Ever so often, I’m bogged down with a bunch o’ thoughts swirling around nonstop in my head. Last night despite aromatherapy, I just could not go to sleep. What to do?? After lying awake for an hour or more with no promise of drowsiness, I got up, grabbed my journal, which has been heavily neglected lately, and wrote. And wrote. And wrote. And got all those haphazard thoughts out. Then I meditated. And I followed my heart.
Then I put my head on my pillow and got some rest.
So I mentioned a couple of days ago that an ex of mine was chased through North Jackson. A couple of people asked for that story. What I didn’t mention was that I was in the car! I went to my old blog and found this story and am just pasting it here. I told it on 9/16/03. It happened late 1998. This incident occurred about a year before we dated–at the time, he was my best guy pal. Here goes–enjoy. All in “the life and times”–lol.
Per request of my readers, I have to write about the psycho ho I started talking about yesterday morning. Well, December of my freshman yr, my car was in the shop so my guy friend picked me up from work. We were planning to go by the hospital first to visit his cousin who has sickle-cell anemia, and then he would take me home. Well, we eventually got to the hospital but not after a whole lotta drama. While on the way to the hospital that girl, with whom he was no longer with or so he still says, saw us. I dunno if it was the fact that he had a girl in his car that made her snap and lose her senses or if she actually saw me.
Anyway, she started chasing us, so he tried to lose her by quickly getting in a turn lane and getting on the interstate. Well, like in a horror movie, that didn’t lose her. So he got off of the interstate with the rationale that he would go to his grandma’s house so that his grandma could deal with her craziness. Oh, I forgot to say that you should picture all this in heavy rain and hail. So we were stopped at a stop light and she proceeded to hit us with her car. That’s when I got scared. I was like it’s terrible weather out here and this “ho” is tryna kill us–we could have hydroplaned or something. While fear striked for me, anger struck for my friend. He kept driving to his grandma’s house. There is a stop sign before you get to his house. She sped up, got in front of us, and slammed on her brakes, trying to get him to hit her. He luckily had already been slowing down, so we didn’t hit her, but he was like, “Lock the doors,” and got out of the car. As soon as he got out, she got out and jumped on him. Well, he was brought up not to hit women in any circumstances, so he just put her in one of those football holds and carried her all the way to his house. By the way, he was also the star quarterback for his high school. Anyway, I was sitting in the car in disbelief as the rain and hail beat down on the car. Finally, he came back down the street and took me home.
Later, after everybody’s heartbeat was back to normal, we went on to the hospital, although I was kinda scared. He later told me that wasn’t the first time she went psycho, and I got pissed about that. We ended up not talking for awhile, why I can’t even remember, but I heard through some mutual friends that she had thrown a brick at his car at school a couple of months later… Forgive me for remembering so many details, but I just had never, haven’t since, (and hopefully won’t ever) experienced anything like that. No man is worth all that–tearing up my car, putting my life in immediate danger, setting myself up to be arrested for attempted vehicular homicide or something? Hell naw.
Update: No, I’ve not experienced anything else as crazy since. Whew. Hope you’re all having a mellow Monday.
This afternoon, a friend of mine and I went to the Alliance Theatre and enjoyed a great production written by the great August Wilson called Jitney.
Set in 1977 in a jitney stop (car service) in Pittsburgh, this production explored a range of topics still relevant to the black community, including the disconnect between generations, alcoholism, the role of men in households and families, love and forgiveness, the importance of communication between romantic partners, the effects of war on young soldiers, the lack of support for small businesses in some cities, and the list goes on. This would have made for a great Reads and Reels discussion!
In addition to the great music played between scenes (classics like Marvin Gaye’s “Got to Give It Up”), I really enjoyed the light banter and surefire black lingo infused into the script. The characters were real to me because I could definitely hear my daddy talking like these guys were. Although the plot was very heavy overall, the production made good use of comic relief.
It made me smile to see so many black folk at the theatre, supporting the arts. If you haven’t seen it, make sure to put this on your list of things to do this month. Jitney runs through June 27.
