has not. Today, our communities are still battling distorted truths—about our power, our history, and our future.

Disinformation isn’t just a political weapon—it’s a spiritual one. It clouds our discernment and limits our ability to imagine what’s possible. It isolates us from each other by breeding mistrust, and it dims the collective light we need to organize, vote, and build. That’s why this work—naming the lie, speaking the truth, and doing it in love—is so sacred. It’s not about “fact-checking” in the narrow sense. It’s about continuing the fight for freedom.

I left today feeling so fulfilled because even in the heaviness of thinking about how to “confront” people we love with hard truths—joy showed up. The event took place alongside a festival, where there was music and food and games. Before the event, I spent time hugging necks and chatting with people I value but don’t see often. People who have known Frederick since he was an infant got to gush over how big he’s gotten. After the event started, there was room for laughter and creativity. It reminded me that joy is also the truth—a truth we’ve always carried.

In a world that seeks opportunities to amplify Black trauma, joy becomes data. Joy signals to us what’s sacred. It tells us what we’re fighting for. It’s not just resistance—it’s record-keeping. When we allow ourselves to feel it together, even while we wrestle with the harms of disinformation, we’re creating proof that freedom isn’t theoretical. It’s already among us because we are a resilient and communal people. We are still here. We are still joyful. We are still building.

That joy makes room for the harder conversations, too—even about generational divides in how we vote, how we trust, how we make meaning of the world. One reason this series is so important is because misunderstandings between generations isn’t just inconvenient—it’s weakening our power.

Older Black voters often carry the weight of history like armor. Younger Black voters often question systems with a fire that comes from disillusionment. Both perspectives hold truth, but that truth won’t carry us far unless we’re willing to speak it to each other.

Truth is not just fact—it’s felt. It’s shaped by what we’ve lived and what we’ve lost. The only way to pass it on is by creating space for it to be spoken with love and with openness to collaboration, not just shouted with frustration and hopelessness.

Freedom, like truth, is a process. Like Juneteenth itself, it often comes later than it should. But we can’t stop reaching for it. We keep telling the truth. We keep practicing joy. We keep trusting that the bridge is worth building.

This work isn’t about convincing everyone to agree—it’s about making sure no one gets left behind because they didn’t hear the truth in a voice that sounded like love.

We’re not just fighting lies—we’re fighting to stay open-hearted and whole in the face of them.

The truth will indeed set us free, but first, it will demand that we trust each other enough to tell it. We owe each other that truth. It starts in rooms like the one we sat in today. It grows in conversations we’re willing to keep having. It deepens in the quiet moments where we choose not to give up on each other.

I think often about what I’m passing on to Frederick—not just in legacy, but in practice. What stories am I telling him with my actions? What kind of truth am I preparing him to hold? What kind of joy do I want him to believe he’s worthy of?

This Juneteenth, I’m holding fast to the truth we owe each other. That truth is the path to a freedom that lasts.

Soundtrack of My Life: Liberation by Earth, Wind, and Fire


I love when I make myself cry, lol.

I love when I make myself cry, lol.

This morning I got an email with the subject teaser “I love you.” Hmm. What’s this? It was a letter from the July 2013 me. I wasn’t going to share it, but why not? It’s my 2nd mommyversary today, and I am super blessed to be able to celebrate the milestones my baby has made over the last two years AND the milestones I’ve achieved myself as the sole caretaker of a bustling, precocious, charming boy. I’m so proud of him, and I’m even prouder to be his mom. He’s an amazing soul, and though this journey hasn’t been easy, it has been beyond worth it. I look forward to being Frederick’s safe place throughout his adventures. Watching him evolve is an almost unbelievable experience. I can barely even believe that at one time he was a butterbean in my body. Now he’s over half my height! If Frederick has taught me nothing else, it’s that life keeps moving through it all. He’s a daily reminder that life is mysterious and beautiful and hope-filled and worth living to the fullest. Happy 2nd birthday to my sweet thang!

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 June 6, 2014 vs. June 6, 2013

Anyway, here’s the letter from past me to present me.

