Love and Randomness

Love and Randomness

Love is in the air.  While it seems to be darting every which-a-way when it enters a 5 yard radius of me, it’s so great to see my friends swooning and being wooed. Black love exists!! (Despite the media alarms that it’s endangered–it still exists.) It’s something special to see your friends giddy and grinning.  What’s more uplifting than the aura of love infused in the atmosphere?  Positivity is contagious!  Let it infect you!

There’s nothing like the feeling of a new connection.  The stolen glances at the guy across the room whose good looks caught your eye. The charming smile sent your way to acknowledge that the interest is mutual.  The instant spark you feel as soon as he enters your energy field to introduce himself and find out who you are.  The natural flirting that neither of you can help.  It feels great when you go out on your first (and second and third) date and your heart flutters as he dotes on you and stares into you, learning you, allowing himself to be learned.  And it’s astounding when you could talk to him until daylight or when you can sit with him without a word spoken.

It’s really only supposed to work out once–which means it won’t work out who knows how many times before that.  Although I sometimes kick myself for being (maybe too) open and vulnerable, I wouldn’t trade those immensely charged feelings of being connected to someone, desire, anticipation, hope, inspiration, promise for the hope of never feeling disappointed, rejected, abandoned.  You won’t know if it’s meant to be unless you step out on faith and see.

Love is in the air.  Jump up and grab some.

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Story of the Chase

Story of the Chase

So I mentioned a couple of days ago that an ex of mine was chased through North Jackson.  A couple of people asked for that story.  What I didn’t mention was that I was in the car!  I went to my old blog and found this story and am just pasting it here.  I told it on 9/16/03.  It happened late 1998.  This incident occurred about a year before we dated–at the time, he was my best guy pal.  Here goes–enjoy.  All in “the life and times”–lol.

Per request of my readers, I have to write about the psycho ho I started talking about yesterday morning. Well, December of my freshman yr, my car was in the shop so my guy friend picked me up from work. We were planning to go by the hospital first to visit his cousin who has sickle-cell anemia, and then he would take me home. Well, we eventually got to the hospital but not after a whole lotta drama. While on the way to the hospital that girl, with whom he was no longer with or so he still says, saw us. I dunno if it was the fact that he had a girl in his car that made her snap and lose her senses or if she actually saw me.

Anyway, she started chasing us, so he tried to lose her by quickly getting in a turn lane and getting on the interstate. Well, like in a horror movie, that didn’t lose her. So he got off of the interstate with the rationale that he would go to his grandma’s house so that his grandma could deal with her craziness. Oh, I forgot to say that you should picture all this in heavy rain and hail. So we were stopped at a stop light and she proceeded to hit us with her car. That’s when I got scared. I was like it’s terrible weather out here and this “ho” is tryna kill us–we could have hydroplaned or something. While fear striked for me, anger struck for my friend. He kept driving to his grandma’s house. There is a stop sign before you get to his house. She sped up, got in front of us, and slammed on her brakes, trying to get him to hit her. He luckily had already been slowing down, so we didn’t hit her, but he was like, “Lock the doors,” and got out of the car. As soon as he got out, she got out and jumped on him. Well, he was brought up not to hit women in any circumstances, so he just put her in one of those football holds and carried her all the way to his house. By the way, he was also the star quarterback for his high school. Anyway, I was sitting in the car in disbelief as the rain and hail beat down on the car. Finally, he came back down the street and took me home.

Later, after everybody’s heartbeat was back to normal, we went on to the hospital, although I was kinda scared. He later told me that wasn’t the first time she went psycho, and I got pissed about that. We ended up not talking for awhile, why I can’t even remember, but I heard through some mutual friends that she had thrown a brick at his car at school a couple of months later… Forgive me for remembering so many details, but I just had never, haven’t since, (and hopefully won’t ever) experienced anything like that. No man is worth all that–tearing up my car, putting my life in immediate danger, setting myself up to be arrested for attempted vehicular homicide or something? Hell naw.

