I usually don’t watch the Monique Show, but I had to watch to see one of my favorite artists of all time, Erykah Badu.
Here’s a quote that really touched me:
Drummers need a camp where they can learn how to drum better. Teachers need a camp where they can learn to teach better. Women need a camp where we can learn how to love better, especially ourselves.
Check out the show.
Whoa nah! I have tons of stuff on my mind, and I don’t even really know where to start or what I want to get off of it.
So this post may end up being total stream of consciousness. And I’m random like that, so that’s a-ok with me.
I’ve said on multiple occasions that I tend to have a grudge-holding problem, but I’ve been actively trying to combat that because as we know acknowledgement is the first step, but there are still other steps. So after prayer and meditation, I made some steps toward reconciling with an old friend. The convo started off kinda tough because expressing pinned up emotion and listening to other people tell you want they think is wrong with you usually are, but I was able to put the right amount of compassion into my responses to her, and I think we’re on our way to being friends again one day. BUT the good news is that I have let go of my lingering frustrations and bad vibes over that situation. I was able to release it, and all it took was allowing myself to express my feelings in a constructive way–despite what she said to me. No yelling, no blowing up. Stay cooool. 🙂 *Progress!*
Speaking of old friends, one of my childhood friends emailed me yesterday morning and let me know that her nephew is having brain surgery. You know, the stuff you kinda just think happens on TV. So she, her nephew, and their family have been at the top of my prayer list. She sent me an update this morning and he made it through the surgery fine, and now we’re waiting to hear what the new test results are. I really hope he makes it through, ready to enjoy a full, happy, inspired life.
Inspiration… What inspires you? What inspires me? Feeling like I’m making a difference inspires me. I had a hectic week at work last week, but it was all to the good because I really feel like my job is setting me up to make some real impacts. Even seeing a reference in a newspaper article to a research document I created set my spirits on fire. I’m not just working everyday to earn a paycheck (although that is oh so necessary lol)–my work is being prodded and probed and considered and acted on. It’s because of my long hours that somebody somewhere made a decision that will have far-stretching impacts in a city, a county, or even a region or state. That matters to me. I’ve come to learn that I put in my hardest work when I feel like I or it matters. If I don’t see the significance, it’s hard for me to buckle down and get er done. Knowing that is helping me to prioritize and better use my time (and say a much needed no more often).
And a certain something has me daydreaming and grinning. Buuuuuuut I’ll let that stay in my head for awhile. Just for superstition’s sake. No jinxes please. Just fun times ahead. Hmmmmm…
Speaking of fun, softball has been kicking my lazy, out-of-shape butt, but being around black folks in a ball park has done something to me. It makes me feel more at home. I can remember going to the ballpark with my mom to watch my dad play. It’s a really vague memory, lol, but I remember, nonetheless. My aunt would be keeping score or somewhere near us. And it was just fun times with laughter and sometimes the smell of food on the grill filling the air. It took me 8 years to find that in Atlanta!! And right in time for the summer. Yippie ya!
I don’t even know what else is swirling around in this complicated mind o’ mine. Besides that something I don’t want to deliberate on. 🙂 lol you want to know, don’t you? Too bad, so sad! haha Anyway, there have been lots in the news I could talk about, but most of it is negative and I’m in too good of a mood to get on my soap box today. So maybe tomorrow. In the meantime, get your groove on with one of my newest jams. I know you want to…
P.S. If you don’t have one–get a mantra or two. Mine are “Positivity prevails” and “Focus on the miracle.” They come in handy!! You gotta align your perspective up with your circumstance to make it through tough times. Remember that your attitude is often your testimony. Ok, I’m done for real this time. Tootleloo!
Today seems like one of those days that I’m supposed to pick up on a common theme. Well, a few seconds ago, I figured it out when my bestie emailed me the inspirational start of a story that’s destined for a happy ending. She and her mother are on a journey together to build up her mom’s spirit. And their closeness and today’s triumph reminded me immediately of an interchange my mom and I had this morning.
Somewhat randomly during a convo this morning, my mom said this:
You are such a joy to me. I just want you to know you live up to the renewal of hope your name invokes. Love you.
That made me tear up this morning, and it’s making me tear up now. (And on top of the teariness LYH’s email just invoked, I need to chill out before I’m on the extreme side of things I just mentioned!) The relationship between mother and daughter is an amazing one. I’ve spent my life loving my mom and trying to make her proud, and she spent hers trying to make my life exponentially better than hers. At some point, we transitioned from just a parent-child relationship to a parent-child-friends relationship. And now that I’m an adult, I understand the sacrifices she has made, and I worry about her probably just as much as she worries about me. Now, add to the loving and the making proud other things such as checking up on, praying for, trying to prevent worry and stress, defending and threatening on behalf of–all the stuff I owe her for being there for me since even before I was born.
