Ceremony as a Love Language

Ceremony as a Love Language

There’s something sacred about the way we do things.

Whether it’s a homegoing, a church service, or a college commencement, Black pomp and circumstance has its own rhythm: a choreography of care, history, and pride.

I thought about it this weekend as I sat in the sanctuary of the church I spent my childhood and young adulthood attending regularly. It was lined with so many flowers I couldn’t see the pulpit from the second pew. As I watched everyone sit on the right side, leaving most of the left open for the family to process in, I started thinking about how we just know. How customs are just rooted and observed through time. There’s an unspoken order to how we show up. A reverence that moves through us like a well-rehearsed hymn.

The same feeling rises at commencement. At Tougaloo, the drums start first — deep, resonant, ancestral — and suddenly we’re connected to something far older than the institution itself. It’s one thing to observe it, but it was a whole different thing to experience it as a graduate myself, trying to keep up with the march across campus to our seats. When I attend commencement to support new graduates, I’m reminded of that feeling but also am grounded in this ritual serving as a thread that ties all of us together over time. And I’m looking forward to feeling that feeling again when I go back for my silver graduation in a couple of years. It’s not just ceremony; it’s continuation. A declaration that our striving and our joy deserve a soundtrack.

In church, it’s the hymns that have survived generations. Sometimes when I sit in my church, I envision Deacon Jones starting the devotional and wish I could hear him call “I know I am a child of God” and wait for us to respond as a congregation. I miss the devotional because it just felt important in my bones. It felt deeply spiritual, and every now and then I sing it to myself, and as I sit here typing, I wonder what healing or comfort it’s providing that I don’t even realize. I can still hear Mother Curlie sing her special version of This Little Light of Mine, wondering if I’d ever be that voice that leads from the pews without ever touching the choir stand. I cherish the way I give countless hugs when I walk in on my way to my seat. I appreciate that when a word hits home, there’s always someone I can look at, and they just get it without me saying anything.

Even in our everyday lives, the rituals are there. The “say thank you” that echoes from moms through the generations, the debates about whether or not fish and spaghetti go together, the connections through memories of fried chicken Wednesdays on varied HBCU campuses, the plastic-covered furniture or the wooden panel walls in your grandmother’s living room that somehow we all reminisce about. The details that shape us, bind us, and make us smile when we realize how universal they are.

Black pomp and circumstance isn’t about extravagance. It’s about intention. It’s how we show love, how we hold history, how we make meaning out of moments both monumental and ordinary. It’s ceremony as language. Beauty as inheritance.

We’ve been curating sacredness for centuries — in our grief, in our joy, in our striving, in our rest. Whether it’s a processional, a praise, or a favorite meal on a particular day, the message beneath it all remains the same:

We matter enough to mark the moment.

Soundtrack of My Life: Total Praise by Richard Smallwood

Coming Home: Family, Freedom, and the Fight Ahead

Coming Home: Family, Freedom, and the Fight Ahead

I hadn’t been home to Mississippi in six months. I need to be here, my birthplace, physically to sit still, hear the rhythms of my people, enjoy the laughter, listen to the familiar voices that know me truly to be reminded of what I’m actually fighting for. To rejuvenate me. To give me even a small reset. I know the pace I keep is unsustainable, and the times we’re entering demand clarity, strategy, and soul. And there’s no place that can revitalize my soul like home.

Today is the Fourth of July. Independence Day, they call it. But let’s be real—none of us are truly free. Not now. Not ever. Not with the way things are heading.

Not with the Big Uglazz Bullshit Bill ready to wreak havoc on our communities far and wide. Not with rights unraveling in broad daylight while some folks act like nothing’s happening. Not with a political climate that keeps chipping away at our autonomy, our safety, and our ability to care for ourselves and one another.

While Black communities have always carried the heaviest weight in this country’s unfulfilled promises, this moment feels even more expansive in its harm. The target is broader. The aim is deeper. It’s not just about race. It’s not just about gender. It’s about erasing the very things that make us whole—our bodies, our stories, our families, our agency.

Make no mistake—it’s not just about legislation.
It’s about how policy becomes culture.
How oppression gets normalized in real time.
How the system depends on us being too tired, too overstimulated, too divided, or too disconnected to resist with any real force.

