I found this post, written on 1/8/04. I took a little bit of it out cuz I have some present day things to say. 🙂
I thought this post was interesting because:
1-I was just thinking about how I haven’t been to Apache on a Wednesday in soooooooo long (way too long) and I ran into one of my old Apache buddies when I was leaving How Sweet the Sound, which was such a great concert, Saturday night.
2-This post talks a little about how much singing means to me. Saturday night, while at the gospel concert, I was thinking, if I would just take my little busy bee butt to choir rehearsal, it’s possible that I’d be on stage right now. Then on Sunday, I went to the studio and started laying down a track for a songwriter/producer friend of mine who is trying to sell a song and thought my voice was perfect for it even though it’s been years since he heard me sing. Singing is definitely a release, and I felt better when I left. I dunno why I don’t make singing more of a priority. I say this at least 4 times every year. 🙂
3-This little metaphor about boys and jeans that I wrote over 6 years ago made me smile so I want to share.
It’s a morose Monday for me because it was cold as ever this morning (48 degrees), and I’m having some other little issues. But maybe some noon time sunshine and an email or two will make me feel a little happier. Enjoy the post, and I hope you’re in for a mucho productive week!
Last night I had a wonderful time. We went to Apres Diem for dinner first then to Apache, which is one of my fave spots. Thank you to my home girl Mo for taking me there a year ago. Music is so good for the soul, I tell you. At first, I was getting agitated because there were no seats, and I was getting a little weary. Then one of the girls I was with debo’ed a table, and shortly after two more seats opened up, and I really enjoyed myself after that. I felt so glamorous too. Half the time I really don’t see anything in my closet to wear, but when I am trying to dress up, I think I do it right. I think I get that from my mama. [[words omitted]] So I’m sitting there, sipping on my White Zinfandel and enjoying the company three other black sistas, and I realize that I could get used to that. Just going out, chillin, getting wrapped up in the music. One day, I’m going to get over my chronic shyness and go up there and share a talent, share some emotions. But until then, I’ll be content feeling what other people are trying to relay and singing my heart out in the shower, in the car, and at church (while I’m in the congregation and everybody is singing).
[[words omitted]]
During dinner, my friend and I talked about alot of stuff, and one thing that she said that I am really thinking about now is that guys are like pairs of jeans. And this is both our thoughts together. We see some really cute ones, and we try them on, and they maybe fit in the waist, but not the hips. Or they fit up top but aren’t long enough. And sometimes we try on a pair that would look so good if only we could button them up or if only this, if only that, and we try and we try and we try to make them fit, but they just don’t. So we have to realize that and put them back on the rack. And maybe they were the perfect jeans, but you’re just not the right size at the time. Maybe you’ve gained weight and they would have fit before, or maybe you’re going to lose some later on, but right now, they just don’t fit. But we have to keep trying different pairs on, even if we’re disappointed about that one pair. Cuz if we don’t keep trying, we’ll never find those jeans that just fit. I wonder if I’ll ever find my pair of jeans. But I guess I do need to stop holding on to my favorite pair of jeans that split by the back pocket one day (this is for real), and get it made into a cute purse or something so that I can always cherish the memory, and go back to the mall and start trying on jeans again.
By the way, I still have those jeans. They actually made into my throw away pile FINALLY a couple of days ago. How hilarious is that! Now, in case you’re having a morose Monday like me, here are a couple of songs that always make me feel better.
I know, I know, you’re thinking, “She’s trippin! She hasn’t written aaaaaaall week.” Well, I know I am. I’m coming. Just waiting for the inspiration to hit me. You know the saying — “write because you have something to say, not because you want to say something.” But I feel an urge coming on, so hang tight. 🙂
Until then, here’s a very awesome quote. Happy Friday, all!
I believe in pink.I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner.I believe in kissing… kissing a lot.I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong.I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day.And I believe in miracles.
