I started a ranting post about how depressed I have become, hoping it would help me like Kelly Rowland says her song Dirty Laundry helped her. And then my friend popped on my screen and reminded me without knowing that I never read the letter I wrote to myself in August 2012 set to deliver to me on my baby’s first birthday. (For anyone who wants to write a letter to your future self, visit futureme.org). I totally blessed myself. I take things one day at a time, but I’m glad I could reinforce what my mom tells me daily and remind myself of where I should force myself to focus my energy. Here it goes.
Dear Ranada,
One year ago, you joined the superwoman club and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy after hours of painful labor that you can no longer remember. You didn’t have support from his father despite the love you thought you shared with him–but guess what–you’ve made it an entire year. With the love and support from your mom, the rest of your family (even Clint!), your friends in Atlanta, and your friends all over the country, you and Frederick are doing well and that’s no surprise. You’re the bomb, and Frederick is going to be an amazing young man because he has you for his mom.
Keep up the good work. Enjoy life. Appreciate the blessings of motherhood. Don’t focus on what’s hard–keep your eyes on what’s great. Remember that mantra from 2010?PERSPECTIVE. Things are as they should be. You are loved. Your baby is loved.
The last couple of weeks, especially last week, have just been extremely rough, but I’ve found myself becoming more and more receptive to positive words. I may not always fully believe them, but I receive them and try to think of them and feel them. I opened an email this morning, and here’s the quote I found.
May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.
Thanks, Virgie, for sending that. I hope you readers find some inspiration/positivity/uplift in that. I’ll be back when I’m ready to share some things about last week. Stay tuned.
This song popped in my head while chatting with a friend today. It’s a song that’s actually a Stevie Wonder classic that I’ve always loved since the first time I heard it watching School Daze when I was a kid.
Butterflies begin from having been another
As a child is born from being in a mother’s womb
But how many times have you wished you were some other
Someone than who you are
Yet who’s to say that if all were uncovered
You will like what you see?
You can only be you as I can only be me
Flowers cannot bloom until it is their season
As we would not be here unless it was our destiny
But how many times have you wished to be in spaces
Time places than what you were
Yet who’s to say with unfamiliar faces
You could anymore be loving you that you’d see?
You can only be me as I can only be me
Now when I was a kid, I may have just liked it because the college queen was being crowned to it and the guy sitting on the steps was just crooning away. But now I like it because it’s something that I really strive to live by. So many of us spend so much time trying to go against the grain of whom we are instead of identifying then leveraging our talents and skills and personality traits to the fullest. We spend lots of time focused on what we (or actually, most ofthe time, others) perceive as flaws, instead of focusing on the essence of ourselves. God made us who we are on purpose. That’s not to say there aren’t things in life we don’t need to work on, but we need to just be. How do you even know what flaws you have if you really don’t know what makes you tick or understand what is really important to you and what’s not. Be who is naturally you. And let me be me.
I think there are several people out there that have issues with the fact that I. Am. Always. Me. I can’t even help it. It’s just not in my make up to even give a thought about being something I’m not. In fact, the couple of times that I’ve consciously tried, usually specifically just to make someone else feel at ease, it was a mega disaster. I know I’m quirky, I know I do based on what I feel, I know I say what’s on my mind, I know I can be hot or cold–which just so you know, is directly related to the fact that I’m either all in or pretty much completely unconcerned and I’m very passionate or nonchalant. I have dabbled in the gray, but it’s not often–usually it’s black and white. I’m okay with that. Why? Because I know it about myself, and I’ve learned (and am still learning) how to utilize the natural characteristics I have.
You know what’s really difficult for me? Dealing with people who won’t be themselves. It’s much much worse than dealing with people who are themselves and I just don’t agree with them or like particular attributes. But the genuine sincerity of just being commands my respect. We’re all different so we won’t always agree or even click, but at least we can have a real conversation. I’ve encountered this in dating because I’ve met a couple of guys who wanted me to direct them into being who I wanted them to be. Well, I can’t. I just want them to be themselves. If you being you + me being me = compatibility, then great! If not, that’s ok. It happens. But who wants to live a life of keeping up a mask to make someone else happy? Does that make you happy? If it does, well, … alrighty. But I know I wouldn’t be happy with someone imposing their ideas of whom I should be onto me, so I can’t do that to anyone else. Not on purpose anyway. Dig it?