Update: No, I’ve not experienced anything else as crazy since.  Whew.  Hope you’re all having a mellow Monday.

I want it all!

I want it all!

From the time I thought that boys were no longer icky and were worthy of interest, endless thoughts, and daydreams, I’ve always had a “type”.  Of course, physical characteristics were always important–my mom always told me “you have to wake up to him in the morning” and “you need to think of your kids.” But if we took a look at all the guys I’ve ever crushed on or dated, I think one thing they mostly all had in common was that they were strong personalities dipped in lots of charm.  I don’t know what it is, but I’ve always liked that guy who loves (or at least is comfortable in) the spotlight, knows everybody there is to know, and spends his time mapping out and taking action toward his passions.  And many times I’ve blamed this insatiable desire for my dating woes.  The guys I actually liked back were the guys with girls chasing them down the block (no, really–one ex had a girl chase him down State St, 220, and Northside Drive in Jackson in a car, but that’s another story) and doing whatever they can to divert his attention; the guys whose dreams were so big that they didn’t know how or didn’t want to juggle, and I never knew if I’d ever be a sizable priority in their lives.

Yet, I have not been willing to (or maybe even able to) take this characteristic off my “list”.  There’s just something about a guy who has mastered his social skills and oozes a certain self-confidence and who is all about doing something major while he’s on earth that makes me fan myself. And I’m fine with that.  Why? Because I think as we get older, I’m more likely to find the sharp, charismatic guy who is that able to provide me with the balance that has been missing for so long (and yes this is an ambiguous statement–I need help with my own balance and he needs to have some level of balance on his own).  We’re all growing into ourselves, right? So once we know what we want, including our partner–don’t we do want we have to do to manage all things important?

So I said all that to introduce an interesting Twitter convo that made me say hmmm.

JHJeffers: RT @DGJ_1977: RT @RHYMEFEST: So ladies be careful what you ask for, because loving ambitious, charismatic & powerful men comes with a cost.

Me: Which is? RT @JHJeffers: RT @RHYMEFEST: So ladies be careful what u ask for bc loving ambitious, charismatic & powerful men comes w a cost.

JHJeffers: @NadaJo: Powerful men often have a strong desire to control and have egos that are out of this world

Me: A few r humble but I can c it RT @JHJeffers @NadaJo: Powerful men often have a strong desire to control&have egos that are out of this world

JHJeffers: @NadaJo ‎​Charismatic men are super flirtatious and sometimes cross the line

Me: I see RT @JHJeffers: @NadaJo ‎​Charismatic men are super flirtatious and sometimes cross the line

JHJeffers: @NadaJo Ambitious men spend long hours working, Sometimes @ the expense of marriage

Me: Mm hmm RT @JHJeffers: @NadaJo Ambitious men spend long hours working, Sometimes @ the expense of marriage

Me: @JHJeffers so basically we ladies who like pwrful, charismatic, ambitious men need to also pray that he has humility, self-ctrl, and balance

Me: #icandothat

JHJeffers: @NadaJo: Yeeeaaaahhhhh, but I would just shoot for 2 out of 3 #imjustsaying

HarlemFaith: (Well said) RT @NadaJo so we ladies who like pwrful, charismatic, ambitious men need to pray he has humility, self-ctrl, and balance

HarlemFaith: @NadaJo I don’t know if I agree with everything @jhjeffers is saying.. but it’s interesting.

Me (knowing this will turn into a blog post, maybe even a series cuz this is getting good! heehee): What do u think? RT @HarlemFaith: @NadaJo I don’t know if I agree with everything @jhjeffers is saying.. but it’s interesting.

HarlemFaith: @NadaJo @jhjeffers I don’t like the fact that the argument seemed so segmented and over generalized. Yes, those characteristics make ppl

HarlemFaith: @nadajo @jhjeffers successful but powerful men(and women) in lasting relationships know when to turn them on and off.