From the time I thought that boys were no longer icky and were worthy of interest, endless thoughts, and daydreams, I’ve always had a “type”. Of course, physical characteristics were always important–my mom always told me “you have to wake up to him in the morning” and “you need to think of your kids.” But if we took a look at all the guys I’ve ever crushed on or dated, I think one thing they mostly all had in common was that they were strong personalities dipped in lots of charm. I don’t know what it is, but I’ve always liked that guy who loves (or at least is comfortable in) the spotlight, knows everybody there is to know, and spends his time mapping out and taking action toward his passions. And many times I’ve blamed this insatiable desire for my dating woes. The guys I actually liked back were the guys with girls chasing them down the block (no, really–one ex had a girl chase him down State St, 220, and Northside Drive in Jackson in a car, but that’s another story) and doing whatever they can to divert his attention; the guys whose dreams were so big that they didn’t know how or didn’t want to juggle, and I never knew if I’d ever be a sizable priority in their lives.
Yet, I have not been willing to (or maybe even able to) take this characteristic off my “list”. There’s just something about a guy who has mastered his social skills and oozes a certain self-confidence and who is all about doing something major while he’s on earth that makes me fan myself. And I’m fine with that. Why? Because I think as we get older, I’m more likely to find the sharp, charismatic guy who is that able to provide me with the balance that has been missing for so long (and yes this is an ambiguous statement–I need help with my own balance and he needs to have some level of balance on his own). We’re all growing into ourselves, right? So once we know what we want, including our partner–don’t we do want we have to do to manage all things important?
So I said all that to introduce an interesting Twitter convo that made me say hmmm.
JHJeffers: RT @DGJ_1977: RT @RHYMEFEST: So ladies be careful what you ask for, because loving ambitious, charismatic & powerful men comes with a cost.
Me: Which is? RT @JHJeffers: RT @RHYMEFEST: So ladies be careful what u ask for bc loving ambitious, charismatic & powerful men comes w a cost.
JHJeffers: @NadaJo: Powerful men often have a strong desire to control and have egos that are out of this world
Me: A few r humble but I can c it RT @JHJeffers @NadaJo: Powerful men often have a strong desire to control&have egos that are out of this world
JHJeffers: @NadaJo Charismatic men are super flirtatious and sometimes cross the line
Me: I see RT @JHJeffers: @NadaJo Charismatic men are super flirtatious and sometimes cross the line
JHJeffers: @NadaJo Ambitious men spend long hours working, Sometimes @ the expense of marriage
Me: Mm hmm RT @JHJeffers: @NadaJo Ambitious men spend long hours working, Sometimes @ the expense of marriage
Me: @JHJeffers so basically we ladies who like pwrful, charismatic, ambitious men need to also pray that he has humility, self-ctrl, and balance
Me: #icandothat
JHJeffers: @NadaJo: Yeeeaaaahhhhh, but I would just shoot for 2 out of 3 #imjustsaying
HarlemFaith: (Well said) RT @NadaJo so we ladies who like pwrful, charismatic, ambitious men need to pray he has humility, self-ctrl, and balance
HarlemFaith: @NadaJo I don’t know if I agree with everything @jhjeffers is saying.. but it’s interesting.
Me (knowing this will turn into a blog post, maybe even a series cuz this is getting good! heehee): What do u think? RT @HarlemFaith: @NadaJo I don’t know if I agree with everything @jhjeffers is saying.. but it’s interesting.
HarlemFaith: @NadaJo @jhjeffers I don’t like the fact that the argument seemed so segmented and over generalized. Yes, those characteristics make ppl
HarlemFaith: @nadajo @jhjeffers successful but powerful men(and women) in lasting relationships know when to turn them on and off.
HarlemFaith: @nadajo @jhjeffers too much of anything is bad…. and there’s a time and place for everything.
HarlemFaith: @nadajo @jhjeffers… I want my man to be just as ambitious as I am.. (and he is) when we are together that energy is directed towards me.
HarlemFaith: For a while, me and many of my counterparts were told that our ambitious, agressive personalities were the reason we didn’t have a man
HarlemFaith: I disagree.. I think there is a time and place for anything. and the key to a successful relationship without losing who you are is figuring out how to channel that intense energy.. and use it for good. lol. Use those same skills to please your man.
HarlemFaith: I’m a big proponent of playing my “position”. I can be your woman (opinionated and all) but still allow you to be the man.
Me: YES! RT @HarlemFaith I’m a big proponent of playing my “position”. I can be ur woman (opinionated & all) but still allow you to be the man.