I just really think that we really have to look within and appreciate our good qualities and recognize opportunities to drive your own life using those qualities as tools instead of always being worried to death about flaws that may or may not be flaws and letting them inhibit us from our dreams and goals.
Well that’s all I have for you today. 🙂 I’ll be back later. Until then, hopefully, I, while being me, will bump into you being you.
Today, I’m still in a sanging mood, and during an impromptu yet really solid conversation about knowing who we are and what we deserve, Sirobe reminded me of a very special song that I’m going to feature. So I’m dedicating this one to my favorite guy (I really am singing over here, lol), especially since the artist (well, a member of the group) is living his second chance.
You knew you had me
With your sensuous charm
Yet you looked so alarmed
As I walked on by
An awesome wonder
You had to know why
I did not respond
to carry on
Chorus:
Love me in a special way
What more can I say?
Love me now
(Repeat)
Love me now
Cuz I'm special
Not the average kind
Who'll accept any line
That sounds good
So reach into your chain of thought
Try to find something new
What worked so well for you before
For me just won't do
Chorus
Love me now...
(Instrumental)
So reach into your chain of thought
Try to find something new
What worked so well for you before
For me just won't do
Love me in a special way
What more can I say?
Love me now
Love me in a me in a special way
Just love me now
Nooowwww
And tell me what more can I say
Just love me nooowwww
And tell me what more can I say?
Just love me now
Love me in a--and tell me what more can I say?
Instead of a feature today, I just want to get some things off my chest. I have a half-written post about Nacirema Society, but y’all know how I am–I have to have some inner inspired motivation to write in this here blog. Even despite my little ploy to get myself to write twice a week no matter what.
What’s on my mind today? Family. Love. Responsibility.
I dream of a day when I’ll be able to just help my loved ones when they need it. Remember when my granddaddy died and I said that I needed to step up? Well, stepping up ain’t so easy. I mean, really, who thought it’d be hard? Well, I guess I should have known. For goodness sake, I live 400 miles away. I see my mom struggling to help everyone, and I feel bad because I can’t be there to help her help everyone. My other granddaddy has Alzheimer’s and it’s more than a notion caring for him and making sure he’s safe and as healthy as he can be. Sometimes he thinks it’s the 80s, sometimes he can be a little sneaky, sometimes he can be a little aggressive, but all the time he needs someone to make sure his best interest is being considered. My mom feeds him everyday and really doesn’t get much thanks. And of course, when I got home last week I kinda felt some kinda way about it and didn’t want to visit. But of course, my mom is who she is and made sure I walked next door, and I softened as soon as my granddaddy said “Besides your hair, you sure are looking pretty!” (I think it’s funny–he’ll always be himself no matter what.) I had to be thankful that he can still recognize me and is still happy when I come home to visit. I just wish I could help distribute some of that caretaker’s burden.
I also went to see my great aunts who I usually do not make time to see, and I have no excuse for it. My Aunt Geneva is doing GREAT for her age and my Aunt Sweet had to blink her eyes and give me her suspicious stare before giving me her award-winning smile, and I immediately felt bad that I hadn’t been inside either of their houses in way too long although I have to drive past them any time I go to or leave my mom’s house. Houses I used to walk to just to be around them when I was a kid. I used to love sitting in my Aunt Sweet’s kitchen and watching her bake. I credit her for my little baking talents now. Why does the absent thing happen? I know I’m not the only one who has gone too long without checking on my elderly loved ones. I think there are several reasons. It’s hard to watch your loved ones get older and less spunky, less mobile, weaker. It also gets easier to keep focusing on the distractions–I’m sure the first time I didn’t make time to stop by, I felt awful, but as the visits passed and I still didn’t make time, the bad feelings went away. It also gets overwhelming to hear about family drama that you can’t do anything about.
But here are some reasons we should make time for the foundations of our families.
They are so wise and full of information, knowledge, and inspiration. I feel rejuvenated after I spend time with my grandma. She loves to tell stories, and she gives advice that sometimes is masked in anecdotes. I guess, almost like Jesus and his parables, except as she’s giving me advice, she’s sharing our family history. I love to hear about her life experiences, how they are similar to or different than mine, and how she became who she is. You can’t beat an oral memoir. Besides that, I enjoy looking at her features and thinking about who looks like her, kinda like her, and imagining what I will look like as I get older.
