Tag: love

Be You

Be You

by Ranada ♥ 4 Comments

This song popped in my head while chatting with a friend today. It’s a song that’s actually a Stevie Wonder classic that I’ve always loved since the first time I heard it watching School Daze when I was a kid.

Butterflies begin from having been another
As a child is born from being in a mother’s womb
But how many times have you wished you were some other
Someone than who you are

Yet who’s to say that if all were uncovered
You will like what you see?
You can only be you as I can only be me

Flowers cannot bloom until it is their season
As we would not be here unless it was our destiny
But how many times have you wished to be in spaces
Time places than what you were

Yet who’s to say with unfamiliar faces
You could anymore be loving you that you’d see?
You can only be me as I can only be me

Now when I was a kid, I may have just liked it because the college queen was being crowned to it and the guy sitting on the steps was just crooning away. But now I like it because it’s something that I really strive to live by. So many of us spend so much time trying to go against the grain of whom we are instead of identifying then leveraging our talents and skills and personality traits to the fullest. We spend lots of time focused on what we (or actually, most ofthe time, others) perceive as flaws, instead of focusing on the essence of ourselves. God made us who we are on purpose. That’s not to say there aren’t things in life we don’t need to work on, but we need to just be. How do you even know what flaws you have if you really don’t know what makes you tick or understand what is really important to you and what’s not. Be who is naturally you. And let me be me.

I think there are several people out there that have issues with the fact that I. Am. Always. Me. I can’t even help it. It’s just not in my make up to even give a thought about being something I’m not. In fact, the couple of times that I’ve consciously tried, usually specifically just to make someone else feel at ease, it was a mega disaster. I know I’m quirky, I know I do based on what I feel, I know I say what’s on my mind, I know I can be hot or cold–which just so you know, is directly related to the fact that I’m either all in or pretty much completely unconcerned and I’m very passionate or nonchalant. I have dabbled in the gray, but it’s not often–usually it’s black and white. I’m okay with that. Why? Because I know it about myself, and I’ve learned (and am still learning) how to utilize the natural characteristics I have.

You know what’s really difficult for me? Dealing with people who won’t be themselves. It’s much much worse than dealing with people who are themselves and I just don’t agree with them or like particular attributes. But the genuine sincerity of just being commands my respect. We’re all different so we won’t always agree or even click, but at least we can have a real conversation. I’ve encountered this in dating because I’ve met a couple of guys who wanted me to direct them into being who I wanted them to be. Well, I can’t. I just want them to be themselves. If you being you + me being me = compatibility, then great! If not, that’s ok. It happens. But who wants to live a life of keeping up a mask to make someone else happy? Does that make you happy? If it does, well, … alrighty. But I know I wouldn’t be happy with someone imposing their ideas of whom I should be onto me, so I can’t do that to anyone else. Not on purpose anyway. Dig it?

I just really think that we really have to look within and appreciate our good qualities and recognize opportunities to drive your own life using those qualities as tools instead of always being worried to death about flaws that may or may not be flaws and letting them inhibit us from our dreams and goals.

Well that’s all I have for you today. 🙂  I’ll be back later. Until then, hopefully, I, while being me, will bump into you being you.

Feature Friday… well kinda

Feature Friday… well kinda

by Ranada ♥ 1 Comment

Today, I’m still in a sanging mood, and during an impromptu yet really solid conversation about knowing who we are and what we deserve, Sirobe reminded me of a very special song that I’m going to feature.  So I’m dedicating this one to my favorite guy (I really am singing over here, lol), especially since the artist (well, a member of the group) is living his second chance.

You knew you had me
With your sensuous charm
Yet you looked so alarmed
As I walked on by

An awesome wonder
You had to know why
I did not respond
to carry on

Chorus:
Love me in a special way
What more can I say?
Love me now
(Repeat)

Love me now
Cuz I'm special
Not the average kind
Who'll accept any line
That sounds good

So reach into your chain of thought
Try to find something new
What worked so well for you before
For me just won't do

Chorus

Love me now...