Dear FutureMe,

Congrats on your second anniversary of pushing an almost 9 pound human out of your body! Frederick is 2, and you have even more to be grateful for than ever before. I hope that as you’re reading this you are saying to yourself, hey old me, I can barely remember the heartache from that time. I hope that by now, you have fully reclaimed your confidence and your passion and your “I can do it” attitude and have been slanging it around for all the masses to see and feel. You MADE it through the roughest time of your life so far, but just like the other rough patches you’ve been through, you are better for it after it was all said and done. Can you believe you actually thought you were less of a woman because of situations out of your control?? But I am confident that today, you know and OWN the fact that you are MORE than a woman. You are a WARRIOR and an extremely loyal, dedicated, and gifted person. Do you realize that in the worst of times, you conquered your depression, your hurt, and your bad outlook on your own life to do whatever was necessary to give Frederick everything he needed and more?? That’s powerful, young lady. Even when you didn’t want to take care of yourself, you did it anyway so that Frederick could have a strong foundation and a solid connection to his mother. Even when you despised his father, you swallowed all your hurt, anger, and sadness to try to have a cordial relationship with him for the sake of Frederick. That’s not WEAK, honey, that is STRONG. Can you believe that your sweet thing was once an arm baby, then he started teetering everywhere like he would tip over at any moment. OMG I can’t wait to see what he is like at 2!!

I hope this letter finds you in a brand new, loving, positive, promising place in your life, where you wake up with happy thoughts and new ideas and a fresh outlook on the day ahead of you. Continue to leave the past in the past, and know in your heart that your future is #winning. And live today like the star you are.

I love you for all you are today, all you have been throughout your life, and the wonderfulness you will be in your future.

Love,

Your Past Self on July 3, 2013

Sharing My Journey

Sharing My Journey

In my journey so far as a single mother, I have experienced an emotional roller coaster like none I’ve ever ridden. And not just romantically–that’s actually probably the easiest part of the ride. The scariest and most difficult parts of the ride have been dealing with my self-image, managing and changing the dynamics of my friendships, and reconciling societal perspectives with my reality.

Some days, I get to a place where I want to share this experience, and other days, I don’t–mostly because I don’t want to deal with any more opinions. I also don’t like that some think I sound bitter (and in some instances, I am)–when my bitterness has waned significantly over the last two years. What’s funny is that the more I talk, the more some think I’m bitter, when in actuality, the less bitter I am, the more willing I am to talk. There was a time that the last thing I wanted to do was talk about what I was going through. And I avoided people like the plague for fear of being seen by people whose opinions I valued as a negative Nancy and bitter Betty. And then I think to myself that the bitterness that’s left should be understood–why is it even such a negative label? Emotions are what they are, so who can judge me and say and too bitter–from my perspective, it’s just as relevant to wonder if I’m bitter enough because I haven’t allowed my bitterness to permeate my decision-making as a mother. So then I began to really appreciate the people who ASKED me how I was doing and stayed around no matter what I was talking about, whether it highlighted my bitterness or not. Because they still saw me, Ranada, and still cared about me as a full person, and didn’t confine me to the box I limited my own self-image to.

There are times that I also wonder why I care what people think. And I’ve realized it’s because I’m human. Humans need to be liked, accepted, affirmed, and understood. So when I’m feeling my loneliest, it’s because I feel like the group of people who have tried to understand what my life has been like in the last two years is much smaller than the group of people I considered my friends before this ordeal began. It’s all an exercise in evaluation.

Self-evaluation, which I’ve gone above and beyond in doing for the last two years and had to realize that even though so many of the self-help articles begin and end with self-evaluation, that I was being WAY too hard on myself, and there definitely is a such thing as judging yourself too harshly.

The evaluation of the people I can truly call my village, understanding that I could not have made it to this place in my life without their support and understanding that you can’t predict who will be standing there when the dust settles. And you can only trust that God sends his encouragement through the people He chooses–over the last two years, I’ve received a good word from the most unlikeliest of places, and they were salve for my soul.

The evaluation of my previous perspectives, societal ideals, and my current reality in the context of those.

The evaluation of what happiness is to me and what role hardships have in my journey.

Evaluation.

Zora Neale Hurston’s birthday was yesterday, and one of her most well known quotes is

There are years that ask questions and years that answer.

Sometimes I think 2012 and 2013 were question-asking years and I’m hoping 2014 is an answer-giving year. But time will tell, huh?

So as my bitterness continues to subside, or at least I continue becoming one with it and learning to not care if people use it as a label when I’m only speaking my truth, I am kinda looking forward to sharing the lessons and emotions and outlooks from this joyful yet painful, rewarding yet taxing, fun yet hard, loving yet lonely journey as a single mother. Happy new year!

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God made my bambino beautiful.

I love the lyrics of Beyonce’s new song. I look at Frederick every day and am still amazed that I shared my body with him for 40 weeks exactly. And I will always be grateful for the joy he’s brought to my life. This Thursday, my #1 blessing is Frederick Daniel. ❤

It’s my birthday!

It’s my birthday!

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I’m spending my day doing what I seem to do best: reflecting. This is an Instagram post that is resonating with me. Everything happens for a reason, and just because your plans may not pan out, it doesn’t equal failure. Here’s to the success all around me. Happy, happy birthday to me, to me, to me! [In my Sprout/Chica Show/Sunny Side Up voice]