We should appreciate people while they’re around to feel appreciated. My grandma and I share a special crocheting relationship. I appreciate her for teaching me how, and she appreciates me for wanting to learn from her and carry on her talent. And now that my granddaddy is gone, she needs to know that she’s not alone. Of course, her kids and grandkids can’t replace her baby, whom she was with for 60 years, but we can still try to fill that gap with love. I’m so grateful that my cousins spend time with her and do for her.
We kinda owe it to them. They may be a little feeble compared to the old days, but think about all they did before they went through a transformation of getting older. It has to be tough getting older, realizing that your hands don’t work the way they used to, seeing the wrinkles invade your space, having to take medicine more than ever before. But before that, they were ripping and running. Doing for us. Showing us the way. Working to provide a good life. They took care of us, so now we need to take care of them. Besides, we’ll miss them when they’re gone. I should know this especially. After all the family funerals I’ve been to, you would think I wouldn’t have to learn this lesson so often.
The elderly are not aliens from outer space. Some people get really uncomfortable around older people, and sometimes I wonder how uncomfortable that makes the older person. They’re still people, just a little older. They still need companionship and human care and concern like er’body else.
I could talk more about abuses that I’ve read in the paper and online. But y’all know how dirty people can be and how some people target the elderly. All I will say is, please don’t be one of those awful people who take advantage of people. If you haven’t visited an older member of your family in awhile, I encourage you to do so soon. Maybe at Christmas or something. And if you don’t have a “Great” or a “Grand” in your life, consider going by a nursing home or assisted living facility and meet one. They’re treasures, and we should treat them as such.
Wednesday, I visited the Afrika Book Café, located at 404 Mitchell Street in my hometown Jackson, MS. This much needed black-owned book store is in the Fondren area and has books, African inspired jewelry, African clothing, music, incense, and oils at great prices. I had the fortunate opportunity to talk at length with one of the store owners Dr. Sizewe Chapman, who is originally from Jackson and wants to see and help the city of Jackson grow and prosper. After discussing economic development in Jackson, he recommended I read Black Labor, White Wealth by Claud Anderson.
Another book, The Polished Hoe by Austin Clarke, caught my eye, so I purchased those two and look forward to reading them.
Now I wish I were flying back to Atlanta so I could get started!
After browsing through all Afrika Book Café has to offer, I sat on the porch with the store owners (a beautiful married couple!) and Skipp Coon and his wife (another beautiful married couple! Black love lives!). One of the things I miss most about home is the simplicity but profundity of sitting on a porch learning from each other and talking about the world and what we can do and are doing to make it better. Skipp, Sizewe, and I talked strategy, history, our reality, and dreams. Sizewe, a former African history professor at Jackson State University, really inspired me to keep reading and finding historical significance and lessons as I move forward in trying to affect positive change in the black community. Skipp, who is a rapper who speaks the truth (and someone whom you should support!), and I finished a conversation we had awhile back about colonies, and we shared stories about our experiences as blacks traveling in Europe.
Lemme tell you, my visit to Afrika Book Café is one of the highlights of my trip home. If you’re in or near Jackson, I encourage you to check this treasure out. It’s still a new business, so let’s make sure it stays open, serving our community by providing educational and mind-expanding resources and a space for community interaction. Go support this small business! And while you’re at it, support Skipp Coon!
Happy Monday, lovelies! I had a spectacular weekend, and I’m ready to rumble this week. Yesterday, I felt the urge to watch a friend’s church online, and just like the old days, the Word was just for me. The sermon was based on Exodus 13:17-18, and it was about how God wouldn’t lead the Israelites through the shortest path because they wouldn’t have been ready for war with the Palestinians and how God may take us a longer route, but long isn’t wrong. The sermon conjured up all types of thoughts not only about my life and the path I’m on but also about the black community (but I need to organize those). Anywho, this Our Daily Bread that I shared on 4/4/07 kinda extends my thought process about the sermon. About how my path is mine–I need to stay in my lane and work on what I’m meant to work on and what’s meant for me will be mine. If I swerve into other folks’ lanes, I may shortchange myself. Hope you have a productive week!
Whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. —John 14:13
Five-year-old Randy wanted a toy stagecoach for Christmas. While shopping with Mom, he found just the one he wanted. It was about 6″ long and had cool wheels and dark brown plastic horses pulling it. “Mommy, I want this one. Pleeeease!” he begged. As young children sometimes do, he threw a tantrum, insisting that he get that stagecoach for Christmas. Mom said, “We’ll see,” and took him home.
Randy was sure he’d get what he asked for. Christmas morning came, and he opened the package confidently. Sure enough, it was the stagecoach he had begged for. He was so pleased. But then his older brother said, “You really did a dumb thing to insist on gettingthat coach. Mom bought you a much bigger one, but when you begged for that little one, she exchanged it!” Suddenly the small stagecoach didn’t seem so appealing.
Sometimes we’re like that with God. We pray about a specific need and tell Him how He ought to answer. We beg and plead—and God may even give us exactly what we ask for. But He may have had something better in mind.
Phillips Brooks once said, “Pray the largest prayers. You cannot think a prayer so large that God, in answering it, will not wish you had made it larger.” — Anne Cetas
Do not presume to know what’s best
When you begin to pray;
But say to God, “Your will be done,”
Then trust His perfect way. —Sper
Tanjala P sent this to a group of friends on 6/7/07. I needed to read it, so maybe it’ll help one of you guys out there.
The problems you face will either defeat you or develop you–depending on how YOU respond to them. Unfortunately, most people fail to see how God wants to use problems for good in their lives. They react foolishly and resent their problems rather than pausing to consider what benefit they might bring. Here are five reasons God may have permitted the problems you have experienced in your life:
1. God permits problems to DIRECT you. Sometimes God must light a fire under you to get you moving. Problems often point us in a new direction and motivate us to change. Is God allowing this situation to get your attention?
“Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change our ways. ” Proverbs 20:30
2. God permits problems to INSPECT you. People are like tea bags … if you want to know what’s inside them, just drop them into hot water! Has God tested your faith by allowing a problem or two into your life? What do problems reveal about you?
“When you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience.” James 1:2-3
3. God uses problems to CORRECT you. Some lessons we learn only through pain and failure. It’s likely that as a child your parents told you not to touch a hot stove. But you probably learned by being burned. Sometimes we only learn the value of something… health, money, a relationship. ..by losing it.
“It was the best thing that could have happened to me, for it taught me to pay attention to your laws.” Psalms 119:71-72
4. God permits problems to PROTECT you. A problem can be a blessing in disguise if it prevents you from being harmed by something more serious. Last year a friend was fired for refusing to do something unethical that his boss had asked him to do. His unemployment was a problem-but it saved him from being convicted and sent to prison a year later when management’s actions were eventually discovered.
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good”… Genesis 50:20
5. God permits problems to PERFECT you. Problems, when responded to correctly, are character builders. God is far more interested in your character than your comfort. Your relationship to God and your character are the only two things you’re going to take with you into eternity.
“We can rejoice when we run into problems…they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady.” Romans 5:3-4
** Here’s the point: God is at work in your life-even when you do not recognize it or understand it. But it’s much easier and profitable when you cooperate with Him.
Having not such a good day, but this post from 6-7-07 jumped out at me as I was browsing. Still not really sure what it means to me on today, but it’s a pretty good post. Enjoy. Hope you’re having a better day than I am! Oh, and Happy Indigenous People’s (or Native Americans) Day.
“Abraham… obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.” Hebrews 11:8 NIV
God guides us by closing one door then opening another. Abraham didn’t know where he was going, but he knew he couldn’t stay where he was — and that’s enough to create movement in the right direction. Knowing you can’t stay where you are is often the starting point of God’s guidance. And it usually begins with an inward stirring and restlessness in your soul. Seasons have beginning and endings. When a season is over, you sense it’s time to move!
“They headed north [to]… Bithynia, but again the Spirit… said no. So instead they went on through Mysia province to the city of Troas. That night Paul had a vision. In his dream he saw a man over in Macedonia, Greece, pleading with him, ‘Come over here and help us.’ Well, that settled it. We would go to Macedonia, for we could only conclude that God was sending us to preach the Good News there” (Acts 16:7-10 TLB). Notice, when God kept Paul from going to Asia, Paul didn’t stay there praying and asking “why?” — he just kept moving. For Paul, trying something and it not working out was no big deal. He believed that his gift to God was his willing heart and his mobility, and that God’s gift to him was that He would always guide him to where he needed to be. What God prevents, denies, or keeps us away from is as much divine guidance as what He permits and opens up to us. Every door that didn’t open, every opportunity you didn’t get, every call that didn’t come, is as much God’s guidance as those that did. Think about it!
