Usually in December (and intermittently throughout the year), I reflect on what’s occurred in my life and how I handled it all, and I try to reconcile that with what God would have had me do and what lessons I should be learning.
Well, the big thing I learned this year was about my focus. It’s easy to focus on the positive when positivity abounds. But it’s not so easy when bullshit and hurt and selfishness and overall negativity surround me. BUT it’s not impossible. When trouble comes around, the first thing on my to-do list is try to name 5 things I’m happy about. Sometimes I have to drill all the way down to the things we take for granted. You know, like having breath. Or functioning limbs. Or a roof over my head. Parents who love me. And this is an ongoing lesson–I’m still getting over many things that occurred over the course of 2009, but it’s all about perspective. Yes, I’m affected, but I have to let the positivity affect me and battle that negativity.
Another thing I’ve had quite a difficult time learning, and I didn’t know I had to relearn it until I had to deal with conflicts, was that I don’t do what I do for people. I do what I do because it’s in my spirit and my make-up. God made me a person who spends her days striving to use my talents to help other folks. This year, I was in a position on more than one occasion of serving a great number of people, some of whom were very inconsiderate, very rude, very contentious, and very negative. And I had to battle with myself consistently on staying in that position. If I could have quit, I would have. In a heartbeat. The problem with me, though, is that I’m not a quitter. Once I’ve committed to something, I follow through with it, even when I’m miserable. But why was I miserable? Because I let a small group, maybe 10% of the people I serve, who were loud and silly, matter. I let them drive me up the mickeyfickey wall, just because they were louder than the other people who either don’t bother me at all or who really are supportive. Perspective.
So since my Road to 29 commenced, I’ve tried to be intentional about my positivity and what I spend my time thinking about. It’s still hard, of course, but not as hard as it was when I didn’t realize that I was getting duped by the devil’s antics. So I’m ignoring the negativity–not giving them the benefit of acknowledgement. And lemme tell you–when you channel positivity and don’t allow yourself to feed into the world’s negativity, you touch people. You never know what people are going through or what they’re searching for. I got an email this morning. Someone who’s been having a rough time of it lately reached out to me just because I was positive in an email and the positivity reached out and grabbed her. She didn’t see me. She saw the God I’ve been latching on to, trying to keep myself out of the dumps I find myself in when I rely on myself and my own emotions.
So my projections–in 2010, the year that signifies perfection and divine completion, I will focus on the miracle. I will strive to let the positivity outweigh the negativity, even when I’m being mistreated or when life throws me blows. I will expect the unexpected because God is awesome and He knows what He has for me. I will try my best to remember that someone I may not even realize is watching me may need to see the God in me, so I need to let him shine through.
Now, it’s time for another installment of Road to 29–pampering myself. 🙂 But I’ll leave you with my theme song for Road to 29/2010.
But the impossible is God’s chance to work a miracle, a miracle… So just know it ain’t over until God says it’s over. It ain’t over until God says it’s done. Keep fighting until your victory is won.