In the last two days, I’ve seen nifty Instagram and Pinterest photos and had several conversations about being in the moment. MESSAGE. lol! It’s difficult for me to fully be present in a moment because I’m usually planning the next two moments and/or worrying about the next three moments. I will admit, though, being a mother has given me the ability to let go and be present because it seems that Frederick is doing something new every second. In the evenings when I get home from work, I look forward to just being with him and talking to him and playing with him and reading to him. If I can just apply whatever magic happens when I’m with my baby that lets me block out what has happened and what might happen next to the rest of my life, I’d be living a helluva life.
A friend of mine asked me yesterday what is the purpose of life. I told her it’s to figure out how to be in the moment. And that most of us don’t learn until we’re too old and decrepit to enjoy it. She agreed. So here’s to me and anyone else out there trying to learn how to just be in the present.
When you were still in my belly, I used to read a poem to you almost every day.
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go, my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)
This poem only begins to attempt to put into words what I feel for you. The depth of my love for you is more than I ever knew was even possible. You are my inspiration, my motivation, and my raison d’être. When I didn’t know how I would go on, you were my gentle push. I am an infinitely better person because of you. Every morning, when I look at your face when you pop up grinning after waking up, and every night, after you finally doze off after a long day of adventure, I thank God for the privilege of being your mother. I will always put your needs first (even if you don’t like it as you get older!), and I will always do what I can to expose you to the tangible and intangible things that will help you grow into a strong, productive, respectful man. Taking care of you makes me want to take care of myself. Loving you makes me know that I’m not only capable of giving love, but receiving it. You are truly the best thing I never knew I needed, and I’m so grateful for everything you’ve brought and will bring to my life.
So I know I’ve been ghost (being a single mother is consuming!) and I know I usually try to only publish positive posts, but I’ve got to share this:
I already think about this regularly since every now and then, I hear comments or see slick pictures about single mothers being their own reason for their plight. Let’s be clear. Yes, I made a mistake: thinking that the guy I cared for would care for me. But it’s not a woman’s fault if he makes a conscious decision to be a suck ass father, especially if she’s tried to bridge the co-parenting gap. People can say or think what they want about me being a single mom, but I’m slowly but surely learning that the only person I can control is Ranada. And my job is to make sure my son knows he is loved, secure, and taken care of. I sacrifice daily and nightly for him, and if people can’t understand that raising a child alone is not a cup of tea, so the freak what? The only people that matter are the people who care about and love me and my little family and support me, not try to tear me down. Ok, now moving on. In the words of Beyonce, any questions?
This really hit home this week because the asswipe across the street has threatened me twice in a week. A grown ass “man” who doesn’t even know me bringing his ass outside to scream and curse at a single woman with a 20 lb dog. Am I supposed to respect this person who is beating on his chest in front of someone who clearly couldn’t take him physically if I had to? But no worries, I’ve reported him to my HOA and I plan on filing a police report later today. It makes no sense that I can’t walk my damn dog without worrying if this lunatic is going to come outside acting crazy. After the first threat, I really was just pissed off. But after the second, I’m kind of alarmed because of stories like this. People are crazy!!!!! And with this guy, I feel like if you really think it’s okay to harass a single woman just because you think she doesn’t have anyone to back her up, YOU SUCK. And you’re not a man. You’re a punk ass bully.
Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, back to the regularly scheduled positive program. If you’re missing me, please like my Facebook page or follow my Twitter page–I post on there often. Just remember, the black community will NEVER be strong if men don’t cherish and respect women and vice versa. Women weren’t put here to be doormats–we were put here to complement our men and help build our communities up. So if all else fails, use the golden rule. Treat others the way you’d want to be treated. Happy Thursday!
BTW – the Hindu question in the picture means “Do you have any idea whose son I am?” (disclaimer: according to the internet!)