(Instrumental)

So reach into your chain of thought
Try to find something new
What worked so well for you before
For me just won't do

Love me in a special way
What more can I say?
Love me now
Love me in a me in a special way
Just love me now

Nooowwww
And tell me what more can I say
Just love me nooowwww
And tell me what more can I say?
Just love me now
Love me in a--and tell me what more can I say?
The Greats and Grands in Our Lives

The Greats and Grands in Our Lives

by Ranada ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Instead of a feature today, I just want to get some things off my chest. I have a half-written post about Nacirema Society, but y’all know how I am–I have to have some inner inspired motivation to write in this here blog. Even despite my little ploy to get myself to write twice a week no matter what.

What’s on my mind today? Family. Love. Responsibility.

I dream of a day when I’ll be able to just help my loved ones when they need it. Remember when my granddaddy died and I said that I needed to step up? Well, stepping up ain’t so easy. I mean, really, who thought it’d be hard? Well, I guess I should have known. For goodness sake, I live 400 miles away. I see my mom struggling to help everyone, and I feel bad because I can’t be there to help her help everyone.  My other granddaddy has Alzheimer’s and it’s more than a notion caring for him and making sure he’s safe and as healthy as he can be.  Sometimes he thinks it’s the 80s, sometimes he can be a little sneaky, sometimes he can be a little aggressive, but all the time he needs someone to make sure his best interest is being considered.  My mom feeds him everyday and really doesn’t get much thanks.  And of course, when I got home last week I kinda felt some kinda way about it and didn’t want to visit.  But of course, my mom is who she is and made sure I walked next door, and I softened as soon as my granddaddy said “Besides your hair, you sure are looking pretty!”  (I think it’s funny–he’ll always be himself no matter what.)  I had to be thankful that he can still recognize me and is still happy when I come home to visit.  I just wish I could help distribute some of that caretaker’s burden.

I also went to see my great aunts who I usually do not make time to see, and I have no excuse for it.  My Aunt Geneva is doing GREAT for her age and my Aunt Sweet had to blink her eyes and give me her suspicious stare before giving me her award-winning smile, and I immediately felt bad that I hadn’t been inside either of their houses in way too long although I have to drive past them any time I go to or leave my mom’s house.  Houses I used to walk to just to be around them when I was a kid.  I used to love sitting in my Aunt Sweet’s kitchen and watching her bake.  I credit her for my little baking talents now.  Why does the absent thing happen?  I know I’m not the only one who has gone too long without checking on my elderly loved ones.  I think there are several reasons. It’s hard to watch your loved ones get older and less spunky, less mobile, weaker.  It also gets easier to keep focusing on the distractions–I’m sure the first time I didn’t make time to stop by, I felt awful, but as the visits passed and I still didn’t make time, the bad feelings went away.  It also gets overwhelming to hear about family drama that you can’t do anything about.

But here are some reasons we should make time for the foundations of our families.

  • They are so wise and full of information, knowledge, and inspiration. I feel rejuvenated after I spend time with my grandma.  She loves to tell stories, and she gives advice that sometimes is masked in anecdotes.  I guess, almost like Jesus and his parables, except as she’s giving me advice, she’s sharing our family history.  I love to hear about her life experiences, how they are similar to or different than mine, and how she became who she is.  You can’t beat an oral memoir.  Besides that, I enjoy looking at her features and thinking about who looks like her, kinda like her, and imagining what I will look like as I get older.
  • We should appreciate people while they’re around to feel appreciated. My grandma and I share a special crocheting relationship.  I appreciate her for teaching me how, and she appreciates me for wanting to learn from her and carry on her talent.  And now that my granddaddy is gone, she needs to know that she’s not alone.  Of course, her kids and grandkids can’t replace her baby, whom she was with for 60 years, but we can still try to fill that gap with love.  I’m so grateful that my cousins spend time with her and do for her.
  • We kinda owe it to them. They may be a little feeble compared to the old days, but think about all they did before they went through a transformation of getting older.  It has to be tough getting older, realizing that your hands don’t work the way they used to, seeing the wrinkles invade your space, having to take medicine more than ever before.  But before that, they were ripping and running.  Doing for us.  Showing us the way.  Working to provide a good life.  They took care of us, so now we need to take care of them.  Besides, we’ll miss them when they’re gone.  I should know this especially.  After all the family funerals I’ve been to, you would think I wouldn’t have to learn this lesson so often.
  • The elderly are not aliens from outer space. Some people get really uncomfortable around older people, and sometimes I wonder how uncomfortable that makes the older person.  They’re still people, just a little older.  They still need companionship and human care and concern like er’body else.

