Love and Randomness

Love and Randomness

Love is in the air.  While it seems to be darting every which-a-way when it enters a 5 yard radius of me, it’s so great to see my friends swooning and being wooed. Black love exists!! (Despite the media alarms that it’s endangered–it still exists.) It’s something special to see your friends giddy and grinning.  What’s more uplifting than the aura of love infused in the atmosphere?  Positivity is contagious!  Let it infect you!

There’s nothing like the feeling of a new connection.  The stolen glances at the guy across the room whose good looks caught your eye. The charming smile sent your way to acknowledge that the interest is mutual.  The instant spark you feel as soon as he enters your energy field to introduce himself and find out who you are.  The natural flirting that neither of you can help.  It feels great when you go out on your first (and second and third) date and your heart flutters as he dotes on you and stares into you, learning you, allowing himself to be learned.  And it’s astounding when you could talk to him until daylight or when you can sit with him without a word spoken.

It’s really only supposed to work out once–which means it won’t work out who knows how many times before that.  Although I sometimes kick myself for being (maybe too) open and vulnerable, I wouldn’t trade those immensely charged feelings of being connected to someone, desire, anticipation, hope, inspiration, promise for the hope of never feeling disappointed, rejected, abandoned.  You won’t know if it’s meant to be unless you step out on faith and see.

Love is in the air.  Jump up and grab some.

Be true to you.

Be true to you.

I got an extremely random set of text messages today, and it got me thinking. I want to share with you my conclusion from the exchange.

Lesson of the Day:  Be true to yourself. Consider advice from others, but make your own decisions. Follow your own heart and conscience.  At the end of the day, no one will live with ur regrets but you. So why be bound by other people’s opinions?

I was blessed to have parents who believed in letting me be me.  When I was faced with the decision of whether or not to skip my senior year of high school and start college at 16, my mom said, “This one is on you.  I’m not going to make this decision for you and have you resenting me one day if you don’t do what you really want.”  I will always remember those words.

I truly believe everything happens as they are supposed to–but how we feel about all of everything depends on several factors.  Attitude and perspective (during and after the fact) are part of it, but our regrets play a major role as well.

Listen up.  You only have one life.  Live it the way you’re led to live it.  Don’t depend on anyone else to bestow upon you the dreams they have.  Accept the ones God puts inside of you, and pursue those.  Don’t wait for anyone’s permission.  DO YOU.

Much Ado with a Jumbled Mind

Much Ado with a Jumbled Mind

Ever so often, I’m bogged down with a bunch o’ thoughts swirling around nonstop in my head.  Last night despite aromatherapy, I just could not go to sleep.  What to do??  After lying awake for an hour or more with no promise of drowsiness, I got up, grabbed my journal, which has been heavily neglected lately, and wrote. And wrote. And wrote. And got all those haphazard thoughts out.  Then I meditated.  And I followed my heart.

Then I put my head on my pillow and got some rest.

Love Quote of the Day

Love Quote of the Day

I had to love myself enough to say “no” to the good and leave room for the “great”.

Hug yourself!

When folks tell you you’re too “picky” or when you’re considering staying in some janky situation in which you’re not happy or fulfilled, think of this quote! By the way, I got it from this article (Choosing a Better Kind of Love) .

I’m also co-signing this blog post (Stop It with the Ugly Girl Problems (Unless You’re an Ugly Girl)).  Don’t settle for less!

Be blessed, folks!

Speech: Live on Purpose

Speech: Live on Purpose

Today, I gave a speech at my Toastmasters meeting.  I had been putting this speech assignment off for the last month because I just wasn’t amped about any topics.  Last night, right before bed, though, I was given inspiration.  And lemme tell ya, when I’m inspired, I can’t be stopped.  I went to sleep with an issue on my heart, and I woke up with this speech in my brain.  I didn’t read it the entire delivery (working on my speaking skills so I can’t be at the lectern reading the whole time!), so I’m sure I didn’t say exactly what’s written below, but you get the gist.  Enjoy!

I had another speech planned, but last night, my godsister Schana had to be taken to the hospital because of complications with her diabetes.  I was told that she has to have a toe amputated.  This, of course, led me to think about a college classmate and friend of mine named Nakemia, who passed away last year due to complications with her diabetes. I also thought about my 17-year-old mentee Bria who has diabetes and had to learn to give herself insulin shots when she was in elementary school.  At first, as I thought of people I love who have been taken and affected by diseases, such as breast cancer, kidney cancer, and heart disease, I thought that I would write a new speech about diseases that affect our communities, but then it dawned on me—there’s another lesson here.  One that is much less dismal.  WE have to live our lives to the fullest because life and health aren’t promised.  We must live with intention—so today, I want to encourage each of you to live on purpose, starting with these three tips: love yourself, strive to accept your calling, and don’t put off until tomorrow what you could do today.