That’s why I had to come home and stay even just a lil while. I needed it physically, spiritually, emotionally, and strategically.

Family is a grounding force. It’s not always easy. It’s not always tidy. But it’s real. In times like these, being rooted in something real is the only way to survive—let alone build something better.

Family reminds us of who we are.
Family reminds us of what’s worth protecting.
Family reminds us that no matter what they legislate, they can’t erase our lineage, our joy, or our collective will.

So I’m preparing. Yes, I’m stocking the pantry. Yes, I’m thinking ahead. But more than that—I’m tending to my relationships. Reconnecting with the people who keep me sane. Laughing with my son. Listening to my elders. Connecting with the folks I know are aligned with my values and vision for the future. Taking inventory of what matters. Restoring the kind of love, trust, and presence that policy can’t touch, but that will absolutely shape how we respond to it.

Because when the storm comes—and let’s be clear, it’s already here in some places—we won’t just need talking points or political analysis. We’ll need each other: whole and ready.

If you’ve been running nonstop, like I have, let this be your permission to pause. Go home. Call your people. Make the meal. Hug the babies. Check on your strong friends. Speak truth. Refill your spirit.

Because freedom isn’t something they’ll hand us. It’s something we build—daily, deliberately, and together. And we are not alone.

If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear what “freedom at home” looks like for you. What are you preparing for—and who are you preparing with?

Soundtrack of My Life: “Optimistic” by Sounds of Blackness

The Truth We Owe Each Other

The Truth We Owe Each Other

I’ve walked into the Tracey Wyatt Recreation Center more times than I can count, but today hit different. We were there for Part 2 of We the People, our intergenerational civic engagement series, and the room felt alive with purpose. Juneteenth reminds us that freedom is not just won—it’s passed down. But in order to pass it down, we have to first be able to tell each other the truth.

Today, we told the truth about disinformation, distrust, and the divides that make it harder to move as one AND provided training on how we can help the people we care about move closer to the truth when they believe false narratives. We began something sacred: the work of repairing what’s been splintered, of listening across generations, of building a bridge wide enough to carry us all. Not just toward the ballot box—but toward each other.

Disinformation isn’t new, but its tools have evolved. Today’s lies come wrapped in algorithms, delivered through funny memes and passionate hot takes, and sent straight to our loved ones’ phones. However, the impact is deeply familiar: confusion, mistrust, and division. What we know, though, is that we are more likely to believe people we care about. According to a 2024 survey by the Majority Institute, 75% of Georgians say they trust their family members and 60 percent say they trust their friends over all other messengers. That’s why this work matters.

Our We the People series is designed to help everyday people communicate more effectively with the folks around them. What we did today wasn’t just teach digital literacy—it was soul work. We helped each other name the harm, then offered tools to heal it. We’re not here to shame people who have adopted harmful narratives–we want them to leverage the trust they already share to inch them closer to the truth. Combating disinformation is less about winning arguments and more about staying connected long enough to tell each other the truth with love.

Juneteenth has always been a reminder that truth delayed is freedom denied. The very origins of the holiday are rooted in disinformation—an intentional withholding of emancipation news for more than two years after it was law. Black people in Galveston kept laboring and surviving under the weight of a lie. While the context has changed, the tactic has not. Today, our communities are still battling distorted truths—about our power, our history, and our future.

Disinformation isn’t just a political weapon—it’s a spiritual one. It clouds our discernment and limits our ability to imagine what’s possible. It isolates us from each other by breeding mistrust, and it dims the collective light we need to organize, vote, and build. That’s why this work—naming the lie, speaking the truth, and doing it in love—is so sacred. It’s not about “fact-checking” in the narrow sense. It’s about continuing the fight for freedom.

I left today feeling so fulfilled because even in the heaviness of thinking about how to “confront” people we love with hard truths—joy showed up. The event took place alongside a festival, where there was music and food and games. Before the event, I spent time hugging necks and chatting with people I value but don’t see often. People who have known Frederick since he was an infant got to gush over how big he’s gotten. After the event started, there was room for laughter and creativity. It reminded me that joy is also the truth—a truth we’ve always carried.