I could talk more about abuses that I’ve read in the paper and online.  But y’all know how dirty people can be and how some people target the elderly.  All I will say is, please don’t be one of those awful people who take advantage of people.  If you haven’t visited an older member of your family in awhile, I encourage you to do so soon.  Maybe at Christmas or something.  And if you don’t have a “Great” or a “Grand” in your life, consider going by a nursing home or assisted living facility and meet one.  They’re treasures, and we should treat them as such.

Not Too Busy to Love

Not Too Busy to Love

by Ranada ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Today’s Memory Lane Monday comes from an email I sent on 1/31/07.  I spent last week in Jackson, juggling relaxing with visiting as many family members as I could with meeting up with friends and classmates.  Yesterday, when it was time to leave, I wasn’t ready because I felt like I hadn’t really done everything or seen everybody I had intended to.  But alas, I had to get back on the road.  I say all that to say, at the end of the day, it’s all about love.  Showing people, friends, family, and even strangers, love.  We’re here on earth to make a difference in someone’s life, and who knows who it will be?  Maybe just the fact that I spent a little time with my grandma, my granddaddy, my aunts, and my great-aunts was enough.  Or maybe the fact that I spent a lil time catching up with old friends was enough.  Or just maybe the short convo I had in the mall with a stranger at random was enough.  Anywho, enjoy.

Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act.  Do not say to your neighbor, “Come back later; I’ll give it tomorrow”—when you now have it with you.  Proverbs 3:27-28

A major part of being Christians is our responsibility to love.  And part of loving is giving–our time, our effort, our resources–to people in need.  It’s not always something big that the Spirit urges us to give, but we often ignore those urges.  You never know how a smile might have changed someone’s day.  Or stopping to give someone directions.  Or giving someone a dollar.  Or helping someone with a homework assignment.  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, especially for myself since I’m always on the go–every time Jesus stopped to helped someone in the Bible, he wasn’t just sitting there waiting to help someone–he was on his way somewhere, and he stopped what he was doing to assist that person in need.  We should follow suit, and try to make sure we have a loving attitude throughout our day.

MLM: How to Deal with a Broken Heart

MLM: How to Deal with a Broken Heart

by Ranada ♥ 2 Comments

Now let’s be clear: I don’t have one, lol–but I’ve definitely experienced my share of hurt and disappointment.  As I was searching through my archives, this post grabbed me, so I’m hoping one of my readers needs to see this.  I shared this on 8/19/2003.

This was going to be a phenomally long post because I wanted to share a couple of emails. I guess I have sounded really dark lately (so my friends tell me) so I’ve been getting inspiration emails. I really am fine, y’all. There is a season for everything. Anywho, two of the emails were really nice, but I will only share the one my ma sent me this morning right now. Hopefully, someone who needs it will come across my page. And I’ll be able to find it later without having to keep the email.

MountainWings A MountainWings Moment
#3231 Wings Over The Mountains of Life
————————————————-
How do you mend a broken heart?

We get a lot of prayer requests asking to simply pray for their broken heart.  So what do you do when you’ve got a broken heart?