The first tip seems very simple, but putting it to action isn’t always so easy.  Love yourself.  What does that really mean?  Well, you should make yourself a priority and take care of yourself.  So many times, as human beings who love others, we put others before ourselves and forget to do what we need to do: eat properly, exercise regularly, get adequate rest, meditate, have fun.  When you first get on a flight, what does the flight attendant say?  If there is a loss of cabin pressure, a person should put on his or her OWN oxygen mask FIRST, and then put on the mask of someone needing assistance.  This is because loss of oxygen is disorienting, and in order to help someone else, you need to be keen and alert with all your senses.  This can be applied to life in general.  When you’re at your best, you can do a much better job of helping other people than you can when you’re mediocre, or just making it.  One thing I’ve started doing for myself is going to Bikram yoga, also called hot yoga, which is a form of yoga performed in a 103-105 degree room.  Sounds like death, right?  Well, it’s actually very refreshing.  The heat allows me to zone out and clear my head and center myself while focusing on my poses, challenging my balance and increasing my flexibility.  It’s great for meditation.  I feel like a thousand bucks after each and every session.  Whatever your method, make yourself a priority today!

Once you’re actively loving yourself, you can be much more effective in other people’s lives.  I strongly believe that everyone has a calling, and living on purpose requires my second tip: strive to accept your calling.  Who knows the Bible story of Jonah and the whale?  Well, briefly, God told Jonah, who was from Galilee, to go to Nineveh, which was enemy territory. He was to go and preach to the Ninevites and get them to repent.  Well, Jonah was not hearing that, and he ran away, which many of us do by ignoring that urge we all get to do something.  He ended up being thrown overboard a ship and swallowed by a whale, all to end up doing what he was supposed to do in the first place.  By living up to our purpose for being here, we live intentionally.  As you all know, I do a lot of community service, and one of the things I love most is tutoring and spreading the joys of math. nerd smug But it’s not just about tutoring, it’s about being there for my students when they need me and being a positive role model for kids.  One of my current students, a 9th grader who lost her mom some time ago, told me last week that she wanted to drop out of school because of family issues.  That really disturbed me and even after I had a long talk with her, reminding her of all her goals, the importance of education, and all the activities at school she loves, I still thought about her all weekend and came up with a strategy to use if my talk didn’t help.  When I saw her last night, she was back in good spirits.  She had changed her mind, and she reached out to me, asking me to spend more time with her this summer even after our tutoring sessions were over.  I decided then to make it my mission to make sure she gets through the next 3 years of high school.  I don’t do these things for pats on the back—I do them because I was called to.  It’s a part of living on purpose.

Finally, don’t put off until tomorrow what you could do today.  We all do it.  Oh, I’ll call my brother tomorrow.  I’ll fix up that old cabinet next weekend.   I’ll reorganize my office soon.  I’ll go get a massage when I have time.  I’ll donate to a charity once I get a raise.  Don’t keep putting off your goals and wants and needs.  Do them now.  Be intentional with your life!  Write down your list of tasks and give yourself a deadline to get them done.  Log on to Google calendar and put them where you can see them and set reminders.  But also, when you feel an urge to do something small but thoughtful—call a loved one, or write a letter or send a card to someone, or ask a friend to go to dinner, just do it.  Don’t wait until next week.  Life is not promised.  And you never know—that urge may have been God-sent.  That person may have needed that at that moment.  I was near a friend’s house yesterday and although it was 9 o’clock, I called her and asked her if she had eaten.  Although she wasn’t at home, she was still touched that I had thought about her.  It’s the little things sometimes.

So today, in the midst of all the chaos in the world, I want each of us to live on purpose.  We need to love ourselves, strive to accept our callings, and do today what we can do today.  Thanks.

Women and Love

Women and Love

I usually don’t watch the Monique Show, but I had to watch to see one of my favorite artists of all time, Erykah Badu.

Here’s a quote that really touched me:

Drummers need a camp where they can learn how to drum better. Teachers need a camp where they can learn to teach better. Women need a camp where we can learn how to love better, especially ourselves.

Check out the show.

