Thanks to all of you out there who voted for my essay and spread the word. I’m getting a Kindle!! I guess it’s time for me to start actually publishing my book reviews, huh? 🙂
I know I’ve been ghost lately. No worries–I’ll be posting up a storm in just a little while. Until then, make everyday a positive, productive day!
So, at lunch, I decided to take a trek on MARTA to support a friend (Black Tie BBQ – check them out for delish food!!), and as fate would have it, I’d have a lightbulb moment randomly. Which makes sense. I live by randomness, it seems.
Anywho, on to the lesson. Currently, I’m reading Blackgammon, which is the story of two black American women who are searching for love (or maybe running from it) and freedom in Europe. The book has been right on time, so naturally, I was really into it when it was time for me to change trains at Five Points. As I stood on the platform waiting for a westbound train, enthralled by my book, I heard the whir of a train pass me. I looked up and saw the lights of the train leaving me. Oh no! I thought… I have to wait 6 whole minutes for the next train. Sheesh! Me and this dangblasted book. How in the world did I completely not hear the train when it arrived? (Another reason is because it was a short train–the Bankhead train, which is about half the size of a normal MARTA train and I was too far down on the platform.)
So I moved closer to the center of the platform and took a seat and began reading again, careful to glance up every minute or so at the sign announcing the wait time for the next train. The next train came. Something felt very wrong about it as I stood there missing another train. Then it dawned on me! I wasn’t supposed to catch that train–it’s going in the wrong direction! I was supposed to be waiting on the eastbound train!! Too hot (and lazy) to run, I took my time and went around the station to get to the eastbound platform. And sure enough, when I got to the platform, a train came. Right on time.
<MESSAGE!>
In life, sometimes things seem to be going right and then suddenly, something happens to derail all of it and you’re left wondering “How in the world did that happen?” Or sometimes although things are great, you come to a unexpected juncture, and you think you’re going the right way, but then you realize that way has a barbed wire fence blocking it. Maybe, just maybe, it’s there for a reason. Maybe that missed out opportunity wasn’t what you were supposed to be doing anyway. Maybe it would have taken you in the wrong direction, on to the wrong path. Maybe once you realize that and go to where you need to be, what you need will be there, waiting on you–always right on time.
Disappointments come. They’re a part of life. But the perspective surrounding those disappointments can be positive if you remember that everything happens for a reason and the way they’re supposed to. You just need to be aware and open for some clarity and enlightenment.
There’s a reason for everything that comes and goes…
Yes, rigamarole is a real word.
From dictionary.com:
rig·a·ma·role (rĭg’ə-mə-rōl’)
n. Variant of rigmarole.
rig·ma·role (rĭg’mə-rōl’)
n.
- Confused, rambling, or incoherent discourse; nonsense.
- A complicated, petty set of procedures.
When things that seem to make all the sense in the world become confusing and chaotic, what do you do? I am looking forward to clearing my mind with some hot yoga in the morning. I know that all things work out the way they’re supposed to, but it’s sometimes difficult for me to shift to find the new perspective. Oh, I will shift. Without a doubt. But there’s a delayed reaction. Maybe (hopefully) it’s just for a little while. And by little while, I mean a quick moment. Lofty, but possible, right? It’s just hard being vulnerable and not in control. But ever the risk taker, I can’t help but try, even if it ends in failure. I bump my head and get back up after as soon as I’m no longer dizzy.
So until I make that shift that facilitates my ability to have a positive perspective, this is for me and anyone else there that is having some trouble sorting stuff out.
Be still, young heart, and never will you fall apart.
Be wise, my dear, you must learn to just be still
Until you really really know.
Show me your eye, shine your light, I wonder when will i know.
Love is in the air. While it seems to be darting every which-a-way when it enters a 5 yard radius of me, it’s so great to see my friends swooning and being wooed. Black love exists!! (Despite the media alarms that it’s endangered–it still exists.) It’s something special to see your friends giddy and grinning. What’s more uplifting than the aura of love infused in the atmosphere? Positivity is contagious! Let it infect you!
There’s nothing like the feeling of a new connection. The stolen glances at the guy across the room whose good looks caught your eye. The charming smile sent your way to acknowledge that the interest is mutual. The instant spark you feel as soon as he enters your energy field to introduce himself and find out who you are. The natural flirting that neither of you can help. It feels great when you go out on your first (and second and third) date and your heart flutters as he dotes on you and stares into you, learning you, allowing himself to be learned. And it’s astounding when you could talk to him until daylight or when you can sit with him without a word spoken.