The convo is still going on. But I’ll do a poll. Can we (I) have it all? Is it possible to have what we want plus the balance needed to make the relationship last and thrive? Do we have to choose between the power, charisma, and ambition and the devotion and dedication? Chime in!
I had to love myself enough to say “no” to the good and leave room for the “great”.
When folks tell you you’re too “picky” or when you’re considering staying in some janky situation in which you’re not happy or fulfilled, think of this quote! By the way, I got it from this article (Choosing a Better Kind of Love) .
I’m also co-signing this blog post (Stop It with the Ugly Girl Problems (Unless You’re an Ugly Girl)). Don’t settle for less!
Be blessed, folks!
Today, I gave a speech at my Toastmasters meeting. I had been putting this speech assignment off for the last month because I just wasn’t amped about any topics. Last night, right before bed, though, I was given inspiration. And lemme tell ya, when I’m inspired, I can’t be stopped. I went to sleep with an issue on my heart, and I woke up with this speech in my brain. I didn’t read it the entire delivery (working on my speaking skills so I can’t be at the lectern reading the whole time!), so I’m sure I didn’t say exactly what’s written below, but you get the gist. Enjoy!
I had another speech planned, but last night, my godsister Schana had to be taken to the hospital because of complications with her diabetes. I was told that she has to have a toe amputated. This, of course, led me to think about a college classmate and friend of mine named Nakemia, who passed away last year due to complications with her diabetes. I also thought about my 17-year-old mentee Bria who has diabetes and had to learn to give herself insulin shots when she was in elementary school. At first, as I thought of people I love who have been taken and affected by diseases, such as breast cancer, kidney cancer, and heart disease, I thought that I would write a new speech about diseases that affect our communities, but then it dawned on me—there’s another lesson here. One that is much less dismal. WE have to live our lives to the fullest because life and health aren’t promised. We must live with intention—so today, I want to encourage each of you to live on purpose, starting with these three tips: love yourself, strive to accept your calling, and don’t put off until tomorrow what you could do today.
The first tip seems very simple, but putting it to action isn’t always so easy. Love yourself. What does that really mean? Well, you should make yourself a priority and take care of yourself. So many times, as human beings who love others, we put others before ourselves and forget to do what we need to do: eat properly, exercise regularly, get adequate rest, meditate, have fun. When you first get on a flight, what does the flight attendant say? If there is a loss of cabin pressure, a person should put on his or her OWN oxygen mask FIRST, and then put on the mask of someone needing assistance. This is because loss of oxygen is disorienting, and in order to help someone else, you need to be keen and alert with all your senses. This can be applied to life in general. When you’re at your best, you can do a much better job of helping other people than you can when you’re mediocre, or just making it. One thing I’ve started doing for myself is going to Bikram yoga, also called hot yoga, which is a form of yoga performed in a 103-105 degree room. Sounds like death, right? Well, it’s actually very refreshing. The heat allows me to zone out and clear my head and center myself while focusing on my poses, challenging my balance and increasing my flexibility. It’s great for meditation. I feel like a thousand bucks after each and every session. Whatever your method, make yourself a priority today!
Once you’re actively loving yourself, you can be much more effective in other people’s lives. I strongly believe that everyone has a calling, and living on purpose requires my second tip: strive to accept your calling. Who knows the Bible story of Jonah and the whale? Well, briefly, God told Jonah, who was from Galilee, to go to Nineveh, which was enemy territory. He was to go and preach to the Ninevites and get them to repent. Well, Jonah was not hearing that, and he ran away, which many of us do by ignoring that urge we all get to do something. He ended up being thrown overboard a ship and swallowed by a whale, all to end up doing what he was supposed to do in the first place. By living up to our purpose for being here, we live intentionally. As you all know, I do a lot of community service, and one of the things I love most is tutoring and spreading the joys of math. 
But it’s not just about tutoring, it’s about being there for my students when they need me and being a positive role model for kids. One of my current students, a 9th grader who lost her mom some time ago, told me last week that she wanted to drop out of school because of family issues. That really disturbed me and even after I had a long talk with her, reminding her of all her goals, the importance of education, and all the activities at school she loves, I still thought about her all weekend and came up with a strategy to use if my talk didn’t help. When I saw her last night, she was back in good spirits. She had changed her mind, and she reached out to me, asking me to spend more time with her this summer even after our tutoring sessions were over. I decided then to make it my mission to make sure she gets through the next 3 years of high school. I don’t do these things for pats on the back—I do them because I was called to. It’s a part of living on purpose.