Here’s to all the mothers and daughters out there who are ride or die with each other! We could not be where we are without the exceptional love of them, and we’re trying our best to return the favor now. Love you, mama!
Well, the Gospel Extravaganza is tomorrow, and I’m experiencing several emotions. I’m excited, worried, nervous, and the list goes on. But most of all, what started out as a marketing ploy has really become an aha moment. I decided to join the lineup in hopes that people I know would come out just to hear me sing. Because I’m not so diligent in finding opportunities to use all of my talents, there are a ton of people who have no idea I can sing. And the one time I sang on a stage in GA in 2007, it was kinda iffy. I dunno why. Well, yeah I do. I was nervous, I was upset about my hair, I was ready for the event to be over, and a ton of other issues.
I joined the choir at my church a couple of years ago, but I haven’t made my Thursday free in order for me to go to choir rehearsal so that’s been a bust. Last year, I sang as one half of a duet in my line sister’s wedding, and that was exhilarating! So why haven’t I made singing a priority? *shrug* I don’t really know. So I was UBER nervous before rehearsal last night, but when I got that mic in my hand and let the notes start flowing, I was back in my element. So when will I give all my talents some attention? I definitely don’t want to lose any of them, especially not my voice. I just have so many that I struggle to understand why they were given to me or what I’m supposed to do with them or how they fit together with each other (if they do at all!). I mean, singing is something I love. Even though Smokie is the only one who hears me on a regular basis. 
I definitely need to get with it!
When I sing, I express and fully feel emotions that aren’t normally expressed by me. I can be a somewhat a-emotional person. I’m kind of an extremist. Either I’m not expressive at all or I blow up. Never too much in the middle. But when I sing, emotions relevant to the song just well up and overflow. Happiness, excitement, sadness, hurt, anger, anxiety, hope, enthusiasm, all of it. There’s a song that parallels anything I’m feeling and can’t quite get out. Music just does something to my soul. So here’s to sanging, and here’s to a successful concert on tomorrow!
I know I’ve been slippin on my blog pimpin, but just bear with me. In the meanwhile, please visit ATAC’s new website!
And purchase your tickets today for the annual Gospel Extravaganza!
Well, it’s Friday, and I’m in a lighthearted mood. So! let’s talk Barbie! Vogue Italia has come out with another all black issue–this time black Barbie got the feature! These pics make me want to start back collecting dolls. Maybe I will even get my old dolls (and books and other memorabilia) from my room at my mom’s house like she’s been asking me to for the past few years.
Here’s another gallery for you black Barbie lovers out there! Isn’t this 1980 Barbie simply fab??
Now, when I was growing up, I had only one white doll. My older brother got me a Russian Cabbage Patch Kid for a birthday. All my other dolls–baby dolls and Barbie–were black. I think my mom did a wonderful job of making sure I saw the beauty in my skin. I can remember telling people when I was jr. high that my brown skin was flawless and I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
When it comes to dolls, honestly, I liked my baby dolls more because they were bigger and I could “style” their hair. Sunshine was my My Child doll, and she still lives at my mom’s house. I also had a Kenya doll (medium skin lol), who has survived a life of being loved too hard. Now, I didn’t have many Barbies, but my cousin Billequa did. She had tons and tons of white Barbies. So one day, I decided to trade with her. Now, let me preface this story with the fact that I understood the value of my black collector’s item Kenyan Barbie, evidenced by the fact that I traded like 5 regular dolls for this one (I think part of my issue was I could do nothing with her hair because she barely had any).
My mother beat me into a coma when she realized what I had done. When I woke up, I marched right back down the street and asked to reverse that transaction. This doll still lives at my mom’s house too. I think I’m still scared to get rid of her. Only now, I really do appreciate her worth. 🙂 Happy Friday!
P.S. If anyone wants to get me any Barbies any time soon, this Alvin Ailey Barbie is simply beautiful, kthnx!
Well, as I’ve chronicled many times, I live a life of busyness. It’s getting better as I say no more often, but still busy nonetheless. At any given moment, there is a wide range of thoughts flowing haphazardly through my mind. During Lent, I have been more intentional with my reading and praying, but meditating is still a difficult task because there are so many thoughts I have to rein in. So I started doing hot yoga, and I. love. it.
