I had to love myself enough to say “no” to the good and leave room for the “great”.
When folks tell you you’re too “picky” or when you’re considering staying in some janky situation in which you’re not happy or fulfilled, think of this quote! By the way, I got it from this article (Choosing a Better Kind of Love) .
I’m also co-signing this blog post (Stop It with the Ugly Girl Problems (Unless You’re an Ugly Girl)). Don’t settle for less!
Be blessed, folks!
So I was just reminiscing on one of the many memorable dates I’ve had, and I wanted to share. It made me chuckle, so maybe this will lighten up your Tuesday load.
A few (5-6) years ago, I met a guy. Cute, tall, appeared pretty cultured. I think we may have met at a concert or something. So we met for dinner, and the first date started off well. I knew he had googled me (which didn’t surprise or alarm me) because he asked about my blog at that time, which was a lot more written in and personal than this one is. I told tons of stories, posted and kept up to date a list of “A Hun’ed Things about Me,” and just shared my feelings on a wide array of topics on a regular basis. Now picture this exchange:
<insert light-hearted conversation and laughing here>
Me: “Yeah! I love those movies!”
Him: <pulling 3 folded up sheets of paper out of his pocket and unfolding them and shuffling through them> “Yeah, I knew that! That’s #77!”
Me:
*blank stare*
I really couldn’t believe he had printed out and studied my list of 100 things about me. I mean, really? I know dates can be like interviews, and you should try to be prepared, but geez louise. That creeped me out, especially since my mom had been warning that I was making myself vulnerable to crazy people. Yes, I totally published the list, but I never fathomed all of its possible uses.
It was similar to the scene featured in the opening of this The Ugly Truth trailer. Except I shut down much more quickly.
Whether he was crazy or not or had issues or if I was just overreacting, I’ll never know. We didn’t go on a second date. But some things just have to come naturally, yanno? *shrug* What do you think? Was he just prepared and I was overreacting? Or was he doing the absolute most?
I read this commentary this morning, and it really hit home.
That said, what happens after you meet and then are forced to end it with someone whose smile makes you warm inside, who you don’t mind using the bathroom in front of, whose dreams become yours?
At first, I was thinking yada yada yada, here we go again with the plight of the black educated woman. Until I read the above quote–then my brain woke up to see the author was talking about something I’m way more interested in–perspective on love.
I’ve been in love. In fact, I think I’m in love with being in love. I love how I feel when I get a new crush, and I especially love how requited love feels and how having it affects me. But what’s funny is, I’m a really cynical person, and it takes me awhile to fall. But boy, when I do… lol! I look forward to that connection. What keeps me sane and hopeful, I think, is my openness to love and the possibilities. 
But it took me awhile to get to this place. My last love didn’t work out. 
And I had to learn that just because he was a great love, it’s not for me to decide that he was my greatEST love. That experience showed me that despite my cynicism, my wariness, my busyness, and my plight as an educated black woman (heehee), that I have a HUGE and dynamic capacity to love. And to love despite odds and obstacles. Before I came to that realization (that I’m not the maker and I have no idea what’s in store for my life), I hadn’t realized that I was one of these people:
Also, many people have already experienced love and have given it a face, scent and voice.
Love isn’t that cookie cutter! Just because love happened one way with someone doesn’t mean it’s gonna look or feel exactly like that every single time. Love, just as life, is unpredictable! You never know when you may turn the corner, trip, and be caught by a Prince Naveen. And he may not be what you were looking for, but be everything you were looking for, all wrapped into one package. And you’ll see it if you’re open to it. [NOTE – I am NOT saying to give every Joe Blow a chance. Please have standards, lol. I’m just saying sometimes we overlook people because of stuff that’s not even on our list of important stuff about a mate or because we’re being beyond cynical.] Like, Musiq said:
What would it take to be in a love I know that’s right for me?
And I know that you don’t even know me yet, but I believe that one day I’ll be where you are…
The point is, I, like the blogger, “believe the purpose of that relationship was to introduce me to love’s potential.” All I’m saying is… be open. Be open to life’s possibilities. Know that God thinks and is way bigger than you ever could or will be. The experiences we encounter in life are a part of His master plan. We should learn from them, grow from those lessons, and look forward to the situations in which we will be able to use those lessons. And don’t be scared of loving just because you can’t see the future. Even if it doesn’t work out one day, enjoy the positivity and the love lessons now!
Speaking of learning, those failed romances are lessons on loving. You learn about yourself, how you love, and how to love others. So here’s another Musiq song for ya. Head to the sky!
So, the new topic of the past quarter has been the plight of the unmarried black woman. Yep, I fall in that category, and I do have my own lil analysis of the topic (coming soon). But I think the stories of the unmarried black woman are the most interesting and funniest part of it. So here’s one.
I met a guy (we’re going to call him SlowBaby) last year, and after some months of speaking in passing, he asked for my number. We went out on a date and had a great time. Well, this ninja decided that instead of going out on a second date, he would just send me a morning text msg everyday and cross his fingers that he’d see me during my lunch hour. Sometimes he’d call me and try to stay on the phone all night. And he really thought that would keep my attention. Um… negative! Now, I told him a few times that I’d like to see him outside of my work day and that I was getting bored (which is NOT a good thing when dealing with me, the restless romantic). Still, SlowBaby thought those dern text messages would keep him in the game, saying that he was just going with the flow, that he was really into me, and that he just wanted the feelings to be natural… I told him that going with the flow still required movement.
Finally, the day came when after hanging out with his boys for the evening, he called me at 11:30 trying to roll through. Who did he think I am?? Sir, get outta here with that. Why would allow him to come over to my house at booty call hours after one date and a barrage of “Good morning” text messages? Ain’t that much swagger in two words. I ignored him, and when he saw me at lunch the next week, he mentioned that he knew I was awake and just ignoring him. GOOD! And he STILL didn’t set up a 2nd date. Then he tried to come over a couple of weeks after that at 1:00 am!!!! I won’t say what i said. But know that I’ve stopped getting those dangblasted “Good morning” texts.
I dedicate this song to SlowBaby. I hope someone inspires him to sing this one day:
Real Middle School Mom of Atlanta 