When I met Lorenda back in 2003 or 2004, her positivity was obvious and even contagious. She’s from my hometown of Jackson, Mississippi, a graduate of my alma mater, Tougaloo College, and a sorority sister from my initiation chapter, Gamma Omicron, the premiere undergraduate chapter of MS of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc.
I published this on 6/6/2007. Hope it speaks to someone today.
“All the things I had toiled for… I must leave… to the one who comes after me.” Ecclesiastes 2:18 NIV
Max Lucado writes: “A little boy is on the beach. He packs the sand with plastic shovels into a bright red bucket. Then he upends the bucket, and a sandcastle is created.
“A man is in the office. He shoves papers into stacks and delegates assignments. Numbers are juggled, contracts are signed, and a profit is made.
“Two builders–two castles. They see nothing and make something. And for both the tide will rise, and the end will come. Yet that’s where the similarities cease. For the boy sees the end while the man ignores it. Watch the boy as dusk approaches. As the waves near, the wise child begins to clap. There is no sorrow. No fear. No regret. He knew this would happen. He is not surprised. And when the great breaker finally crashes upon his castle and his masterpiece is sucked into the sea, he smiles, picks up his tools, takes his father’s hand and goes home. The grown-up, however, is not so wise. As the wave of years collapses on his castle, he is terrified. He hovers over the sandy monument he protected. He blocks the waves from the walls he has made. Salt-water soaked and shivering, he scowls at the incoming tide. ‘It’s my castle,’ he defies. The ocean need not resond. Both know to whom the sand belongs… and I don’t know much about sandcastles. But children do. Watch them and learn. Go ahead and build, but build with a child’s heart. When the sun sets and the tides take–applaud. Salute the process of life, then take your Father’s hand and go home.”
What He said to me:
1.It’s so funny how the Lord speaks to me sometimes. I would have thought he would use something like this to talk about my goals and career dreams, but for me, it was all about my dreams of having my own family one day. Crazy, huh? One thing I do when I’ve experienced pain is close myself off for long periods of time, scared to try again. But oh my, I can’t do that. I have to go ahead and build relationships with the people (men and women) the Lord puts in my path, and I have to be ready for tide. And if a tide comes, I need to appreciate all the good times and the lessons learned and let go and say bye. There’s always a war going on inside me as far as relationships go. I KNOW the Lord puts people in my path sometimes to teach me something in particular and sometimes I’m supposed to teach them something or get them through or lead them to some situation. But that doesn’t mean I like it that way. I’m such an extreme person, and I don’t know (it’s something I pray about) if that’s something I need to work on not being. When I think something–a relationship, a project, whatever–is worth it, I throw myself into it. I guess that could be a good thing if I just learned how to manage saying bye at the end.
So just like with the message last night–I need to help people achieve their dreams as I’m on the road to achieving mine. And I need to stay connected to God so that I will be able to get ready for tides. Especially with my hardheaded butt. I think half the reason I experience pain like I do is that I get so head- or heart-strong and I won’t let go when it’s time so the Lord has to eject them. But the Lord knows my dreams, especially that one, and he’ll give me what I want and need in his time, which is the perfect time.
<<::update::7/28/2010::>> So when I read the allegory this time, 3 years later, I did think about my career and where I’m headed. I wonder about the revolution that I start in my dreams–will I ever fulfill all my dreams? Will I actually make a substantial impact on the black community? Lucky me, I know I will trust my instinct when I’m led to make my next moves. I still wonder if as I get older, will I ever be like the man, holding on to something that’s out of my reach and out of my control. And of course, I read my response from 2007, and funny how we grow over time. I still don’t give any ole Joe Blow a chance, but I step out there and try, even knowing that if it doesn’t work out my poor lil feelings may be pummeled. Right now, I’m in limbo, and not really trying but I’m not not trying either. I’m just being. And I’m cool with that. 🙂
2. I was led to share this with a bunch of people. Some I talk to regularly, some I never talk to, some I don’t want to talk to, some I probably need to talk to in order to resolve something even if I don’t know what the something is, some that an issue has recently been “resolved” but I haven’t necessarily strived to rebuild, and some who I guess maybe just needed to read this? I dunno. But as each person popped in my head, I entered their address. Who knows what kinda responses I get? I’ll definitely have to stay prayed up before I respond to anything that I get. Heck, I may not get anything. 🙂 And that would be cool too!