It’s really only supposed to work out once–which means it won’t work out who knows how many times before that. Although I sometimes kick myself for being (maybe too) open and vulnerable, I wouldn’t trade those immensely charged feelings of being connected to someone, desire, anticipation, hope, inspiration, promise for the hope of never feeling disappointed, rejected, abandoned. You won’t know if it’s meant to be unless you step out on faith and see.
Love is in the air. Jump up and grab some.
I got an extremely random set of text messages today, and it got me thinking. I want to share with you my conclusion from the exchange.
Lesson of the Day: Be true to yourself. Consider advice from others, but make your own decisions. Follow your own heart and conscience. At the end of the day, no one will live with ur regrets but you. So why be bound by other people’s opinions?
I was blessed to have parents who believed in letting me be me. When I was faced with the decision of whether or not to skip my senior year of high school and start college at 16, my mom said, “This one is on you. I’m not going to make this decision for you and have you resenting me one day if you don’t do what you really want.” I will always remember those words.
I truly believe everything happens as they are supposed to–but how we feel about all of everything depends on several factors. Attitude and perspective (during and after the fact) are part of it, but our regrets play a major role as well.
Listen up. You only have one life. Live it the way you’re led to live it. Don’t depend on anyone else to bestow upon you the dreams they have. Accept the ones God puts inside of you, and pursue those. Don’t wait for anyone’s permission. DO YOU.
Yesterday, I posted 5 songs, all performed by the ladies, so today, I’ll post 5 from the guys on my Mushy Moments playlist. Yep, it’s Friday, and the stresses of the week are sliding off my back. Still daydreaming I am.
I could really do this whole post and a couple more with Musiq and Raheem. But I’ll try to restrain myself. I’m posting the songs as I go/as they come to mind, so we’ll see what happens.
All we had were letters till we formed the words/Started from the lyrics till we found the verses that can bridge us through/Baby we could be the greatest love song…
I dream of singing this with Mr. Man while gazing into his eyes and swaying to the music. I really love this song. How can anyone not want to be smitten after listening to this?
I’ll be something like the rebirth of love with a twist/it started with a simple kiss/what could be more precious then the rebirth of love?
This song puts into words why I’m open-minded and is a fave on my playlist. Raheem really is one of my favorite male singers ever. I’ve been a fan since he was in Crossrhodes. Yes, I have the mixtapes and the albums. I’ve been to all but one concert that he’s done in Atlanta. I’m a borderline Stan. If you haven’t picked up the latest album, go get it. Especially you conscious minded folks out there. 🙂
Don’t want you to escape cuz I know true love is hard to find–so I keep her heart in mine…
Brandon Hines is a slept on artist. I found out about him in 07 (I think), and I’ve been a fan since. Check him out at his website and on youtube.
I would gladly walk you home, but you’re already here…
Cee-Lo Green is another artist I follow. His creativity is like none other. Here’s one of my faves from Cee-Lo Green…Is the Soul Machine.
Your love, your love is amazing. One touch takes me a thousand places…
Van Hunt makes me smile. I thought of a couple of other songs from his first album, but they have a slight depressing undertone. But this one finishes off this post perfectly.
Happy Friday, folks! I hope you have a positive, relaxing, and satisfying weekend!
Here are a couple of songs I can’t stop listening to. Join me in my mushy daydreaming fest.
Sir Greendown, I need your shining light…
Say you’ll go to Nirvana. Will you leave Samsara? … Let’s find forever, and write our names in fire on each other’s hearts.
Don’t sleep on Janelle Monae… If you haven’t purchased her new album, you need to do so as soon as you finish reading my blog. 🙂 It’s a banger from beginning to end.
Hearts led, baby–it’s your deal. Umm hmm
Same goes with New Amerykah Part II. Erykah Badu keeps me on my groove thang. Really, I could just make this whole post about Janelle and Erykah, who are performing tonight in Memphis and I so wish I would be there.
Back in them days my heart never made a sound/Now it’s beating like my head’s in the clouds
Oldie but goodie. I love Alice Smith’s voice. She will always and forever make my Mushy Moments playlist.
My arms brag to each other about how you feel–from conversations, I know what they feel is real…
This is one of my fave Algebra songs. It just put words and a melody to some special feelings.
I think 5 is a good number. There are PLENTY more I could post though. Music is so good for the soul. One more day till the weekend, my friends! Keep the positive vibes going!
Ever so often, I’m bogged down with a bunch o’ thoughts swirling around nonstop in my head. Last night despite aromatherapy, I just could not go to sleep. What to do?? After lying awake for an hour or more with no promise of drowsiness, I got up, grabbed my journal, which has been heavily neglected lately, and wrote. And wrote. And wrote. And got all those haphazard thoughts out. Then I meditated. And I followed my heart.
