I am Nada Dee, and I am working on me.

I am Nada Dee, and I am working on me.

by Ranada ♥ 3 Comments

So!  If you know me really well, you know I can’t stand the spotlight.  Especially if I have to open my mouth.  Some think it’s really hard to believe because I’m always serving in leadership capacities, but I’ve always been kind of a behind the scenes person.  Well, I’ve realized that in my life–at work, in social settings, and in community settings–I really need to get over this dislike of public speaking and meeting people cold (without any introduction) so that I can walk through any doors that God may open in order to let His light shine through me.

So yesterday, I attended a one-day seminar at Emory about being an effective presenter, and boy, was I blessed.  Vicki Flier Hudson is the bomb, and this class is definitely worth the time and mulah.  At the beginning of the day, we discussed what our barriers were and how to overcome them.  We were told that in order to tighten up our outer game, we have to deal with the inner game.  I had never really asked myself WHY I don’t like all eyes on me.  Or at least not long enough to come up with an answer.  So when I was asked yesterday, I kinda just gave a blank stare.  And after the talk, I think it’s really just fear of the unknown and being self-conscious of what someone may be thinking as they size me up.  #1 thing I took from the class yesterday: “I am Nada Dee, and I have something valuable to offer these people.”  I will begin reciting that mantra before I have to stand before an audience and speak about something.

According to my teacher, I have the skills.  I am personable and I connect well with my audience, make great facial expressions (everyone knows that! lol), sound like I know what I’m talking about.  But I find myself giving off negative body language because of my apprehension and low self-confidence of being in front, and I don’t project loudly enough sometimes.  So knowing my weaknesses and going equipped with new exercises to deal with these, I think the class was an awesome launching pad for improvement.  I’ve also joined Toastmasters, and I have resolved not to turn down any more opportunities to share who I am and what I have to offer to anyone.  Whether it be speaking, singing, or whatever. One day I may even like getting up and talking to groups of people.  Oh how unstoppable I will be then.  Happy Friday!

Gender Roles and the State of the Black Family

Gender Roles and the State of the Black Family

by Ranada ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Today I’ve had lively conversations about the following media:

http://www.youtube.com/user/shanelcooper

http://www.crosswalk.com/singles/11608840/

Take a look!  I’ll be back later when I have a minute to sit down and really delve into my thoughts and share.

Update :: October 9, 2010 :: I promise I’m coming back.  I just have so much to do!!

The Big Day!

The Big Day!

by tanjalap ♥ 2 Comments

So today was the big day – my first talk at an international research conference. I was excited, nervous, and sleepy all wrapped up into one! I’m thankful that my niece stayed up until after 12:30am (US time) to make sure that I was up by 6:30am (Berlin time) because I was having trouble getting out of the bed this morning! 🙂

The session began at 8am and my talk was scheduled for 9:30am. By the time the presenter right before me was up, I was giving myself my usual “you’re the expert…you’re the greatest….don’t panic….it’ll be over soon… you can do it….” speech. Lol. Then, the moment of truth – I heard them call my name followed by “Tanjala was awarded The Transplant Society Young Investigator Award/Travel Grant…” And then it was showtime.

Before I knew it I was up talking….things were going well – no fumbles, talking at an ok pace, no problems, halfway done…then my mouth got super dry!! Like super super dry! Lol. Part of my brain said “drink the water on the podium” but the OCD-part of my brain said “no you can’t drink the water…what if that is somebody else’s water…what if the lady forgot to change the glass!!?!?” So, I didn’t drink the water. But I finished up the talk with no fumbles, in spite of the dry mouth problem. Lol. Afterwards, people were congratulating me on the award and said that I did a great job. So yay! 🙂

I then attended another session where I recognized one of the experts from Harvard as a keynote speaker. I was sitting there listening and all of a sudden I heard the Harvard expert say “….these findings were similar to those presented in this morning’s 8am session by the Johns Hopkins study……” and I was thinking “dang I thought I was the only one presenting a study from Hopkins this morning…oh wait, THAT’S ME…HE’S QUOTING OUR STUDY…an Associate Professor at Harvard is quoting the talk I just gave 30 minutes ago!!!” After the session, I introduced myself to him and he responded “Oh, I know who you are…I enjoyed your talk this morning….you guys are doing some great work…..”

In my best Derwin Davis voice “Oh yeah, that’s what’s up!!” 🙂

Needless to say, my morning turned out to be a great one, and I’m glad the “business” part of my trip is over! Now I can relax and enjoy the remainder of my trip.

Tanjala’s First International Trip — Berlin!