Brain Dump

Brain Dump

Whoa nah!  I have tons of stuff on my mind, and I don’t even really know where to start or what I want to get off of it.

So this post may end up being total stream of consciousness.  And I’m random like that, so that’s a-ok with me.

I’ve said on multiple occasions that I tend to have a grudge-holding problem, but I’ve been actively trying to combat that because as we know acknowledgement is the first step, but there are still other steps.  So after prayer and meditation, I made some steps toward reconciling with an old friend.  The convo started off kinda tough because expressing pinned up emotion and listening to other people tell you want they think is wrong with you usually are, but I was able to put the right amount of compassion into my responses to her, and I think we’re on our way to being friends again one day.  BUT the good news is that I have let go of my lingering frustrations and bad vibes over that situation.  I was able to release it, and all it took was allowing myself to express my feelings in a constructive way–despite what she said to me.  No yelling, no blowing up.  Stay cooool. 🙂 *Progress!*

Speaking of old friends, one of my childhood friends emailed me yesterday morning and let me know that her nephew is having brain surgery.  You know, the stuff you kinda just think happens on TV.  So she, her nephew, and their family have been at the top of my prayer list.  She sent me an update this morning and he made it through the surgery fine, and now we’re waiting to hear what the new test results are.  I really hope he makes it through, ready to enjoy a full, happy, inspired life.

Inspiration… What inspires you?  What inspires me?  Feeling like I’m making a difference inspires me.  I had a hectic week at work last week, but it was all to the good because I really feel like my job is setting me up to make some real impacts.   Even seeing a reference in a newspaper article to a research document I created set my spirits on fire.  I’m not just working everyday to earn a paycheck (although that is oh so necessary lol)–my work is being prodded and probed and considered and acted on.  It’s because of my long hours that somebody somewhere made a decision that will have far-stretching impacts in a city, a county, or even a region or state.  That matters to me.  I’ve come to learn that I put in my hardest work when I feel like I or it matters.  If I don’t see the significance, it’s hard for me to buckle down and get er done.  Knowing that is helping me to prioritize and better use my time (and say a much needed no more often).

And a certain something has me daydreaming and grinning.  Buuuuuuut I’ll let that stay in my head for awhile. Just for superstition’s sake.  No jinxes please.  Just fun times ahead.  Hmmmmm…

Speaking of fun, softball has been kicking my lazy, out-of-shape butt, but being around black folks in a ball park has done something to me.  It makes me feel more at home.  I can remember going to the ballpark with my mom to watch my dad play.  It’s a really vague memory, lol, but I remember, nonetheless.  My aunt would be keeping score or somewhere near us.  And it was just fun times with laughter and sometimes the smell of food on the grill filling the air.  It took me 8 years to find that in Atlanta!!  And right in time for the summer.  Yippie ya!

I don’t even know what else is swirling around in this complicated mind o’ mine.  Besides that something I don’t want to deliberate on. 🙂  lol you want to know, don’t you? Too bad, so sad!  haha  Anyway, there have been lots in the news I could talk about, but most of it is negative and I’m in too good of a mood to get on my soap box today.  So maybe tomorrow.  In the meantime, get your groove on with one of my newest jams.  I know you want to…

P.S. If you don’t have one–get a mantra or two.  Mine are “Positivity prevails” and “Focus on the miracle.”  They come in handy!!  You gotta align your perspective up with your circumstance to make it through tough times.  Remember that your attitude is often your testimony.  Ok, I’m done for real this time.  Tootleloo!

Mothers and their Daughters

Mothers and their Daughters

Find this picture and more at http://www.orkinphoto.com/children.php.
Mother and Daughter at Penn Station, New York City, 1947 - For this and more pictures, visit http://www.orkinphoto.com/children.php.

Today seems like one of those days that I’m supposed to pick up on a common theme.  Well, a few seconds ago, I figured it out when my bestie emailed me the inspirational start  of a story that’s destined for a happy ending.  She and her mother are on a journey together to build up her mom’s spirit.  And their closeness and today’s triumph reminded me immediately of an interchange my mom and I had this morning.

Somewhat randomly during a convo this morning, my mom said this:

You are such a joy to me.  I just want you to know you live up to the renewal of hope your name invokes. Love you.