What He said to me: This whole devotional today was for me. I bolded and italicized the stuff that jumped out in a big way. My reading and praying today were confirmation for some of the things I’ve done in the past (including recent past) that some thought was kinda crazy, but I just felt I was supposed to move. I can only praise God for working with me–I might have issues in one area, but definitely not in all. I’ve always been ready and able to move in and out of situations that cultivate my future as far as career and business, etc., go. I have to thank Him for that strength because really, that’s what keeps me going when I’m severely struggling with my weak areas.
Which leads me to my weakest area–relationships. It also reinforced all that I’m having to re-learn about relationships. I have the tendency to try to make things work instead of letting them work. And of course instead of letting people go when their seasons are over, I have a hard time and I keep trying. Thinking there has to be something I can do to stop the end from coming (or from my castle being “destroyed” as the metaphor was yesterday). And I have to stop doing that. But I can say that the Lord is good to me because He takes people away from me–closes doors, stops calls, all that jazz–when He sees I’m not gonna. It creates an extra bit of pain, but at the end of the day I know it’s because I was keeping something that would distract me and hinder me from going where I’m supposed to go. I just have to learn how to deal with that pain. Or avoid the pain altogether by being obedient!!!! Which is my goal. I have got to learn how to apply the almost blind faith I have in Him in my business/career life to my personal/social life. Once I master that, oh goodness, watch out now!!
I had several things in mind to feature today, but this special day was on my heart, so here goes. 🙂
I want to explain why 10-10-10 is an important day to me. Y’all may think I’m crazy, but you wouldn’t be the first, lol.
If you didn’t know by now, I love numbers. I love what they represent, I love what you can do with them, I love that they are simple yet so complex. So what does 10 mean? Biblically, it means divine perfection or completion. But just numerically, it marks the end of a cycle–our decades and centuries are built on the number 10. While it’s the end, it’s also the beginning–the first 2-digit number.
So enough of the math geek stuff, lol. Let’s talk some Bible highlights. Of course you know there are ten commandments and that tithes are 10%. But did you know:
There are ten clauses in the Lord’s Prayer,
Abraham endured ten trials to prove his faith,
Israel was represented by ten virgins,
There are ten I AM’s in the Book of John,
There are ten parables about the Kingdom,
There were ten righteous people found in Sodom and Gomorrah,
There were ten plagues,
Fire came down from heaven ten times, and
It is after the tenth recorded Passover that Jesus is crucified, the perfect sacrifice to save us.
And that’s not even almost the extent of “ten” in the Bible. And I won’t even get into the fact that there are 3 10‘s involved. Three represents divine perfection as well. But I’m dedicating this one to 10. 🙂
After I realized I would not be getting married in a storybook tale right after graduate school (I never wanted to get married right after undergrad), I started hoping that I would get married on 10-10-10. Such a symbolic way to start a union, yanno. Clearly, that’s not happening Sunday, lol (oh yeah, and I don’t think it a coincidence that 10-10-10 landed on the Sabbath).
But y’all know me, I do plan to make myself feel special on the day. It’ll be a great time to start a new topic of personal study, and I will start back on my hot yoga regimen, which I’ve been neglecting lately. I also will go see this production, which will likely be a Feature one of these ole days.
But most of all, even though I may not be becoming one with anyone right now, that’s ok because I am celebrating the fact that I am living happily ever after anyway. I’m about to embark on the first volunteer trip I’ve ever organized myself, and there are so many other things I have my hands in. I can make myself feel special–and sometimes I forget that. I want to take the day to remind myself that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)–I’m perfectly imperfect, and everything will work together for good as long as I’m walking my purpose. Because that’s how God designed it. Just like He designed the number system and its involvement in all the symbolism and nature patterns and so much other stuff we don’t even always notice.
What, if anything, are you doing Sunday? 🙂 Happy Friday, lovelies!
Real Middle School Mom of Atlanta 