Tanjala’s First International Trip — Berlin!

by tanjalap ♥ 1 Comment

In honor of my first international trip to Berlin, I am writing my first real blog post!  Anyone who knows me knows that this is a huge accomplishment. 🙂 So here is a recap of Days 1-3 of my trip!

I left for Berlin on Saturday at 5:30pm EST and arrived here on Sunday around 5:30pm (Berlin time). Initially, I was slightly nervous about flying over the ocean for such an extended period of time but all of my flights (leaving Baltimore, Atlanta, and Paris) went smoothly. Of course I slept the ENTIRE TIME on ALL THREE FLIGHTS! I woke up on the flight from Atl to Paris in time for breakfast (egg-cheese-biscuit-thing, juice, banana) and went right back to sleep, and I didn’t wake up at all on the first and third flights.

My layover in Paris was interesting – the Charles de Gaulle airport has a weird layout but just knowing that I was in Paris was definitely cool. I also got a stamp in my passport book! While in Paris, I also had a couple of “interesting” conversations with people who thought I spoke French and some other stuff. Lol. I eventually learned to speak back to people in MY LANGUAGE when others greeted me in their languages in order to avoid any confusion (i.e. to avoid having to say “I don’t understand” once they got too deep into the convo).  After my final flight, a French guy started having a convo with me in French. He eventually translated into English (after realizing I didn’t understand a word of what he said) “Oh, I said that I am jealous of you. You looked like you were getting some really good sleep.” Me: (slightly embarrassed) “Oh yeah, I was tired…” Lol.

Random thought: the people in Berlin are TALL. Lol, of course everybody is taller than I am but still..they are tall.

Back to the story – My luggage didn’t arrive in Berlin with me. Oh no! 😦 Surprisingly, I didn’t panic. Filled out the lost luggage info card and headed to my hotel on the Tegel Express Bus. My trip to the hotel was also a nice experience – and I’m glad I chose this instead of a taxi. My hotel is also nice, and I have internet access so I’m good.

Today was the first day of the conference, and I needed to register and take a copy of the powerpoint for my speech tomorrow morning. Did I mention that my luggage did NOT arrive?!?! Lol. So, what’s a girl to do? I not-so-proudly walked over to the conference center and registered/took my presentation wearing jeans/tshirt!! It seemed that nobody really even noticed, or maybe they just didn’t react to it. Lol. I was trying to hurry up and leave when I was stopped by a man attending the conference. I thought he was about to kick me out or something but he just wanted to have a convo with me. He thought I was someone he met in North Carolina, and he continued talking even after he figured out that I wasn’t the right person…

I was eventually able to get outta there and I located some local shops/clothing stores to avoid wearing these same funky jeans for my speech tomorrow. BUT my luggage finally arrived this afternoon! So, now (at 7:41pm) I just need to focus on preparing for my speech, etc.

In summary: a)I arrived safely in Berlin, b) I won’t be presenting in funky clothes tomorrow, and c) hopefully, the talk will be excellent! So, wish me luck!!

I’ll be back later to let you know how things go with the talk and to update you after I really start my sightseeing adventures!

Introducing International Traveler, tanjalap!

Introducing International Traveler, tanjalap!

by Ranada ♥ 1 Comment

Well, Tanjala, who has been like a little sister to me since she realized that I was just Ranada and not <insert my full name here> that she expected to meet when we met her at Starbucks way back when to discuss a website, is currently in Germany!!! This is her first international trip, and she was chosen to make a research presentation over there for a conference.  I’m super happy for and proud of her, and I can’t wait to read about her experiences as a guest blogger! 🙂

The Present can help you understand the Past sometimes.

The Present can help you understand the Past sometimes.

by Ranada ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Experience is a good teacher. – Miki Howard

Since the death of my grandfather, I’ve been hyper-sensitive and aware of what I’m feeling and how various experiences have affected my life.  This weekend, Rick came in town to cheer me up (we went to Six Flags and grilled on my deck!) and to do a little work around my house, and I realized in an active way that I’ve been emotionally abused before. While I’m sure I knew that, it became real to me this weekend.  My ex, who I’ve nicknamed HolyRoller in another blog, really took a toll on me.  His knowledge of Bible verses and proclivity to pray with me and appearance of “fitting in” with my idea of a good future eased me into dropping my guard down and letting his use of Bible verses to insult me or win arguments and judgmental attitudes and position that he could hear from God and thus not consider my position on anything become a regular way of life for me.  I was in that relationship for only about 6 months, but it has had long-reaching negative impacts on me.