In a world that seeks opportunities to amplify Black trauma, joy becomes data. Joy signals to us what’s sacred. It tells us what we’re fighting for. It’s not just resistance—it’s record-keeping. When we allow ourselves to feel it together, even while we wrestle with the harms of disinformation, we’re creating proof that freedom isn’t theoretical. It’s already among us because we are a resilient and communal people. We are still here. We are still joyful. We are still building.

That joy makes room for the harder conversations, too—even about generational divides in how we vote, how we trust, how we make meaning of the world. One reason this series is so important is because misunderstandings between generations isn’t just inconvenient—it’s weakening our power.

Older Black voters often carry the weight of history like armor. Younger Black voters often question systems with a fire that comes from disillusionment. Both perspectives hold truth, but that truth won’t carry us far unless we’re willing to speak it to each other.

Truth is not just fact—it’s felt. It’s shaped by what we’ve lived and what we’ve lost. The only way to pass it on is by creating space for it to be spoken with love and with openness to collaboration, not just shouted with frustration and hopelessness.

Freedom, like truth, is a process. Like Juneteenth itself, it often comes later than it should. But we can’t stop reaching for it. We keep telling the truth. We keep practicing joy. We keep trusting that the bridge is worth building.

This work isn’t about convincing everyone to agree—it’s about making sure no one gets left behind because they didn’t hear the truth in a voice that sounded like love.

We’re not just fighting lies—we’re fighting to stay open-hearted and whole in the face of them.

The truth will indeed set us free, but first, it will demand that we trust each other enough to tell it. We owe each other that truth. It starts in rooms like the one we sat in today. It grows in conversations we’re willing to keep having. It deepens in the quiet moments where we choose not to give up on each other.

I think often about what I’m passing on to Frederick—not just in legacy, but in practice. What stories am I telling him with my actions? What kind of truth am I preparing him to hold? What kind of joy do I want him to believe he’s worthy of?

This Juneteenth, I’m holding fast to the truth we owe each other. That truth is the path to a freedom that lasts.

Soundtrack of My Life: Liberation by Earth, Wind, and Fire


A New Chapter: Celebrating Frederick Becoming a Teen and My (Hopeful) Return to Writing

A New Chapter: Celebrating Frederick Becoming a Teen and My (Hopeful) Return to Writing

It’s been a minute—more than a minute, actually—since I last wrote here. If you know me, though, you know that the story hasn’t stopped, and neither have I. Today feels like the perfect moment to return to my blog, especially as I reflect on a milestone that’s close to my heart: my son Frederick is 13 today!

A lot has shifted since I last wrote in my blog. The past year has been filled with growth, major transitions, and new beginnings—personally and professionally. Through it all, the anchor has always been my commitment to being the best mom I can be to my kiddo. Watching him grow into a young man has been one of the most fulfilling (and most challenging!) experiences of my life. The tween/pre-teens was a lot, but what has kept me hopeful is the fact that so many people, including teachers and folks at church, tell me how mannerable and bright and thoughtful he is. So it seems I’m the only one he’s trying his antics with. My friends (and therapist!) remind me that he tries it with me because he knows I love him unconditionally, which I appreciate–but boy, can it be really frustrating and draining. Then, there are moments and milestones where I get to really see his growth, my teachings, or my family’s values in real time, and it’s a supercharge every single time.

It has been such an amazing journey despite the moments of heartburn. From the miracle of even carrying and giving birth to a human being, to witnessing his personality emerge very early on, to watching him go from under 9 pounds to almost bigger than I am (and soon, taller too!!), observing his curiosity and amazement as he learns, and so much more is simply astounding. Being a parent is one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.

Going forward, I’ll be sharing more personal reflections—especially about my experiences as a mother and how I’m navigating it all. I’ll likely also share professional insights, maybe even some research, and community building ideas that fuel me. In the last couple of weeks, I’ve been told countless times that I have so much more to share with the world, so as I figure out what that means for how I show up in the world, I’ll try to start here on this blog. There are so many stories to tell, lessons to share, and reflections that need a space. It’s also time to share more about the new balance I’m working toward, integrating my career and motherhood with intention.