HarlemFaith: @nadajo @jhjeffers too much of anything is bad…. and there’s a time and place for everything.

HarlemFaith: @nadajo @jhjeffers… I want my man to be just as ambitious as I am.. (and he is) when we are together that energy is directed towards me.

HarlemFaith: For a while, me and many of my counterparts were told that our ambitious, agressive personalities were the reason we didn’t have a man

HarlemFaith: I disagree.. I think there is a time and place for anything. and the key to a successful relationship without losing who you are is figuring out how to channel that intense energy.. and use it for good. lol. Use those same skills to please your man.

HarlemFaith: I’m a big proponent of playing my “position”. I can be your woman (opinionated and all) but still allow you to be the man.

Me: YES! RT @HarlemFaith I’m a big proponent of playing my “position”. I can be ur woman (opinionated & all) but still allow you to be the man.

The convo is still going on.  But I’ll do a poll.  Can we (I) have it all?  Is it possible to have what we want plus the balance needed to make the relationship last and thrive?  Do we have to choose between the power, charisma, and ambition and the devotion and dedication?  Chime in!

Love Quote of the Day

Love Quote of the Day

I had to love myself enough to say “no” to the good and leave room for the “great”.

Hug yourself!

When folks tell you you’re too “picky” or when you’re considering staying in some janky situation in which you’re not happy or fulfilled, think of this quote! By the way, I got it from this article (Choosing a Better Kind of Love) .

I’m also co-signing this blog post (Stop It with the Ugly Girl Problems (Unless You’re an Ugly Girl)).  Don’t settle for less!

Be blessed, folks!

Stalker Tendencies?

Stalker Tendencies?

So I was just reminiscing on one of the many memorable dates I’ve had, and I wanted to share.  It made me chuckle, so maybe this will lighten up your Tuesday load.

A few (5-6) years ago, I met a guy.  Cute, tall, appeared pretty cultured.  I think we  may have met at a concert or something.  So we met for dinner, and the first date started off well.  I knew he had googled me (which didn’t surprise or alarm me) because he asked about my blog at that time, which was a lot more written in and personal than this one is.  I told tons of stories, posted and kept up to date a list of “A Hun’ed Things about Me,” and just shared my feelings on a wide array of topics on a regular basis.  Now picture this exchange:

<insert light-hearted conversation and laughing here>

Me: “Yeah!  I love those movies!”

Him: <pulling 3 folded up sheets of paper out of his pocket and unfolding them and shuffling through them> “Yeah, I knew that!  That’s #77!”

Me: straight face *blank stare* raised eyebrows

I really couldn’t believe he had printed out and studied my list of 100 things about me.  I mean, really?  I know dates can be like interviews, and you should try to be prepared, but geez louise.  That creeped me out, especially since my mom had been warning that I was making myself vulnerable to crazy people.  Yes, I totally published the list, but I never fathomed all of its possible uses.

It was similar to the scene featured in the opening of this The Ugly Truth trailer.  Except I shut down much more quickly.

Whether he was crazy or not or had issues or if I was just overreacting, I’ll never know.  We didn’t go on a second date.  But some things just have to come naturally, yanno?  *shrug*  What do you think?  Was he just prepared and I was overreacting?  Or was he doing the absolute most?

Peace + Hope = Love

Peace + Hope = Love

I read this commentary this morning, and it really hit home.

That said, what happens after you meet and then are forced to end it with someone whose smile makes you warm inside, who you don’t mind using the bathroom in front of, whose dreams become yours?

At first, I was thinking yada yada yada, here we go again with the plight of the black educated woman.  Until I read the above quote–then my brain woke up to see the author was talking about something I’m way more interested in–perspective on love.

