I was just thinking again about being home and remembered one of the cutest interactions of my pregnancy. One of my “big sisters” who I’ve known since I was a college sophomore and the older sister of one of my dearest friends, Adrienne, came to my shower with her two cutie pie daughters in tow, who were mini hostesses for the event. When we were all wrapping up and getting ready to leave, Taylor and Sidney asked me to tell the baby they said hi when he comes out. And I told them they could tell him right then because he can hear them! So they excitedly greeted him (and Sidney waved while saying hi–too cute!), and he started kicking! Their eyes got big, and all three of us grinned. It was such a perfect moment.
Taylor, Adrienne, and Sidney!
Hope everyone is having a great end of the week!!!
I have to say that as I head to the finish line of a fairly tumultuous pregnancy, I am so looking forward to meeting this big boy growing inside of me (and currently stretching and changing positions). I’m also looking forward to my time away from most of my other responsibilities while I just spend time with him, learning to take care of a newborn for the first time. I really can’t wait to his little face!
My house is coming along, very slowly but I think (and hope) surely. Between my cousin and my showers, I think (I’m still inventorying!) I have all the big stuff covered besides the storage things I need to order asap. His nursery has everything it needs besides paint. But back to the showers–I had nothing to do with either one, which was a brand new thing for me, and I appreciate my friends so much for such nice events. Not only were they really nice, but I also got a taste of letting go of control and letting people do nice things for me. Although I’m still not completely on board with being a “surprise” person, I can dig the surprise days of loving on Ranada. 🙂 Here are a couple of pics of me (with straight hair for the first time in two years!!) at my showers, my gracious hostesses, my core group of friends in Atlanta, and my mom and younger brother and Butterbean’s dad.
Atlanta
33 Weeks!My Fab Hostesses minus one!The Crew minus two
Jackson
34 Weeks!My Hostesses and Beautiful Line SistersLove my family
The biggest thing I’ve had to learn over this time is that having faith is one thing when your life is moving along without many hiccups and quite another when you’re actually going through the low moments of your life. Having faith has been pretty hard, but I’m learning that although it’s so much easier to believe God knows what He’s doing when the skies are blue and the grass that really pretty shade of green, it’s most important to hold on to that belief when the sky is black in the middle of the day and it’s thundering and lightning and storming and there’s nothing but ugly concrete as far as the eye can see. And I think it’s pretty cool that the worst of my experience was during the “winter” (the little we had) where it was all ugly and rainy outside, and now that I’m so much more optimistic and positive, I see bright skies out my window and walk out into great weather. There are a couple of songs by Greg O’Quin ‘N Joyful Noize that have helped me during this trial as well as others.
I couldn’t find the other one on YouTube so here are some of the lyrics. It’s called “The Conversation”.
If I never had a rainy day, I’d never know You could brighten my day
If I never felt some loneliness, I’d never know of Your friendliness
If I never fell to the ground, I’d never know You could help me rebound
I’d never ever ever ever know You this way
If I never had a broken heart, I would never know You could mend the parts
If I never reached out for Your hand, I would never know You could help me stand
If I never had to shed a tear, I’d never know You are always near
I never knew You could save me, knew You could heal me, mend a broken heart… I never knew You could touch me, knew You could love me, I never knew until the day You showed me. To know You is to love You…
This week I hit the 50 day mark and am officially less than 2 months away from having a small little human being to take care of and love and hopefully steer onto his life’s true path. I’m more excited than I’ve been throughout this process of realizing how much my life is changing and how much I can’t control or even influence. As he gets bigger and I get more wobbly, he continues more and more to be the source of perspective and gives me literal kicks of reality.
Alonzo Austin I wish I could find a picture with his longer hair and his crooked grin!