<<::update::7/28/2010::>> I guess this still applies because when I read this post, my first thought was to share!
And just because the name has “Sandcastle” in it and because I like this song, I’m including a lil music!
Although sometimes I’m all over the place so it may not seem like it, I love order. So before I can really get going on the events of this past weekend, I must revisit Raisin’ Cane.
Like I said before, the production was phenomenal. Here are some quotes and works that pierced me. I think today, I’ll highlight the womenfolk.
I WANT to die while you love me,
While yet you hold me fair,
While laughter lies upon my lips
And lights are in my hair.
I want to die while you love me,
And bear to that still bed,
Your kisses turbulent, unspent
To warm me when I’m dead.
I want to die while you love me
Oh, who would care to live
Till love has nothing more to ask
And nothing more to give!
I want to die while you love me
And never, never see
The glory of this perfect day
Grow dim or cease to be.
Isn’t that beautiful? I’m usually not even a poetry kinda girl, but that poem captured my ears during the performance.
Who’s ever heard of Pig Foot Mary? Well, I hadn’t either, but now I’ve read about her, and she’s someone to look up to. Hailing from the Mississippi Delta, Lillian Dean Harris moved to New York City and went from peddling boiled pigs’ feet out of a torn up baby carriage (yes, I’m from MS, but no, I do not and never have eaten pigs’ feet–they look mucho gross, but yay for Lillian!) to being able to retire with hundreds of thousands of dollars in Cali. After cultivating her business of providing Southern food to the many transplants in Harlem (and anyone else who wanted some), she invested her money in real estate. Now how’s that for girl power?
Panel 1 of Migration of the Negro by Jacob Lawrence
Finally, before I go, I’ll share a Zora Neale Hurston quote that makes me chuckle (and reminds me of something I might say jokingly but not really):
Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me.
By the way, if you haven’t voted today, what are you waiting for? Tootles, my dears.
This is what weekends are made of. I’ve been on a cultural excursion all weekend! I’ll be back later to talk about them all, but here’s a taste.
It’s National Black Arts Festival week, and I took part of some awesome offerings. Friday, I attended the screening of Soundtrack of a Revolution, which is a documentary that highlights how music played such an important role in the Civil Rights Movement. Here’s a trailer.
After that, I rushed over to the Symphony Hall to see the To Curtis with Love tribute concert for Curtis Mayfield. My favorite Curtis Mayfield song, “Makings of You” was performed by Dionne Farris. My favorite undergroundish artists, Joi and Van Hunt, were there, along with Frank McComb, the Impressions, and Eddie Levert. It was a great time.
Yesterday, I went to see The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, which I really enjoyed. Then I went back to the Rialto to view 41st and Central: The Untold Story of the L.A. Black Panthers. Man, it was really a wonderful, captivating documentary. I have always admired certain aspects of the Black Panther Party for Self-Defense, and I’ve looked up to some of its leaders, but I never even knew about Bunchy Carter, who was a really impressive man. The documentary took us from the beginnings of the Southern Cali chapter of the Black Panthers to the disbanding of it. Here’s the trailer.
After the documentary, I was able to listen to a panel discussion featuring Chuck D, Kathleen Cleaver, Wayne Pharr, the producers of the documentary, and a couple of US organization representatives. My favorite quotes of the night were from Chuck D:
“If you don’t identify your enemy, how the hell are you gonna fight?”
“Racism comes out every year like a new model car. We have to recognize it and know how to respond.”