The week before my granddaddy’s funeral, I woke up a few nights in tears and called Rick, who woke up and ministered to me.  Although he doesn’t quote Bible verses daily, he has been there for me spiritually, reminding me Who holds tomorrow and has perfect timing when I didn’t want to accept that for myself.  Rick and I have a past, chock full of ups and downs, and my temper has gotten rather severe over the years, but he’s been quite patient with me as I calm my nerves, even when I’ve gone off for no tangible reason.  So, Saturday, I shouldn’t have been surprised when he saw how chaotic my room has become and decided to put organizing my room on our to-do list instead of quoting Proverbs 31 and telling me I’m less than a woman, as HolyRoller did.  But I was surprised–because I realize that I’ve had a poor self-image based on my organization skills despite the rest of my skills just because of one person who instead of being helpful was judgmental. (Background information – he was around when I moved into my house and I chose him to help me move in because he said that he would help me organize before I got settled since that’s one of his strengths. But he said that a Christian woman would be able to figure it out/pray for God to increase her housekeeping skills, whether he helped or not. Go figure.)

And as I continue to do a self-assessment, I know my church activity and excitement about being in His house drastically waned since that experience.  I find myself wondering how I could have been so oblivious to my own health that I would allow one experience with someone to derail my relationship with God, one that I’ve been building since I was a child.  I had some real issues with the man upstairs for even letting me deal with him.  But in the last few months, I’ve been working on that and rebuilding my relationship.

And although I don’t think about HolyRoller often and don’t talk to him at all, I’m getting to a place where I can look back and figure out the purpose of that interaction.  I haven’t had that clear lightbulb moment, but I am getting hints here and there.  And for one thing, I know that in my quest for a God-fearing man, I don’t have to find one that speaks in King James version, but one that acts like the Word is ingrained him and will love me unconditionally, knowing that none of us are perfect, not even me, the girl who was been blessed with a ton of gifts and talents and sometimes gets tired of being held to the highest expectations.  I need someone who understands that although I am a strong-willed person, even I am weak at times and it’s ok.  Someone who likes me even when my hair is a hot mess and I don’t feel like putting on matching clothes or makeup (oh boy, I looked crazy this weekend).  Someone who will let me comfortable just being me with no pretenses or explanations.

Of course, I can’t see the future, and I don’t know what the future holds for Rick and me, but I do know that I am super appreciative of the stability and understanding and help he’s provided this second go-round and I have very high hopes.  Some may not “get” us or understand the connection we have, but it’s obvious to me.  He gets me, and he lets me be me, as weird or as all over the place or as high-strung or as paradoxical or as unorganized as I can be at times.  He balances me out, and God knew I needed that balance right now.  I’m working daily on a better me, and I’m happy to have people in my life that support that effort.

In Loving Memory

In Loving Memory

by Ranada ♥ 9 Comments

(written yesterday)

Today we buried my granddaddy.  He was a true patriarch, and he was one of those people I always thought was invincible.  I know he had to go, and I know he is in a much better place, but it’s still really hard.  As I sat at the funeral and read his obituary and listened to people reflect on their interactions with him, I really reflected on how much he has influenced my family.

My granddaddy, Will Henry (W.H.) Robinson, Jr., was a really kind man who loved to help people.  And he was very aware of his community and his family.  He was a role model to us, but to so many other people too.  He was a hands-on grandfather, and each of us grandkids thought we had the sweetest sugar in the world.  I think one of the things that makes me most sad is that my future kids won’t get to play his version of patty cake or to know what it’s like running up the path to his seat in the front yard to slap him with some sugar.  And I’m the last one of his granddaughters without my own family, so he won’t be able to see me in the gown or have “the talk” with my future hubby.  My grandparents had been married for 61 years, and they still looked at each other with googly eyes like it was still 1948.  My grandma was my granddaddy’s china doll, and he showed us all how a man should treat his wife and provided a frame of reference for a successful marriage even when our own parents’ marriages were failing.  I pray that I’ll end up in a happy, loving marriage with a husband who looks at me like I’m his world even when we hit our 80s.