I’ve been in love.  In fact, I think I’m in love with being in love.  I love how I feel when I get a new crush, and I especially love how requited love feels and how having it affects me.  But what’s funny is, I’m a really cynical person, and it takes me awhile to fall.  But boy, when I do… lol!  I look forward to that connection.  What keeps me sane and hopeful, I think, is my openness to love and the possibilities. blushing day dreaming

But it took me awhile to get to this place.  My last love didn’t work out. broken heart And I had to learn that just because he was a great love, it’s not for me to decide that he was my greatEST love.  That experience showed me that despite my cynicism, my wariness, my busyness, and my plight as an educated black woman (heehee), that I have a HUGE and dynamic capacity to love.  And to love despite odds and obstacles.  Before I came to that realization (that I’m not the maker and I have no idea what’s in store for my life), I hadn’t realized that I was one of these people:

Also, many people have already experienced love and have given it a face, scent and voice.

Love isn’t that cookie cutter!  Just because love happened one way with someone doesn’t mean it’s gonna look or feel exactly like that every single time.  Love, just as life, is unpredictable!  You never know when you may turn the corner, trip, and be caught by a Prince Naveen.  And he may not be what you were looking for, but be everything you were looking for, all wrapped into one package.  And you’ll see it if you’re open to it.  [NOTE – I am NOT saying to give every Joe Blow a chance.  Please have standards, lol.  I’m just saying sometimes we overlook people because of stuff that’s not even on our list of important stuff about a mate or because we’re being beyond cynical.]  Like, Musiq said:

What would it take to be in a love I know that’s right for me?
And I know that you don’t even know me yet, but I believe that one day I’ll be where you are…

The point is, I, like the blogger, “believe the purpose of that relationship was to introduce me to love’s potential.”  All I’m saying is… be open. Be open to life’s possibilities.  Know that God thinks and is way bigger than you ever could or will be.  The experiences we encounter in life are a part of His master plan.  We should learn from them, grow from those lessons, and look forward to the situations in which we will be able to use those lessons.  And don’t be scared of loving just because you can’t see the future.  Even if it doesn’t work out one day, enjoy the positivity and the love lessons now!

Speaking of learning, those failed romances are lessons on loving.  You learn about yourself, how you love, and how to love others.  So here’s another Musiq song for ya.  Head to the sky!

Chronicles of Singleness: SlowBaby, the Text Msg Bandit

Chronicles of Singleness: SlowBaby, the Text Msg Bandit

So, the new topic of the past quarter has been the plight of the unmarried black woman.  Yep, I fall in that category, and I do have my own lil analysis of the topic (coming soon).  But I think the stories of the unmarried black woman are the most interesting and funniest part of it.  So here’s one.

I met a guy (we’re going to call him SlowBaby) last year, and after some months of speaking in passing, he asked for my number.  We went out on a date and had a great time.  Well, this ninja decided that instead of going out on a second date, he would just send me a morning text msg everyday and cross his fingers that he’d see me during my lunch hour. Sometimes he’d call me and try to stay on the phone all night.  And he really thought that would keep my attention. Um… negative!  Now, I told him a few times that I’d like to see him outside of my work day and that I was getting bored (which is NOT a good thing when dealing with me, the restless romantic).  Still, SlowBaby thought those dern text messages would keep him in the game, saying that he was just going with the flow, that he was really into me, and that he just wanted the feelings to be natural… I told him that going with the flow still required movement.

Finally, the day came when after hanging out with his boys for the evening, he called me at 11:30 trying to roll through.  Who did he think I am?? Sir, get outta here with that.  Why would  allow him to come over to my house at booty call hours after one date and a barrage of “Good morning” text messages?  Ain’t that much swagger in two words.  I ignored him, and when he saw me at lunch the next week, he mentioned that he knew I was awake and just ignoring him.  GOOD!  And he STILL didn’t set up a 2nd date.  Then he tried to come over a couple of weeks after that at 1:00 am!!!!  I won’t say what i said.  But know that I’ve stopped getting those dangblasted “Good morning” texts.

I dedicate this song to SlowBaby.  I hope someone inspires him to sing this one day: