Brain Dump

Brain Dump

Whoa nah!  I have tons of stuff on my mind, and I don’t even really know where to start or what I want to get off of it.

So this post may end up being total stream of consciousness.  And I’m random like that, so that’s a-ok with me.

I’ve said on multiple occasions that I tend to have a grudge-holding problem, but I’ve been actively trying to combat that because as we know acknowledgement is the first step, but there are still other steps.  So after prayer and meditation, I made some steps toward reconciling with an old friend.  The convo started off kinda tough because expressing pinned up emotion and listening to other people tell you want they think is wrong with you usually are, but I was able to put the right amount of compassion into my responses to her, and I think we’re on our way to being friends again one day.  BUT the good news is that I have let go of my lingering frustrations and bad vibes over that situation.  I was able to release it, and all it took was allowing myself to express my feelings in a constructive way–despite what she said to me.  No yelling, no blowing up.  Stay cooool. 🙂 *Progress!*

Speaking of old friends, one of my childhood friends emailed me yesterday morning and let me know that her nephew is having brain surgery.  You know, the stuff you kinda just think happens on TV.  So she, her nephew, and their family have been at the top of my prayer list.  She sent me an update this morning and he made it through the surgery fine, and now we’re waiting to hear what the new test results are.  I really hope he makes it through, ready to enjoy a full, happy, inspired life.

Inspiration… What inspires you?  What inspires me?  Feeling like I’m making a difference inspires me.  I had a hectic week at work last week, but it was all to the good because I really feel like my job is setting me up to make some real impacts.   Even seeing a reference in a newspaper article to a research document I created set my spirits on fire.  I’m not just working everyday to earn a paycheck (although that is oh so necessary lol)–my work is being prodded and probed and considered and acted on.  It’s because of my long hours that somebody somewhere made a decision that will have far-stretching impacts in a city, a county, or even a region or state.  That matters to me.  I’ve come to learn that I put in my hardest work when I feel like I or it matters.  If I don’t see the significance, it’s hard for me to buckle down and get er done.  Knowing that is helping me to prioritize and better use my time (and say a much needed no more often).

And a certain something has me daydreaming and grinning.  Buuuuuuut I’ll let that stay in my head for awhile. Just for superstition’s sake.  No jinxes please.  Just fun times ahead.  Hmmmmm…

Speaking of fun, softball has been kicking my lazy, out-of-shape butt, but being around black folks in a ball park has done something to me.  It makes me feel more at home.  I can remember going to the ballpark with my mom to watch my dad play.  It’s a really vague memory, lol, but I remember, nonetheless.  My aunt would be keeping score or somewhere near us.  And it was just fun times with laughter and sometimes the smell of food on the grill filling the air.  It took me 8 years to find that in Atlanta!!  And right in time for the summer.  Yippie ya!

I don’t even know what else is swirling around in this complicated mind o’ mine.  Besides that something I don’t want to deliberate on. 🙂  lol you want to know, don’t you? Too bad, so sad!  haha  Anyway, there have been lots in the news I could talk about, but most of it is negative and I’m in too good of a mood to get on my soap box today.  So maybe tomorrow.  In the meantime, get your groove on with one of my newest jams.  I know you want to…

P.S. If you don’t have one–get a mantra or two.  Mine are “Positivity prevails” and “Focus on the miracle.”  They come in handy!!  You gotta align your perspective up with your circumstance to make it through tough times.  Remember that your attitude is often your testimony.  Ok, I’m done for real this time.  Tootleloo!

Mothers and their Daughters

Mothers and their Daughters

Find this picture and more at http://www.orkinphoto.com/children.php.
Mother and Daughter at Penn Station, New York City, 1947 - For this and more pictures, visit http://www.orkinphoto.com/children.php.

Today seems like one of those days that I’m supposed to pick up on a common theme.  Well, a few seconds ago, I figured it out when my bestie emailed me the inspirational start  of a story that’s destined for a happy ending.  She and her mother are on a journey together to build up her mom’s spirit.  And their closeness and today’s triumph reminded me immediately of an interchange my mom and I had this morning.

Somewhat randomly during a convo this morning, my mom said this:

You are such a joy to me.  I just want you to know you live up to the renewal of hope your name invokes. Love you.

That made me tear up this morning, and it’s making me tear up now. (And on top of the teariness LYH’s email just invoked, I need to chill out before I’m on the extreme side of things I just mentioned!) The relationship between mother and daughter is an amazing one.  I’ve spent my life loving my mom and trying to make her proud, and she spent hers trying to make my life exponentially better than hers.  At some point, we transitioned from just a parent-child relationship to a parent-child-friends relationship.  And now that I’m an adult, I understand the sacrifices she has made, and I worry about her probably just as much as she worries about me.  Now, add to the loving and the making proud other things such as checking up on, praying for, trying to prevent worry and stress, defending and threatening on behalf of–all the stuff I owe her for being there for me since even before I was born.

Here’s to all the mothers and daughters out there who are ride or die with each other!  We could not be where we are without the exceptional love of them, and we’re trying our best to return the favor now.  Love you, mama!

Using My Talents

Using My Talents

Well, the Gospel Extravaganza is tomorrow, and I’m experiencing several emotions.  I’m excited, worried, nervous, and the list goes on.  But most of all, what started out as a marketing ploy has really become an aha moment.  I decided to join the lineup in hopes that people I know would come out just to hear me sing.  Because I’m not so diligent in finding opportunities to use all of my talents, there are a ton of people who have no idea I can sing.  And the one time I sang on a stage in GA in 2007, it was kinda iffy.  I dunno why.  Well, yeah I do.  I was nervous, I was upset about my hair, I was ready for the event to be over, and a ton of other issues.

I joined the choir at my church a couple of years ago, but I haven’t made my Thursday free in order for me to go to choir rehearsal so that’s been a bust.  Last year, I sang as one half of a duet in my line sister’s wedding, and that was exhilarating! So why haven’t I made singing a priority? *shrug* I don’t really know.  So I was UBER nervous before rehearsal last night, but when I got that mic in my hand and let the notes start flowing, I was back in my element.  So when will I give all my talents some attention?  I definitely don’t want to lose any of them, especially not my voice.  I just have so many that I struggle to understand why they were given to me or what I’m supposed to do with them or how they fit together with each other (if they do at all!).  I mean, singing is something I love.  Even though Smokie is the only one who hears me on a regular basis. :-/  I definitely need to get with it!

When I sing, I express and fully feel emotions that aren’t normally expressed by me.  I can be a somewhat a-emotional person.  I’m kind of an extremist.  Either I’m not expressive at all or I blow up.  Never too much in the middle.  But when I sing, emotions relevant to the song just well up and overflow.  Happiness, excitement, sadness, hurt, anger, anxiety, hope, enthusiasm, all of it.  There’s a song that parallels anything I’m feeling and can’t quite get out.  Music just does something to my soul.  So here’s to sanging, and here’s to a successful concert on tomorrow!