So much more to read, research, and consider. I’m so happy I was able to participate in this event. My favorite quote in the documentary was
“If you want to be a revolutionary, you have to study revolution.”
Today (and on Thursday as well), I am volunteering for I Dream, a musical production about the life and works of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
As the weekend comes to a close, I appreciate all the mind-expanding, thought-provoking activities I have access to. Didn’t I just say the other day how awesome my life is? Happy Sunday, people.
I posted this in my old blog on 6/11/2007. I gave a speech (or a sermon as the pastor wanted to call it) on 6/10/2007 at Light of Life Church in College Park, GA for their Youth Day. I just felt like sharing today. Hopefully, it inspires someone.
I started by telling a story of a little girl with huge dreams to be successful in school and go on to become some sort of leader—maybe a judge, maybe a scientist, but definitely someone who would make a difference in the world. The little girl experienced extreme hate from her 5th grade math teacher, who berated her daily and told her she’d never be anything and that she was dumb and not as smart as people thought she was. Her ma gave her some wonderful advice that she can’t let negative people have a negative effect on her life, and eventually the little girl got her grades back up and started turning the teacher’s discouragement into encouragement and made the decision to prove the teacher wrong. The little girl ended up graduating from high school at 16, earning two bachelors degrees in math by the time she was 20, and has a Masters degree <now 2 Masters degrees>. And now she’s giving speeches. Imagine that. I told them, of course I’ve gone through many trials and tribulations since then, but that particular experience was an early lesson in how to handle people’s negativity and just the world in general.
I encouraged the audience (congregation) to pursue the dreams God gives us, no matter how big or impossible or crazy they may seem. I told them a story I heard Joel Osteen give once–there was a man who went fishing, and he saw another man fishing and noticed that every time he caught a small fish he kept it, but each time he caught a big fish, he would throw it back. Finally after watching this for awhile, the man decided to ask him what’s going on. The guy told him that he only had a 10″ frying pan. We have got to throw away our small frying pan and invest in some larger ones. We can’t limit God, so we shouldn’t limit what he puts in our spirits to do.
The underlying tool we need to pursue our dreams is faith–we have to trust God and the Holy Spirit and have faith that ALL things are possible. Sometimes the trouble is that the idea just seems odd. When God told Noah to build the ark, they had never seen rain ever before. They had no clue what it would be like for water to fall from the sky, let alone water coming so much that it would flood. I’m sure Noah was like what the heck? You want me to do what? Build a huge boat in the middle of the desert?! BUT he had faith and he did what he was told, and it came in handy, eh? You can’t let the size of your dream intimidate you.
Sometimes we’re worried about what other folks say. I can only imagine how much Noah was made fun of. But those people ended up drowning. You can’t let people stop you from making the mark God intends for you to make on the world. You have to stay true to God and yourself. Don’t change your dreams for your critics!
Sometimes the trouble is low self-esteem. We underestimate ourselves. God told Moses to go tell Pharoah to let his people go. Moses said what the heck? I can’t do that! I stutter! And to that, God replied, who made your tongue?! God doesn’t make mistakes. He put you in the life you’re in for a reason. And he equipped you with everything you’ll ever need to conquer all your storms.
Then I shared 6 pieces of advice.
1. Make it a habit to talk to God when you get up in the morning and before you go to bed at night. Read your Bible, for it will equip you. You can’t receive your dreams and assignments from God if you’re not in touch with him. Pray for guidance and help in being in the right place at the right time to meet the right people.
2. Plan ahead! Proverbs 14:16 says “The wise are cautious and avoid danger; fools plunge ahead with reckless confidence.” When I’m going somewhere, I don’t just hop in my car and start driving, I have to look at a map or get directions. Same in life–we have to know how to get to where we’re going. Once you make the choice to pursue the dreams God has given you, you have to do your research. Find out what is needed to go to the college you want to go to; find out what you need to get that internship; ask someone what you need to start a business; find out what you have to do to become a minister; find out who you need to know to work on a political campaign. Get an idea of where you’re going before you start walking.