So whether you’ve been here from the start and got an alert out of the blue that I posted or are just now finding this space, welcome. Again. I’m excited to share this new season with you, and as Frederick enters his teenage years, I’ll continue embracing the growth, the joy, and yes, the challenges that come with it. Let’s keep building together.

Soundtrack of My Life (bringing this back!!): If I Could by Regina Belle

I love when I make myself cry, lol.

I love when I make myself cry, lol.

This morning I got an email with the subject teaser “I love you.” Hmm. What’s this? It was a letter from the July 2013 me. I wasn’t going to share it, but why not? It’s my 2nd mommyversary today, and I am super blessed to be able to celebrate the milestones my baby has made over the last two years AND the milestones I’ve achieved myself as the sole caretaker of a bustling, precocious, charming boy. I’m so proud of him, and I’m even prouder to be his mom. He’s an amazing soul, and though this journey hasn’t been easy, it has been beyond worth it. I look forward to being Frederick’s safe place throughout his adventures. Watching him evolve is an almost unbelievable experience. I can barely even believe that at one time he was a butterbean in my body. Now he’s over half my height! If Frederick has taught me nothing else, it’s that life keeps moving through it all. He’s a daily reminder that life is mysterious and beautiful and hope-filled and worth living to the fullest. Happy 2nd birthday to my sweet thang!

Image

 June 6, 2014 vs. June 6, 2013

Anyway, here’s the letter from past me to present me.

Dear FutureMe,

Congrats on your second anniversary of pushing an almost 9 pound human out of your body! Frederick is 2, and you have even more to be grateful for than ever before. I hope that as you’re reading this you are saying to yourself, hey old me, I can barely remember the heartache from that time. I hope that by now, you have fully reclaimed your confidence and your passion and your “I can do it” attitude and have been slanging it around for all the masses to see and feel. You MADE it through the roughest time of your life so far, but just like the other rough patches you’ve been through, you are better for it after it was all said and done. Can you believe you actually thought you were less of a woman because of situations out of your control?? But I am confident that today, you know and OWN the fact that you are MORE than a woman. You are a WARRIOR and an extremely loyal, dedicated, and gifted person. Do you realize that in the worst of times, you conquered your depression, your hurt, and your bad outlook on your own life to do whatever was necessary to give Frederick everything he needed and more?? That’s powerful, young lady. Even when you didn’t want to take care of yourself, you did it anyway so that Frederick could have a strong foundation and a solid connection to his mother. Even when you despised his father, you swallowed all your hurt, anger, and sadness to try to have a cordial relationship with him for the sake of Frederick. That’s not WEAK, honey, that is STRONG. Can you believe that your sweet thing was once an arm baby, then he started teetering everywhere like he would tip over at any moment. OMG I can’t wait to see what he is like at 2!!

I hope this letter finds you in a brand new, loving, positive, promising place in your life, where you wake up with happy thoughts and new ideas and a fresh outlook on the day ahead of you. Continue to leave the past in the past, and know in your heart that your future is #winning. And live today like the star you are.

I love you for all you are today, all you have been throughout your life, and the wonderfulness you will be in your future.

Love,

Your Past Self on July 3, 2013

Finding My Way Again

Finding My Way Again

Man, I’ve neglected my blog. But I guess that’s a reasonable trade off since I’ve been focusing on not neglecting myself. This year, I’ve really had to do a lot of figuring out how to trust my instincts, how to be confident again, how not to care so much about the street committee, how to see myself as more than a single mother, how to be more patient with myself, and how to accept help. I still struggle with a lot: speaking up for myself or not dwelling on things after I’ve decided to not say anything, asking for help, figuring out what relationships I want to invest in and/or repair, moving back to a place where I dream big and take steps towards those dreams, understanding what friendship means, and lots more. Then, of course, I’m still doing what I can to prove my worth at work and I’m still always trying to be current in what’s going on in the world and doing what I can in my community. Hopefully, in 2014, I can start back blogging and really sharing my thoughts on a regular basis. Maybe in the few weeks left, I’ll get back to the place where I’m comfortable sharing and not so worried about what people think about me. Until then, here’s a little poem I came across this morning.