Here are four steps that will help you up that mountain.

1. Occupy 2. Gratify 3. Sanctify 4. Glorify.

Occupy:
Occupy your time, don’t sit around moping. Do something. Idleness is the soil of self-pity and depression. Get busy. The best thing that you can do is to do something that helps others. It’s a universal principle that when you start focusing on helping others, your own problems are diminished. Don’t just stand there, DO SOMETHING!

Gratify:
Write a list of the things you like, then pick three of those things and put those things in your life – now. Make sure you can afford them and that they aren’t harmful. When our hearts are broken, we often deprive ourselves of the things we enjoy. Make an effort to put enjoyment in your life.

Sanctify:
Do good. Don’t return evil for evil, hurt for hurt, pain for pain. Don’t wish something horrible would happen to the other person. Hope for their good fortune in your spirit, and it just may release your good fortune in your world. The easiest way to forget someone, is to truly wish them well.

Glorify:
Life is not over. You can live without them. Not only can you live without them, you can live even happier without them. It is a matter of perspective. Even with the negative in your world at the moment, there is something to be thankful for. There is plenty to be thankful for actually. Give God the glory for what you have. You can’t be sad and thankful at the same time. Tell heartbreak to move over. There is a sermon on http://www.TheOnlineWord.com called, “Breaking the 3-Way Tie, How to Break Soul, Sex and Spirit Ties.” If you or someone you know is suffering from a broken heart, they might do well to listen to it.

A famous comedian said, “A man isn’t a man until he’s had his heart broken.”

It’s not really broken, it’s just tenderized.

Today will be a good day!

And as it was in 2003, I hope you’re having a great day today!  Here’s a great song from Destiny’s Child. 🙂

Ain’t no feeling like being free
When your mind’s made up and your heart’s in the right place, yeah
Ain’t no feeling like being free
When you’ve done all you could and was misunderstood
Ain’t no feeling like being free
I’m like an eagle set free and finally I’m looking out for me
Ain’t no feeling like being free
Cuz my mind’s made up and my heart is in the right place, yeah

life is short. are you living it?

life is short. are you living it?

by Ranada ♥ 1 Comment

I found out today that someone I knew in college passed away. It reminded me, yet again, that life is short and not promised. So the natural next thought in my ongoing stream of consciousness is wondering if I’m doing what’s meant for me. Do I have the right people around me? Am I taking the risks I need to take to succeed or those I need to take to be happy? Am I leaving the mark I want to leave on this earth?

I think so. I’m in a place of unbelievable possibility, intentional activity, and high expectations for awesomeness. I’m somewhat content with where I am, while taking deliberate steps to continue growing and moving forward. How bout you? Are you living today and not just planning to live tomorrow?

If not, start right now. Tomorrow might never become today.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

What is love?

What is love?

by Ranada ♥ 1 Comment

So last night I posted a Miki Howard video just because that’s what I was listening to, but overnight it grew into a full-fledged blog post.  Saturday, I saw this and it struck something inside me.

Of course, it wasn’t new to me.  But reading it at that moment just sparked something that I guess finally came to a head when I listened to Miki crooning last night.

I’m definitely not a relationship expert, but I have learned some things over my few lil years in this world.  Love, of all types, is one of those topics that covers so much that it’s hard to talk about.  I mean, really… what is love?

My fave thing to say about love, though, is that it’s not just a noun–it’s a verb.  To have love for people is to show love for people.  If it’s love for the community, you  need to be doing something for the community.  If it’s love for your family, you need to be contributing something to their health and well-being. (And currently, I’m thinking of my mother and her love for my grandfather, which is a whole other post about the highs and lows of caring for the elderly.)  If it’s a romantic love, it’s not enough to be woo-woo’ing in someone’s ear about how much you heart them–those are sweet little nothings until some actions are aligned.