What I see in myself, though, is my granddaddy’s love for community, which was passed down through my daddy and drilled in by my mom.  My granddaddy was a true pillar.  He was a historian, and he used his knowledge of the city, and particularly the western part of it, to help people.  He did a lot on his own, donating fruit to kids every Christmas, organizing the first black golf club to be chartered in the state, managing and coaching a semi-pro baseball team (Homestead Greys), and also with his Masonic Lodge and his church.  He knew public officials and other influential people in the city, but like the pastor who gave the eulogy today said, they knew him.  And my granddaddy used his contacts to make a difference.  Most of all, he was an entrepreneur, and he was a real life example of economic empowerment.  In 1957, my granddaddy opened Robinson Shoe Shop and used it as a means of livelihood and as a means of blessing others.  Working miracles with old and beat up shoes, he was an upstanding businessman who handed down the trade and the ability to work with people to his sons.  I’ve never in my life heard anyone accuse my granddaddy of shady business practices.  And he had customers of all colors.  I’ve always said that economic empowerment requires getting people outside your particular community to spend and leave their money in it to create some community circulation of dollars.  Well, guess who I had to learn that from.

So now, I will cherish the rest of my family.  I will do a better job of checking on my grandma and my other grandfather.  I can’t imagine what my grandma is going through after losing the love of her life.  I used to write her letters because she loves to read (who does that sound like lol), so I will definitely start back writing her just to make sure she knows how much I love her and think about her.  I’d actually like to write a family history book, so maybe I’ll get her to help me with that.  And I’ll definitely keep working on being the type of person that my granddaddy was and that he’d be proud to see.

I’ve always been the quiet, reserved one who was protected by the rest of my cousins.  (Hey, I’m the youngest granddaughter.)  But I need to step up and integrate all the stuff I’ve come to love doing as an adult on my own with my family life.  I love traveling, so I plan to take some trips so I can really get to know some relatives who are a little distant (like my granddaddy’s niece and her kids or my  grandma’s brothers).  I love community development, so I will continue to be vested in my hometown and what’s going on with Robinson Shoe Shop (which was reopened in 2002 by my daddy and my uncle Teddy).  I will try to think of my granddaddy’s death as a charge to accept a promotion to a higher post with greater responsibility in family.  I’m no longer just a little cousin.  I have tons of little cousins who are now who my cousins and I used to be.  It’s the progression of life, I suppose, and through my tears and after they’ve dried up, I will use my granddaddy’s memory as an inspiration.

Highlights from the Highway

Highlights from the Highway

by Ranada ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Ok ok ok… I’m off the highway now and have been since Sunday night, but I liked that title. 🙂

I had a BLAST this weekend.  I saw so many people I haven’t seen in so long, and it was a good time just like the old days!  Friday night, we caught up in my high school’s cafeteria during our mix and mingle.  The highlight of the event was seeing Chad Royston, who was one of my fave people in the ACCENT (gifted) program in elementary.  We were also in orchestra and most of my accelerated classes together.  He still remembered being my 50s dance partner in 6th grade as we learned dances like swing.  And he showed me the Lindy Hop that he’s been learning recently in Texas, where he lives now!

Then, I bar hopped like the old days (but the old days for me was in college–I had never gone from place to place with them since I left early!).  We went to a Mexican restaurant for margaritas, a regular bar to meet up with other folks, and then to another lil place where one of us was hosting a party.  I got in at like 3, so I was beat!

Saturday… I slept in!!  And woke up to text messages about meeting up at Shoney’s that morning.  Oops!  That night, Rick escorted me to our class party, and there were even more people there.  We had over 400 people in our class.  So of course, because I hadn’t seen or talked to so many in so long, I forgot how many friends I had!  Mostly everyone still look the same and are doing very well!  Yay, class of ’99!  After that, Rick and I went to the 930 Blues Cafe and kept the good times rolling.  The okra was to die for, and of course the drinks and music were worth the while.

Overall, we had a really good turnout, and we definitely reconnected.  I’ll probably see my classmates way more often now.  We’re already thinking of doing something around Christmas.  🙂  Go Arrows!

Milestones

Milestones

by Ranada ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

On Friday, I’ll be attending my 10 year high school class reunion!  Nutzo!  I can’t wait to see everyone who comes out.  It’s been 11 years since I’ve seen many of my classmates since I skipped my senior year (but I was in our cohort since 4th grade so they can’t get rid of me!).  I’m looking forward to seeing how we’ve evolved and how we’ll interact as grown folks.  Facebook has been a blessing and a curse since I’ve seen lots of folks on there but also because they’re not as pressed to come.

I bet I’ll have at least one story to share on here.  So until then!

Love and Life

Love and Life

by Ranada ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Simple yet complicated.

Easy yet difficult.

Straightforward yet convoluted.

Clear yet confusing.

Forever yet fleeting.

<edit 8/13/09 9:07 pm>

Fretful yet patient.

Anxious yet enthusiastic.

Far away yet close.

Lofty yet boundless.

Aged yet brand new.