Finally, don’t put off until tomorrow what you could do today. We all do it. Oh, I’ll call my brother tomorrow. I’ll fix up that old cabinet next weekend. I’ll reorganize my office soon. I’ll go get a massage when I have time. I’ll donate to a charity once I get a raise. Don’t keep putting off your goals and wants and needs. Do them now. Be intentional with your life! Write down your list of tasks and give yourself a deadline to get them done. Log on to Google calendar and put them where you can see them and set reminders. But also, when you feel an urge to do something small but thoughtful—call a loved one, or write a letter or send a card to someone, or ask a friend to go to dinner, just do it. Don’t wait until next week. Life is not promised. And you never know—that urge may have been God-sent. That person may have needed that at that moment. I was near a friend’s house yesterday and although it was 9 o’clock, I called her and asked her if she had eaten. Although she wasn’t at home, she was still touched that I had thought about her. It’s the little things sometimes.
So today, in the midst of all the chaos in the world, I want each of us to live on purpose. We need to love ourselves, strive to accept our callings, and do today what we can do today. Thanks.
A group of friends and I helped to paint this past Saturday night.
Perfect for date night or a group activity with friends, Paint by Numb3rs definitely made for a relaxing yet involved evening. My friends and I painted, talked, laughed, shopped for jewelry from a vendor set up in the gallery, and walked around and enjoyed the artwork on display. What I found particularly fantastic is that the paintings resulting from Paint by Numb3rs are donated to charity and are auctioned off as fundraisers. So, not only did we paint in boxes with numbers in them to let us know what color to use, but we also contributed to someone in need. Next time you’re looking for something different to do on a Saturday night, check out Paint by Numb3rs!
As you know, I love voluntarism. I enjoy being hands on in the community, making a difference in lives in hopes of making an impact on the world around me. And if the satisfaction of helping someone wasn’t enough to get you out there doing volunteer work, SponsorChange.org is giving us yet another reason!
Who out there has student loans that just won’t go away? Well, through this program, non-profits are given access to skilled college graduates who want to pay down their student loans. Volunteer work for student loan payments. Sounds good to me. So if you love volunteering like I do or if you haven’t ever volunteered before, I encourage you to sign up for this program if you’d like some student loan help. Lend a helping hand and get a helping hand.
Still not convinced? Ok, then go check out their Five Worst Reasons Not to Volunteer. Until next time!
So I was just reminiscing on one of the many memorable dates I’ve had, and I wanted to share. It made me chuckle, so maybe this will lighten up your Tuesday load.
A few (5-6) years ago, I met a guy. Cute, tall, appeared pretty cultured. I think we may have met at a concert or something. So we met for dinner, and the first date started off well. I knew he had googled me (which didn’t surprise or alarm me) because he asked about my blog at that time, which was a lot more written in and personal than this one is. I told tons of stories, posted and kept up to date a list of “A Hun’ed Things about Me,” and just shared my feelings on a wide array of topics on a regular basis. Now picture this exchange:
<insert light-hearted conversation and laughing here>
Me: “Yeah! I love those movies!”
Him: <pulling 3 folded up sheets of paper out of his pocket and unfolding them and shuffling through them> “Yeah, I knew that! That’s #77!”
Me:
*blank stare*
I really couldn’t believe he had printed out and studied my list of 100 things about me. I mean, really? I know dates can be like interviews, and you should try to be prepared, but geez louise. That creeped me out, especially since my mom had been warning that I was making myself vulnerable to crazy people. Yes, I totally published the list, but I never fathomed all of its possible uses.
It was similar to the scene featured in the opening of this The Ugly Truth trailer. Except I shut down much more quickly.
Whether he was crazy or not or had issues or if I was just overreacting, I’ll never know. We didn’t go on a second date. But some things just have to come naturally, yanno? *shrug* What do you think? Was he just prepared and I was overreacting? Or was he doing the absolute most?
I usually don’t watch the Monique Show, but I had to watch to see one of my favorite artists of all time, Erykah Badu.
Here’s a quote that really touched me:
Drummers need a camp where they can learn how to drum better. Teachers need a camp where they can learn to teach better. Women need a camp where we can learn how to love better, especially ourselves.
Check out the show.
Real Middle School Mom of Atlanta 