One thing I’ve had to learn is that I have to be choosy (had to do that one for Aaliyah, R.I.P.) about who I dedicate my energy, my time, my patience, my love to.  All that is so simply yet eloquently written in 1 Corinthians goes both ways.  My love needs to be all those things, but I also have to remember that I deserve all those things.  And if I’m not receiving that, I should love myself more and walk away.  I mean really, we spend so much of our lives pouring ourselves into other people, not always taking the time to really evaluate if we’re giving out the right type of love to right people. And then we wonder why we’re so drained and bitter.  What we’re pouring out, we should be getting back some kinda way. Love isn’t a finite thing with a usage limit. There’s plenty to go around and it multiplies when it’s shared. You don’t have to be a martyr for love. Give some, and make sure you’re getting some.

So when someone comes around, whether a new friend or a new romantic interest, and is really positive and invested and caring, you have to be appreciative to the One above for placing that source of energy into your life. You can be thankful for the chance to give some of that patient, unselfish, hopeful love AND for the chance to recognize and receive it.  So, sang it, Miki.

Experience is a good teacher
It takes someone like me to know
All the little games people tend to play
Some call it love: It never has a chance to grow

…

The closed sign on my door, I had to tear it down
A new world of happiness turned me completely around

From the Archives: Sandcastles

From the Archives: Sandcastles

by Ranada ♥ 5 Comments

I published this on 6/6/2007.  Hope it speaks to someone today.

“All the things I had toiled for… I must leave… to the one who comes after me.” Ecclesiastes 2:18 NIV

Max Lucado writes: “A little boy is on the beach. He packs the sand with plastic shovels into a bright red bucket. Then he upends the bucket, and a sandcastle is created.

“A man is in the office. He shoves papers into stacks and delegates assignments. Numbers are juggled, contracts are signed, and a profit is made.

“Two builders–two castles. They see nothing and make something. And for both the tide will rise, and the end will come. Yet that’s where the similarities cease. For the boy sees the end while the man ignores it. Watch the boy as dusk approaches. As the waves near, the wise child begins to clap. There is no sorrow. No fear. No regret. He knew this would happen. He is not surprised. And when the great breaker finally crashes upon his castle and his masterpiece is sucked into the sea, he smiles, picks up his tools, takes his father’s hand and goes home. The grown-up, however, is not so wise. As the wave of years collapses on his castle, he is terrified. He hovers over the sandy monument he protected. He blocks the waves from the walls he has made. Salt-water soaked and shivering, he scowls at the incoming tide. ‘It’s my castle,’ he defies. The ocean need not resond. Both know to whom the sand belongs… and I don’t know much about sandcastles. But children do. Watch them and learn. Go ahead and build, but build with a child’s heart. When the sun sets and the tides take–applaud. Salute the process of life, then take your Father’s hand and go home.”

What He said to me:
1. It’s so funny how the Lord speaks to me sometimes. I would have thought he would use something like this to talk about my goals and career dreams, but for me, it was all about my dreams of having my own family one day. Crazy, huh? One thing I do when I’ve experienced pain is close myself off for long periods of time, scared to try again. But oh my, I can’t do that. I have to go ahead and build relationships with the people (men and women) the Lord puts in my path, and I have to be ready for tide. And if a tide comes, I need to appreciate all the good times and the lessons learned and let go and say bye. There’s always a war going on inside me as far as relationships go. I KNOW the Lord puts people in my path sometimes to teach me something in particular and sometimes I’m supposed to teach them something or get them through or lead them to some situation. But that doesn’t mean I like it that way. I’m such an extreme person, and I don’t know (it’s something I pray about) if that’s something I need to work on not being. When I think something–a relationship, a project, whatever–is worth it, I throw myself into it. I guess that could be a good thing if I just learned how to manage saying bye at the end.