Then I put my head on my pillow and got some rest.
So I mentioned a couple of days ago that an ex of mine was chased through North Jackson. A couple of people asked for that story. What I didn’t mention was that I was in the car! I went to my old blog and found this story and am just pasting it here. I told it on 9/16/03. It happened late 1998. This incident occurred about a year before we dated–at the time, he was my best guy pal. Here goes–enjoy. All in “the life and times”–lol.
Per request of my readers, I have to write about the psycho ho I started talking about yesterday morning. Well, December of my freshman yr, my car was in the shop so my guy friend picked me up from work. We were planning to go by the hospital first to visit his cousin who has sickle-cell anemia, and then he would take me home. Well, we eventually got to the hospital but not after a whole lotta drama. While on the way to the hospital that girl, with whom he was no longer with or so he still says, saw us. I dunno if it was the fact that he had a girl in his car that made her snap and lose her senses or if she actually saw me.
Anyway, she started chasing us, so he tried to lose her by quickly getting in a turn lane and getting on the interstate. Well, like in a horror movie, that didn’t lose her. So he got off of the interstate with the rationale that he would go to his grandma’s house so that his grandma could deal with her craziness. Oh, I forgot to say that you should picture all this in heavy rain and hail. So we were stopped at a stop light and she proceeded to hit us with her car. That’s when I got scared. I was like it’s terrible weather out here and this “ho” is tryna kill us–we could have hydroplaned or something. While fear striked for me, anger struck for my friend. He kept driving to his grandma’s house. There is a stop sign before you get to his house. She sped up, got in front of us, and slammed on her brakes, trying to get him to hit her. He luckily had already been slowing down, so we didn’t hit her, but he was like, “Lock the doors,” and got out of the car. As soon as he got out, she got out and jumped on him. Well, he was brought up not to hit women in any circumstances, so he just put her in one of those football holds and carried her all the way to his house. By the way, he was also the star quarterback for his high school. Anyway, I was sitting in the car in disbelief as the rain and hail beat down on the car. Finally, he came back down the street and took me home.
Later, after everybody’s heartbeat was back to normal, we went on to the hospital, although I was kinda scared. He later told me that wasn’t the first time she went psycho, and I got pissed about that. We ended up not talking for awhile, why I can’t even remember, but I heard through some mutual friends that she had thrown a brick at his car at school a couple of months later… Forgive me for remembering so many details, but I just had never, haven’t since, (and hopefully won’t ever) experienced anything like that. No man is worth all that–tearing up my car, putting my life in immediate danger, setting myself up to be arrested for attempted vehicular homicide or something? Hell naw.
Update: No, I’ve not experienced anything else as crazy since. Whew. Hope you’re all having a mellow Monday.
Well, the Gospel Extravaganza is tomorrow, and I’m experiencing several emotions. I’m excited, worried, nervous, and the list goes on. But most of all, what started out as a marketing ploy has really become an aha moment. I decided to join the lineup in hopes that people I know would come out just to hear me sing. Because I’m not so diligent in finding opportunities to use all of my talents, there are a ton of people who have no idea I can sing. And the one time I sang on a stage in GA in 2007, it was kinda iffy. I dunno why. Well, yeah I do. I was nervous, I was upset about my hair, I was ready for the event to be over, and a ton of other issues.
I joined the choir at my church a couple of years ago, but I haven’t made my Thursday free in order for me to go to choir rehearsal so that’s been a bust. Last year, I sang as one half of a duet in my line sister’s wedding, and that was exhilarating! So why haven’t I made singing a priority? *shrug* I don’t really know. So I was UBER nervous before rehearsal last night, but when I got that mic in my hand and let the notes start flowing, I was back in my element. So when will I give all my talents some attention? I definitely don’t want to lose any of them, especially not my voice. I just have so many that I struggle to understand why they were given to me or what I’m supposed to do with them or how they fit together with each other (if they do at all!). I mean, singing is something I love. Even though Smokie is the only one who hears me on a regular basis. 
I definitely need to get with it!
When I sing, I express and fully feel emotions that aren’t normally expressed by me. I can be a somewhat a-emotional person. I’m kind of an extremist. Either I’m not expressive at all or I blow up. Never too much in the middle. But when I sing, emotions relevant to the song just well up and overflow. Happiness, excitement, sadness, hurt, anger, anxiety, hope, enthusiasm, all of it. There’s a song that parallels anything I’m feeling and can’t quite get out. Music just does something to my soul. So here’s to sanging, and here’s to a successful concert on tomorrow!
Real Middle School Mom of Atlanta 