3. Don’t believe everything you see! Proverbs 13:7 says “Some who are poor pretend to be rich; others who are rich pretend to be poor.” Don’t pursue other people’s dreams because of what you think they have. Pursue what God has especially for you. You don’t know what people really have or what they had to do to get it. Some people who drive fancy cars and live in big houses may not have it made like you think. For all you know they’re on the verge of losing it. And don’t judge the poor looking man on the corner trying to tell people about God or handing out flyers for his new business. The rappers and folks on TV look like they have it all, but you don’t know what goes on when the cameras stop rolling. Don’t believe everything you see, but do believe what God has said to you.
4. Know that everything does not come easy. You HAVE to work for it! Three verses here:
Proverbs 13:4 “Lazy people want much but get little, but those who work hard will prosper.”
Proverbs 13:11 “Wealth from get-rich-quick schemes quickly disappears; wealth from hard work grows over time.”
Proverbs 14:23 “Work brings profit, but more talk leads to poverty.”
We’ve all heard that saying “don’t talk about it–be about it.” Don’t spend your time talking about your dreams and waiting for success to find you! Once you’ve received your dream, once you’ve done your homework and figured out what you need to do to achieve it, go do it! Know that there will be rough times and everything won’t always seem to work out, but remember that God has a master plan. Your trials and pitfalls are there for a reason, a reason you’ll find out later. So thank God in advance for the lessons you learn and for divinely setting up life to get you to where you’re supposed to be. Be diligent. You can’t stand on the sidelines. You have to stay in the race for God to get you to the finish line. As my ma told me, in order to enjoy the rainbow, you have to endure the rain.
5. Hang around people who can help you and who know more than you do. Proverbs 13:20 says “Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.” Proverbs 14:7 says “Stay away from fools, for you won’t find knowledge on their lips.” Surround yourself with positive people who also strive for success. Take advantage of the adults in your life. Listen to their experiences; ask them for their advice; ask them if you can help them with a project in which you’re interested; get to know them. You never know who people know, what opportunities they may know of, or who may be willing to write a letter or make a phone call for you. Stay away from folks with a 10″ frying pan, who think small, who are negative, and who don’t know any more than you do. What can they offer you but bad advice? Don’t get stuck thinking you can’t do something or making wrong decisions. Hang around people who will keep you moving forward.
6. Accept constructive criticism and loving guidance. Do not reinvent the wheel–learn from others! Proverbs 13:18 says “If you ignore criticism, you will end in poverty and disgrace; if you accept correction, you will be honored.” People have been where you are. Even when you feel like NOONE can POSSIBLY understand what you feel, what you’re going through at home or at school, chances are someone does, and God will put them in your path. Those people who love you just want to help you avoid some problems and help you out of others. But you have to LISTEN. Don’t get angry if someone tells you there’s a better way to do something. Don’t get an attitude when someone tells you something you did was wrong. Hear them out. Don’t get wrapped up in the fact that they may be fussing–listen and consider what is being said. You’ll probably be better for it!
I finished by giving them a quote by Benjamin E. Mays:
Every man and woman is born into the world to do something unique and something distinctive, and if he or she does not do it, it will never be done.
And I’ll finish this post with a song by one of the best bands of all time, Earth Wind & Fire.
For you, here’s a song to make your day brighter
One that will last you long through troubled days
Giving your heart the light to brighten all of the dark that falls in your way
I replied that there is no after after the after. Got that?
“Happily ever after” is the rest of time. After the story ends, no matter what else happens during “happily ever after,” the main characters will be okay. They will overcome obstacles, and life will continue to be worth living.
So why have I been searching for “happily ever after”? I’m already in it! My life is definitely worth living, and I already know through the blood of Christ, that I’ve already overcome all of my obstacles. Every minute of every day won’t be “happy,” but I know that through my pain, I find greater appreciation for joy. Because of all the goodness in my life, I can find joy in my life despite hardships and disappointments.