Lately, I’ve been thinking about my Uncle Lonzo a lot. And this, I’m sure, is for several reasons. One, he was the one who supported my mom when she was preggo with me, and I just appreciate everything he did for her and for me. Even years after, I still have some misty moments when I think about him being gone because I can only hope that he really knows just how much I loved/love him. He has literally given me the socks off his feet when I needed it. Two, although he’s gone I see so  much of him in his kids, who have really been amazing through my journey. It’s kind of another parallel of my mom’s life and my life. She had Lonzo, and I have his family to reach out at the exact right moments. To make me try to eat when I’m tired of trying (yes, I’m 33 weeks and I still get sick). To come with me to lamaze classes so that I’ll have a support partner. To give me a place to be when I’m really sick and need someone right there to help me if I need it. To just make me laugh and make me lighten up when I’m way too heavy. Record Deal (my cousin Kesha’s nickname for Butterbean) has nothing to worry about in terms of a circle of folks who will love him like my uncle loved me. 🙂
This week has been super rough because my character has been tested over and over again, and so far I’ve stayed true to who I want to be, but it has been stressful walking the line. And added stress is something I do not need. So let me divert my thoughts to something more pleasant because that’s not even worth the time in my first blog in April (!! I’m slippin!!)–Sunday is my first baby shower!! I don’t know anything about it–not even where the heck it is or what time it starts, but I am excited anyway (but not as much as I might be if I were not in the dark about every single detail imaginable!! Can you believe the girl who has her hands in everything has nothing to do with this!) because I can’t wait to see everybody and see what’s in store because at the end of the day, I don’t have shabby friends so I know it’s going to be great. I have friends from Chi and New York and Charlotte and Richmond and Kentucky (yeah I know that’s not a city, but hey) coming in to show their support and excitement over this big ole bundle of lovin (I love this little alien karate champ so much already!). And so, although I’m constantly making myself steer myself from something that makes me frown to something that makes me feel good and slightly giddy, I’m blessed to have those somethings to steer to.
And so here’s a song I’ve been loving and looking forward to feeling like this more days than not. Because I am so blessed! Through all the trials and issues, I know I am blessed and loved and supported and all that stuff. “Trouble gone happen; it’s just the way it be. Ain’t nothing coming easily in this life; sometimes you gotta work and you gotta grow and it gotta hurt–I’m sure you know; take a look around.”
So you folks that are constantly worried about me, keep on, lol. But not too much because I’ll be a-okay. And so will my baby. I finally believe that (even though sometimes it’s a true matter of faith but that’s what life is about, huh?). It’s amazing how many emotions I can feel in just one day, but I’m sure one day I’ll be grateful for them all. Maybe when my memoir hits the Best-Seller List. LOL Anywho, 7 weeks to go. We’re almost in countdown mode. PRAY FOR US. We got lots to do!
I’m having a much better day than yesterday, and even though my support group probably doesn’t think I always listen to their encouragement, I do. So thanks to all of you. 🙂 Also, my cousin Warren is in town and took me to P.F. Chang’s last night when my student canceled on me at the last minute. So that was a good stress reliever because you can’t not laugh when you’re around him.
And this morning, baby has been back flipping and rolling nonstop. Who can be down in the dumps when there’s a person (literally) dancing inside? I wish I had a transportable sonogram machine so I could see what in the world he’s doing in there. Maybe I would join in!
For my readers who like to ask me on sidebar how big he is, I’ll know for sure tomorrow, but last time I checked he was about 2 lbs. And according to the emails I get from thebump.com and What to Expect, he’s the size of an acorn squash, not that I really know what that looks like.
Also, here are a couple of pics of me with my bump.
you can't see my pants (i'm not completely sexy) but that's one of my fave sweaters because of its buttons at the neck. Luckily my ma taught me not to wear my clothes too tightly so I still have lots of clothes I can still wear.
Anywho, I was a little sad about not being able to vacay (and having to miss my 10-year college reunion) before Lil Man gets here, but now I have two trips home on the calendar and plan to let my brain rest for a couple of days (so if I don’t respond to your email during those trips, let me make it!) and soak up some hometown loving while I’m there. I need to get away and noone (including my wallet) will let me go to Aruba somewhere by myself). I just need some moments to breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeathe and woosah.
And… I am so excited to go to the doctor tomorrow. The bigger I get, getting my weight measured has become a game of sorts. I’ve been drinking Ensure as if they are mojitos (oh how I miss thee) and eating lots of soup since I can keep that down so fingers crossed that my doc won’t lecture me about the need to gain a little weight tomorrow. And of course I get to hear his heartbeat and get a weight estimate.
Finally, doctor’s appointment means IT’LL BE FRIDAY!! lol. And although I have a couple (ok, few) obligations this weekend, it’ll be a fun weekend because tomorrow night I’m going to see THE HUNGER GAMES (one day I’ll actually write book reviews for the books I’ve read so far in 2012–I’m up to 9 I think–but back to topic, I enjoyed the entire trilogy and am excited to see it on the screen). Saturday night, my group of friends is doing our monthly outing to dinner and to see a high school performance of The Color Purple.
So anyway, lunch break over. Time to get back to it. Hope everyone is doing well! And sending special “please be careful” vibes to Sirobe! Enjoy pursuing your dreams, lovely!