What in the world is hot yoga, you say? It’s a form of yoga done in a 105 degree room. It’s not a steamy room–it’s simply hot. Like walking outside on a hot Mississippi summer day (which I can’t wait to do!! Go away snow and below 60 degree weather!). I thought that would be the dealbreaker just because how often do we volunteer to do anything in that kind of heat, but nope… I think the heat kept me focused on what I was doing and on clearing my mind. I was even able to pray while holding poses. The physical side of things is a challenge as well. Of course, my flexibility is pretty much non-existent so I look forward to increasing that. What’s funny, though, is that because I grew up pretty clumsy, catching myself from falling at least once a day, my balance is pretty impressive. 🙂
The classes I take are 90 minutes each, and it doesn’t feel like that much time lapses at all. And I’ve been able to channel the experience into moments where I’ve needed peace, for my thoughts to be still. I still have a long way to go, though, lol. Just Sunday night I had to just work for a couple of hours because I couldn’t get my mind to stop racing in order to go to sleep. I was up until 4 am, but at least I was being productive until I could rest.
I’m reading The Purpose Driven Life over these 40 days of Lent (I’m determined to complete it this go round!), and this was written specifically for me:
When you think about a problem over and over in your mind, that’s called worry. When you think about God’s Word over and over in your mind, that’s meditation. If you know how to worry, you already know how to meditate! You just need to switch your attention from your problems to Bible verses. The more you meditate on God’s Word, the less you will have to worry about.
And here’s a verse for you:
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, BELIEVE that you have received it, and it will be yours. – Mark 11: 22-24
I found this poem here. It made me smile.
Well, it’s Black History Month and I’ve not shared ANY black history facts. So… here are a couple.
Seventy years ago, Smokey Robinson (yes, my pup Smokie is named after this legend) was born in Detroit, Michigan. William “Smokey” Robinson is a world class singer and songwriter. Smokey is one reason I (and many many others) have a profound love for music. I have fond memories of singing and dancing with my daddy to Smokey (and the Miracles) records. Here are a couple of my faves.
Look how smooth Smokey was. Hubba hubba! This next one’s the full length video. This is a classic. The song actually starts around the 3 min mark.
Also, on this day in 1992, John Singleton became the first black director to be nominated for an Academy Award and the youngest director to be nominated for Best Director. He was nominated for Best Director and for Best Original Screenplay for Boyz N the Hood. Many of us consider this movie a classic, and here’s the trailer.
Hope you enjoyed those! I’ll try to remember to do a couple more before the month is over! Happy Friday!
I read this commentary this morning, and it really hit home.
That said, what happens after you meet and then are forced to end it with someone whose smile makes you warm inside, who you don’t mind using the bathroom in front of, whose dreams become yours?
At first, I was thinking yada yada yada, here we go again with the plight of the black educated woman. Until I read the above quote–then my brain woke up to see the author was talking about something I’m way more interested in–perspective on love.
I’ve been in love. In fact, I think I’m in love with being in love. I love how I feel when I get a new crush, and I especially love how requited love feels and how having it affects me. But what’s funny is, I’m a really cynical person, and it takes me awhile to fall. But boy, when I do… lol! I look forward to that connection. What keeps me sane and hopeful, I think, is my openness to love and the possibilities. 
But it took me awhile to get to this place. My last love didn’t work out. 
And I had to learn that just because he was a great love, it’s not for me to decide that he was my greatEST love. That experience showed me that despite my cynicism, my wariness, my busyness, and my plight as an educated black woman (heehee), that I have a HUGE and dynamic capacity to love. And to love despite odds and obstacles. Before I came to that realization (that I’m not the maker and I have no idea what’s in store for my life), I hadn’t realized that I was one of these people:
Also, many people have already experienced love and have given it a face, scent and voice.
Love isn’t that cookie cutter! Just because love happened one way with someone doesn’t mean it’s gonna look or feel exactly like that every single time. Love, just as life, is unpredictable! You never know when you may turn the corner, trip, and be caught by a Prince Naveen. And he may not be what you were looking for, but be everything you were looking for, all wrapped into one package. And you’ll see it if you’re open to it. [NOTE – I am NOT saying to give every Joe Blow a chance. Please have standards, lol. I’m just saying sometimes we overlook people because of stuff that’s not even on our list of important stuff about a mate or because we’re being beyond cynical.] Like, Musiq said:
What would it take to be in a love I know that’s right for me?
And I know that you don’t even know me yet, but I believe that one day I’ll be where you are…
The point is, I, like the blogger, “believe the purpose of that relationship was to introduce me to love’s potential.” All I’m saying is… be open. Be open to life’s possibilities. Know that God thinks and is way bigger than you ever could or will be. The experiences we encounter in life are a part of His master plan. We should learn from them, grow from those lessons, and look forward to the situations in which we will be able to use those lessons. And don’t be scared of loving just because you can’t see the future. Even if it doesn’t work out one day, enjoy the positivity and the love lessons now!
Speaking of learning, those failed romances are lessons on loving. You learn about yourself, how you love, and how to love others. So here’s another Musiq song for ya. Head to the sky!
Real Middle School Mom of Atlanta 