So just like with the message last night–I need to help people achieve their dreams as I’m on the road to achieving mine. And I need to stay connected to God so that I will be able to get ready for tides. Especially with my hardheaded butt. I think half the reason I experience pain like I do is that I get so head- or heart-strong and I won’t let go when it’s time so the Lord has to eject them. But the Lord knows my dreams, especially that one, and he’ll give me what I want and need in his time, which is the perfect time.

<<::update::7/28/2010::>> So when I read the allegory this time, 3 years later, I did think about my career and where I’m headed.  I wonder about the revolution that I start in my dreams–will I ever fulfill all my dreams?  Will I actually make a substantial impact on the black community?  Lucky me, I know I will trust my instinct when I’m led to make my next moves.  I still wonder if as I get older, will I ever be like the man, holding on to something that’s out of my reach and out of my control.  And of course, I read my response from 2007, and funny how we grow over time.  I still don’t give any ole Joe Blow a chance, but I step out there and try, even knowing that if it doesn’t work out my poor lil feelings may be pummeled.  Right now, I’m in limbo, and not really trying but I’m not not trying either.  I’m just being.  And I’m cool with that.  🙂

2. I was led to share this with a bunch of people. Some I talk to regularly, some I never talk to, some I don’t want to talk to, some I probably need to talk to in order to resolve something even if I don’t know what the something is, some that an issue has recently been “resolved” but I haven’t necessarily strived to rebuild, and some who I guess maybe just needed to read this? I dunno. But as each person popped in my head, I entered their address. Who knows what kinda responses I get? I’ll definitely have to stay prayed up before I respond to anything that I get. Heck, I may not get anything. 🙂 And that would be cool too!

<<::update::7/28/2010::>> I guess this still applies because when I read this post, my first thought was to share!

And just because the name has “Sandcastle” in it and because I like this song, I’m including a lil music!


Happily Ever After

Happily Ever After

by Ranada ♥ 4 Comments

Last night a friend of mine posed the question:

What happens after happily ever after?

I replied that there is no after after the after. Got that?
“Happily ever after” is the rest of time. After the story ends, no matter what else happens during “happily ever after,” the main characters will be okay.  They will overcome obstacles, and life will continue to be worth living.

So why have I been searching for “happily ever after”?  I’m already in it! My life is definitely worth living, and I already know through the blood of Christ, that I’ve already overcome all of my obstacles.  Every minute of every day won’t be “happy,” but I know that through my pain, I find greater appreciation for joy.  Because of all the goodness in my life, I can find joy in my life despite hardships and disappointments.

You have to find “ever after” with the Most High.  It really is all about perspective.  What do we choose to focus on?  Would you rather worry or meditate?  Both require focus–the only difference is the object of that focus.  For instance, I have had some romantic failures.  I am lonely.  Long term companionship seems to evade me.  BUT should I focus on that? Or should I focus on my family, my friends, all my wonderful accomplishments and triumphs, all the projects I have going, all the dreams that I know will one day come to fruition…  Umm, my life is kinda awesome.  No really… It is.

As a dear friend told me during a crying spell, if the only thing wrong is my loneliness and I have everything else pretty much going well, why am I spending my energy on the loneliness?  As I continue to move forward in life, I have to trust that “one day my prince will come” (and stay).  And positivity comes from focusing on all the great stuff.  It’s like the serenity prayer says:

Romance is not the only piece to that “happily ever after” thing.  But having a relationship with Christ is.

It’ll take a whole other post to discuss it, but once we as human beings submit to Christ and reflect his light, we are then able to submit to one another.  I look forward to the day I will reflect the light of some great man who will cherish and adore me.  But until then, I’ll be patient. I am okay with rolling solo, being who I was made to be.

Erykah Badu, as y’all know, is one of my favorite artists.  And she captured what’s in my heart very well in this song.  Enjoy.

I’m an orange moon, reflecting the light of the Son (sun)…

I’m an orange moon, and I shine so bright cuz I reflect the light of my Sun
I praise the day He turned my way and smiled at me
He gets to smile and I get to be orange