After a While

After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t always mean security.

And you begin to learn
That kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child

And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers

And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn.

-Veronica A. Shoffstall

Softball and Switchblades

Softball and Switchblades

I’ve had to say goodbye to a hefty number of family members in my life, but bidding farewell to my auntie (pronounced aint-tee) Rita Kaye Robinson Purvis has been almost surreal to me. I can’t really believe she’s gone. If I ever believed anyone was invincible, it was her. I still haven’t really fully accepted that she didn’t tase the heck out of cancer. She stood 4’11”, but she was one of the feistiest people I’ve ever known. She was fun to be around, but she didn’t take no mess either. She was the only girl smack dab in the middle of a bunch of boys (like me! I’m the only girl and middle child too 🙂 #youcare), and she was tough yet nurturing. She was one of those people you definitely wanted on your team. She was fiercely protective of anyone she loved.

I love these pics. Her smile tells you most of what you need to know about her.
I love these pics. Her smile tells you most of what you need to know about her.

As I was reading her obituary, I realized that even though I’ve always known she was a single mother, I never labeled her that. One line in her obituary caught my attention more than anything else: “She was proud to be a single mom to her four children.” I began to wonder why I’m so ashamed of my status when I’ve admired her all of my life. I still don’t have an answer. It never even crossed my mind that it was anything but natural for her to be my cousins’ solo parent and protector. As a matter of fact, as I’ve been navigating my way through this single motherhood thing, I didn’t even think about Rita as a role model of single motherhood. Isn’t that crazy? She’s definitely been a role model for motherhood–as are my mom, my cousins, and others. But when I think of single mothers, she just didn’t come to mind even though she’s never not been in my life–so how could I overlook that? Of course I was a child so I wasn’t privy to some things, but she never seemed upset about her “plight” or resentful or any of that. It’s kind of been a lightbulb never-ending moment since I read that line. I’ve been thinking about this almost nonstop. I think the biggest way I can honor my aunt now is to figure out how to start being completely proud of my journey as a mother. And maybe, as well, to be willing to share with my village, which includes her children, when I’m feeling overwhelmed the way she and my mom shared with each other. It’s really hard for me to show my hand and let people know when I’m feeling really down, but I know I need to start, as they reminded me this weekend. (I’m listening Shun and Chelle, I promise!)

When I think of Rita, I will always remember her coming down from the scorekeeper’s box to give me a hug when I arrived at the softball field to watch a game. As I noted in my blog post about my granddaddy, baseball and softball are a family tradition, and of course, she played, and when she stopped playing you could still find her at a game. Keeping score, socializing, making everyone around her feel special, and talking much smack.

Still at the ballpark
Still at the ballpark

And yes, that second part of this blog title is how I will remember her as well. My aunt never left home without a boxcutter, switchblade, taser, SOMEthing. She gave me my first taser after I started living by myself. And when my neighbor was effing with me, I’m sure Rita wished she were in Atlanta to stick up for me. I hope I made her proud when I decided to start walking my dog with my softball bat in my hand. That definitely solved my problem! I didn’t hear another threat once I showed I wasn’t taking any mess off of him! I can thank Rita Kaye for her feistiness when it came to protecting myself. She would say “I don’t care how much bigger they are, how much stronger they are, I got something for em.” And she always had a way of making you feel so much better and more optimistic about a situation after she finished with her pep talk and but-I’m serious-though jokes.

I will absolutely miss my aunt. I’m happy she’s no longer in pain. I know her mom and children and grandchildren and brothers and nieces and nephews will carry her in our hearts forever more. Rest in love and power and happiness, my firecracker aunt.

Where do they go to?

Where do they go to?

Where do they go to, the people who leave?
Are they around us, in the cool evening breeze?
Do they still hear us, and watch us each day?
I’d like you to think of them with us that way.

Where do they go to, when no longer here?
I think that they stay with us, calming our fear
Loving us always, holding our hands
Walking beside us, on grass or on sand.

Where do they go to, well it’s my belief
They watch us and help us to cope with our grief
They comfort and stay with us, through each of our days
Guiding us always through life’s mortal maze.

KevF – 21st August 2007