Expression Under New Management

Expression Under New Management

I haven’t been writing as much as I once did because I have felt stifled and unable to express myself freely. I am working on my perspective and figuring out what I need to do to feel okay to say what’s on my mind again.

I’ve realized that over the last year, I’ve begun caring a lot more than ever about what people think of me, how they interpret what I say (even when I didn’t think there was much wiggle room in the meaning), and how others may use my words against me. This is new territory for me because although of course I’m human so I’ve had some level of care, it never really stopped me from being who and what I wanted to be or saying whatever I had to say. Even when I was a Hillary Clinton fan in the 2008 primary election being questioned about my blackness, lol–I still didn’t shut up or let anyone make me feel less than awesome because of my beliefs. But now, I’ve found myself not wanting to share my feelings largely because of the fear that people will feed on the weaknesses that I have sometimes and exacerbate them or judge me for being on a path I didn’t plan to be on or anything else negative I haven’t been certain I could handle. That pit bull my ma has said I am has turned into a bit of a poodle. (But watch out because I’ve heard poodles aren’t wimps either!) Interesting turn of events.

I used to be a person who believed in taking risks and not having regrets, and I’ve now come to regret being that way. Isn’t that something? But I war with myself because I also feel like not taking risk is a risk in itself–a huge risk of one of the things that makes me who I am. But is that really who I am or is that just a chapter of my life? I dunno.

Stay with me. I’ll be back posting on a regular basis (instead of once a month) and writing posts better than ever soon (I hope).

Thanks to everyone who has been reading me since my old blog on blogger back in the day and those who read now. I appreciate you, especially those of you who comment and give me feedback.

Tuesday Tunes just for me

Tuesday Tunes just for me

I haven’t really been feeling like writing lately because I’ve been in one of my down periods but with effort I’m in transition mode to being ok. But as has always been the case, music has been my place to turn when I can’t express how I feel. So here’s a taste.

So when I stumble off the path
I know my heart will guide me back…

Ooh hey I’m trying to decide which way to go
I think I made a wrong turn back there somewhere

Free your mind and find your way
There will be a brighter day

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they’re here to stay

There’s a shadow hanging over me.

Now I need a place to hide away…

Either i’m going to trust you or I may as well walk away
’cause stressing don’t make it better… don’t make it better, no way

There ain’t nothing too hard for my God, no
Any problems that I have, He’s greater than them all