You have to find “ever after” with the Most High. It really is all about perspective. What do we choose to focus on? Would you rather worry or meditate? Both require focus–the only difference is the object of that focus. For instance, I have had some romantic failures. I am lonely. Long term companionship seems to evade me. BUT should I focus on that? Or should I focus on my family, my friends, all my wonderful accomplishments and triumphs, all the projects I have going, all the dreams that I know will one day come to fruition… Umm, my life is kinda awesome. No really… It is.
As a dear friend told me during a crying spell, if the only thing wrong is my loneliness and I have everything else pretty much going well, why am I spending my energy on the loneliness? As I continue to move forward in life, I have to trust that “one day my prince will come” (and stay). And positivity comes from focusing on all the great stuff. It’s like the serenity prayer says:
Romance is not the only piece to that “happily ever after” thing. But having a relationship with Christ is.
It’ll take a whole other post to discuss it, but once we as human beings submit to Christ and reflect his light, we are then able to submit to one another. I look forward to the day I will reflect the light of some great man who will cherish and adore me. But until then, I’ll be patient. I am okay with rolling solo, being who I was made to be.
Erykah Badu, as y’all know, is one of my favorite artists. And she captured what’s in my heart very well in this song. Enjoy.
I’m an orange moon, reflecting the light of the Son (sun)…
I’m an orange moon, and I shine so bright cuz I reflect the light of my Sun
I praise the day He turned my way and smiled at me
He gets to smile and I get to be orange
So, at lunch, I decided to take a trek on MARTA to support a friend (Black Tie BBQ – check them out for delish food!!), and as fate would have it, I’d have a lightbulb moment randomly. Which makes sense. I live by randomness, it seems.
Anywho, on to the lesson. Currently, I’m reading Blackgammon, which is the story of two black American women who are searching for love (or maybe running from it) and freedom in Europe. The book has been right on time, so naturally, I was really into it when it was time for me to change trains at Five Points. As I stood on the platform waiting for a westbound train, enthralled by my book, I heard the whir of a train pass me. I looked up and saw the lights of the train leaving me. Oh no! I thought… I have to wait 6 whole minutes for the next train. Sheesh! Me and this dangblasted book. How in the world did I completely not hear the train when it arrived? (Another reason is because it was a short train–the Bankhead train, which is about half the size of a normal MARTA train and I was too far down on the platform.)
So I moved closer to the center of the platform and took a seat and began reading again, careful to glance up every minute or so at the sign announcing the wait time for the next train. The next train came. Something felt very wrong about it as I stood there missing another train. Then it dawned on me! I wasn’t supposed to catch that train–it’s going in the wrong direction! I was supposed to be waiting on the eastbound train!! Too hot (and lazy) to run, I took my time and went around the station to get to the eastbound platform. And sure enough, when I got to the platform, a train came. Right on time.
<MESSAGE!>
In life, sometimes things seem to be going right and then suddenly, something happens to derail all of it and you’re left wondering “How in the world did that happen?” Or sometimes although things are great, you come to a unexpected juncture, and you think you’re going the right way, but then you realize that way has a barbed wire fence blocking it. Maybe, just maybe, it’s there for a reason. Maybe that missed out opportunity wasn’t what you were supposed to be doing anyway. Maybe it would have taken you in the wrong direction, on to the wrong path. Maybe once you realize that and go to where you need to be, what you need will be there, waiting on you–always right on time.
Disappointments come. They’re a part of life. But the perspective surrounding those disappointments can be positive if you remember that everything happens for a reason and the way they’re supposed to. You just need to be aware and open for some clarity and enlightenment.
There’s a reason for everything that comes and goes…
I found this post, written on 1/8/04. I took a little bit of it out cuz I have some present day things to say. 🙂
Real Middle School Mom of Atlanta 