I cannot believe that in 100 days (give or take) I’ll be a full-fledged mommy. I have so much to do. I’m hoping that I can get the bulk of what I need done by the end of March–(finding a new bedroom suite that will add storage options for all of the clothes I decide to keep (I’m giving away ALOT of clothes to make room for this little guy), getting his nursery area emptied out and painted and baby furniture set up, getting my guest bedroom up to par for the uber awesome people who decide to come help me :-D, getting my downstairs better organized so things will be easier when I’m rushing, etc., and getting Smokie acclimated to not going in the nursery and familiar with new smells so he’ll be as ready as spoiled-dogly possible). Whew, I’m already tired! And I start all my classes in a couple weeks!
This morning, I came across this on Pinterest.
At first, I thought easier read than practiced. But then I kept reading it and considering it (and trying not to be a pessimist), and really, this is in line with my Lent goals. Thinking about all the good things that come with having my baby has been very helpful to coping with all the things that are/seem overwhelming. And when I feel I’m in trouble, I can either lash out, acting on my fear and anger, or I can be patient and believe that it’ll work out even if I don’t see how. And added to that, God keeps sending me people who help me by saying a kind word, sharing their own experiences with me, lending their talents to my plight (thanks Shannon (talent: throwing stuff away) for helping me sort through my massive amount of clothes and thanks Vonetta (talent: shopping for baby stuff and being persistent about it) for making me go to stores I would otherwise avoid, e.g. Buy Buy Baby and Babies R Us), sending unexpected cards that make me smile (and of course get misty because I’m a big cry baby), crossing stuff off the things I need before I even ask (thanks Rashida and mama!), and just making me laugh when I didn’t think it was possible.
Here are a couple of songs I’ve been trying to keep on my mind.
and
 Hold to God’s Unchanging Hand <– I can’t find a YouTube video where they’re singing like my Zion Travelers does! But basically, the song says that life isn’t always easy but to build your hope on things eternal.
So far so good with Lent. And I will admit that when I’m not worrying or wading in anger and negativity (it happens but either immediately or after a couple of tears, I remind myself to shift my thoughts to something else) feels much better. And I know it’s better for the baby. Saturday, one of God’s messengers (thank you Niki!) suggested I go get a pregnancy massage so I’m gonna look into that and I gotta get my schedule synced with my photographer friend so we can finally do my maternity pics. 🙂 And I’ve finally started doing better with my scrapbook pages. I have to get pictures printed but I’ve gotten four pages done to the point where all I need is to paste the pic.
Ok, gotta go. Hope everyone has a productive week!
Today after getting over a mini-scare (not really a scare–more like a pause to raise my eyebrow) this morning when I had a stomach cramp that wouldn’t go anywhere. Turned out to be a little gas that went away after being a little gross, especially for the office. I took a walk, ate some cereal, had a good burp, passed a little gas (I know that’s TMI but it’s so the truth), and took another walk, and then Butterbean (who is now Buster Bean to my ma since he’s a boy) started back moving around like he was in a marathon.
Anyway, almost everyday I find things that I know I’ll enjoy taking my lil man to. From trips to DC to see the future black history Smithsonian to simple things like Sunday Funday (read: a cheap day) at the zoo to community opera to telling him about/showing him pics of other countries since I have well traveled friends (and I’m not so shabby myself), my baby is sure to be exposed to lots. I’m looking forward to finding low cost ways to enrich his learning while having lots of fun. My ma already made the observation that I have way more books than the average person listed on my registries. Well, I’m just hoping that people will include a little book with whatever gift they graciously bestow to my baby. I want him to be an avid reader like I am. To enjoy a wide array of stories and learn from them. To stretch his brain and fill it up with useful information and make him open to all the possibilities life has to offer him. I’m holding off a little while on picking DVDs for him, but I’m excited about that too because I remember my niece used to love love love to watch VeggieTales with my dad, and one of my personal faves is still School House Rock (which someone has loaned me so I need to find one of those places that makes copies!). I mean I learned some French before I ever took any classes at school from tapes that my mom bought with nifty songs. I love incorporating learning for myself with fun stuff, so I’m sure this will be a mere extension of what I already enjoy! I still have very fond memories of family trips to various cities and all the black history museums and aquariums we visited. Can’t wait to make those memories for my own family. 🙂
And of course I am hoping for a well-rounded child. He should have some predisposition to athleticism since everyone on my dad’s side of the family plays baseball (including his cousins who are all becoming forces to be reckoned with in t-ball and youth baseball), his dad plays basketball, one uncle played baseball, and another played football. And he should have some musical talent since both his parents sing and love music and play or have played instruments (I played the violin for years and his dad plays piano). Both his parents have artistic skills too. So much promise growing in my belly!
If you can’t tell, I’m getting excited about meeting this little fella and seeing what kind of person he’ll be.
Real Middle School Mom of Atlanta 