I was just thinking again about being home and remembered one of the cutest interactions of my pregnancy. One of my “big sisters” who I’ve known since I was a college sophomore and the older sister of one of my dearest friends, Adrienne, came to my shower with her two cutie pie daughters in tow, who were mini hostesses for the event. When we were all wrapping up and getting ready to leave, Taylor and Sidney asked me to tell the baby they said hi when he comes out. And I told them they could tell him right then because he can hear them! So they excitedly greeted him (and Sidney waved while saying hi–too cute!), and he started kicking! Their eyes got big, and all three of us grinned. It was such a perfect moment.
Hope everyone is having a great end of the week!!!
This week I hit the 50 day mark and am officially less than 2 months away from having a small little human being to take care of and love and hopefully steer onto his life’s true path. I’m more excited than I’ve been throughout this process of realizing how much my life is changing and how much I can’t control or even influence. As he gets bigger and I get more wobbly, he continues more and more to be the source of perspective and gives me literal kicks of reality.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about my Uncle Lonzo a lot. And this, I’m sure, is for several reasons. One, he was the one who supported my mom when she was preggo with me, and I just appreciate everything he did for her and for me. Even years after, I still have some misty moments when I think about him being gone because I can only hope that he really knows just how much I loved/love him. He has literally given me the socks off his feet when I needed it. Two, although he’s gone I see so much of him in his kids, who have really been amazing through my journey. It’s kind of another parallel of my mom’s life and my life. She had Lonzo, and I have his family to reach out at the exact right moments. To make me try to eat when I’m tired of trying (yes, I’m 33 weeks and I still get sick). To come with me to lamaze classes so that I’ll have a support partner. To give me a place to be when I’m really sick and need someone right there to help me if I need it. To just make me laugh and make me lighten up when I’m way too heavy. Record Deal (my cousin Kesha’s nickname for Butterbean) has nothing to worry about in terms of a circle of folks who will love him like my uncle loved me. 🙂
This week has been super rough because my character has been tested over and over again, and so far I’ve stayed true to who I want to be, but it has been stressful walking the line. And added stress is something I do not need. So let me divert my thoughts to something more pleasant because that’s not even worth the time in my first blog in April (!! I’m slippin!!)–Sunday is my first baby shower!! I don’t know anything about it–not even where the heck it is or what time it starts, but I am excited anyway (but not as much as I might be if I were not in the dark about every single detail imaginable!! Can you believe the girl who has her hands in everything has nothing to do with this!) because I can’t wait to see everybody and see what’s in store because at the end of the day, I don’t have shabby friends so I know it’s going to be great. I have friends from Chi and New York and Charlotte and Richmond and Kentucky (yeah I know that’s not a city, but hey) coming in to show their support and excitement over this big ole bundle of lovin (I love this little alien karate champ so much already!). And so, although I’m constantly making myself steer myself from something that makes me frown to something that makes me feel good and slightly giddy, I’m blessed to have those somethings to steer to.
And so here’s a song I’ve been loving and looking forward to feeling like this more days than not. Because I am so blessed! Through all the trials and issues, I know I am blessed and loved and supported and all that stuff. “Trouble gone happen; it’s just the way it be. Ain’t nothing coming easily in this life; sometimes you gotta work and you gotta grow and it gotta hurt–I’m sure you know; take a look around.”
So you folks that are constantly worried about me, keep on, lol. But not too much because I’ll be a-okay. And so will my baby. I finally believe that (even though sometimes it’s a true matter of faith but that’s what life is about, huh?). It’s amazing how many emotions I can feel in just one day, but I’m sure one day I’ll be grateful for them all. Maybe when my memoir hits the Best-Seller List. LOL Anywho, 7 weeks to go. We’re almost in countdown mode. PRAY FOR US. We got lots to do!
Well, my dream is to make a profound positive impact on the black community. And through Reads and Reels, I can see some of that coming to fruition. This weekend, I led a group of 15 volunteers in New Orleans as we participated in the ongoing rebuilding efforts. It was a humbling, educational, inspirational, reassuring, lesson-learning, comical, friendship-building time, and I’m so glad that I had the idea and acted on it. I’ll definitely be doing it again very soon. I’m uploading pictures and sharing stories over the next few days.
For Memory Lane Monday, though, I want to share this piece I sent to friends on May 4, 2007 after a sermon I heard.
“Look, this dreamer is coming!…Let us…kill him.” Genesis 37:19-20
What’s your dream?
Everybody has a dream. What’s yours? If you could do anything, what would it be? Most of us don’t achieve great things because we give up, we fall short, we get off track, we settle, or we dream too small. Only two things stand in your way: dreaming it, then doing it. Have you dared to dream, really dream? If something is within your apparent reach, it isn’t a dream. If it doesn’t stretch you, cost you, or involve risk, it isn’t a dream. Dreams change you even as they change the world around you.
Maybe you’re listening to critical people. Remember the story of Joseph? He dreamed big dreams. God-given dreams. And what was the response of his brothers? They said, “Look, this dreamer is coming!… let us… kill him.” People who aren’t pursuing their own dreams are usually the first to criticize people who are. So, who are you listening to?
Maybe you’re afraid to dream too big. You don’t want to fail. Nobody does. But “safe living” leads to regret. Theodore Roosevelt said, “Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor souls who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.” What’s the worst thing that could happen if you pursue your dream and don’t achieve it? You could end up where you are now. And what’s the best thing that could happen? You could find yourself in new territory, enjoying new blessings, living the life God meant for you to live!