That made me tear up this morning, and it’s making me tear up now. (And on top of the teariness LYH’s email just invoked, I need to chill out before I’m on the extreme side of things I just mentioned!) The relationship between mother and daughter is an amazing one.  I’ve spent my life loving my mom and trying to make her proud, and she spent hers trying to make my life exponentially better than hers.  At some point, we transitioned from just a parent-child relationship to a parent-child-friends relationship.  And now that I’m an adult, I understand the sacrifices she has made, and I worry about her probably just as much as she worries about me.  Now, add to the loving and the making proud other things such as checking up on, praying for, trying to prevent worry and stress, defending and threatening on behalf of–all the stuff I owe her for being there for me since even before I was born.

Here’s to all the mothers and daughters out there who are ride or die with each other!  We could not be where we are without the exceptional love of them, and we’re trying our best to return the favor now.  Love you, mama!

Using My Talents

Using My Talents

Well, the Gospel Extravaganza is tomorrow, and I’m experiencing several emotions.  I’m excited, worried, nervous, and the list goes on.  But most of all, what started out as a marketing ploy has really become an aha moment.  I decided to join the lineup in hopes that people I know would come out just to hear me sing.  Because I’m not so diligent in finding opportunities to use all of my talents, there are a ton of people who have no idea I can sing.  And the one time I sang on a stage in GA in 2007, it was kinda iffy.  I dunno why.  Well, yeah I do.  I was nervous, I was upset about my hair, I was ready for the event to be over, and a ton of other issues.

I joined the choir at my church a couple of years ago, but I haven’t made my Thursday free in order for me to go to choir rehearsal so that’s been a bust.  Last year, I sang as one half of a duet in my line sister’s wedding, and that was exhilarating! So why haven’t I made singing a priority? *shrug* I don’t really know.  So I was UBER nervous before rehearsal last night, but when I got that mic in my hand and let the notes start flowing, I was back in my element.  So when will I give all my talents some attention?  I definitely don’t want to lose any of them, especially not my voice.  I just have so many that I struggle to understand why they were given to me or what I’m supposed to do with them or how they fit together with each other (if they do at all!).  I mean, singing is something I love.  Even though Smokie is the only one who hears me on a regular basis. :-/  I definitely need to get with it!

When I sing, I express and fully feel emotions that aren’t normally expressed by me.  I can be a somewhat a-emotional person.  I’m kind of an extremist.  Either I’m not expressive at all or I blow up.  Never too much in the middle.  But when I sing, emotions relevant to the song just well up and overflow.  Happiness, excitement, sadness, hurt, anger, anxiety, hope, enthusiasm, all of it.  There’s a song that parallels anything I’m feeling and can’t quite get out.  Music just does something to my soul.  So here’s to sanging, and here’s to a successful concert on tomorrow!

My New Thing

My New Thing

Well, as I’ve chronicled many times, I live a life of busyness.  It’s getting better as I say no more often, but still busy nonetheless.  At any given moment, there is a wide range of thoughts flowing haphazardly through my mind.  During Lent, I have been more intentional with my reading and praying, but meditating is still a difficult task because there are so many thoughts I have to rein in.  So I started doing hot yoga, and I. love. it.

What in the world is hot yoga, you say?  It’s a form of yoga done in a 105 degree room.  It’s not a steamy room–it’s simply hot.   Like walking outside on a hot Mississippi summer day (which I can’t wait to do!! Go away snow and below 60 degree weather!).  I thought that would be the dealbreaker just because how often do we volunteer to do anything in that kind of heat, but nope…  I think the heat kept me focused on what I was doing and on clearing my mind.  I was even able to pray while holding poses.  The physical side of things is a challenge as well.  Of course, my flexibility is pretty much non-existent so I look forward to increasing that. What’s funny, though, is that because I grew up pretty clumsy, catching myself from falling at least once a day, my balance is pretty impressive. 🙂

The classes I take are 90 minutes each, and it doesn’t feel like that much time lapses at all.  And I’ve been able to channel the experience into moments where I’ve needed peace, for my thoughts to be still.  I still have a long way to go, though, lol.  Just Sunday night I had to just work for a couple of hours because I couldn’t get my mind to stop racing in order to go to sleep.  I was up until 4 am, but at least I was being productive until I could rest.

I’m reading The Purpose Driven Life over these 40 days of Lent (I’m determined to complete it this go round!), and this was written specifically for me:

When you think about a problem over and over in your mind, that’s called worry.  When you think about God’s Word over and over in your mind, that’s meditation.  If you know how to worry, you already know how to meditate!  You just need to switch your attention from your problems to Bible verses.  The more you meditate on God’s Word, the less you will have to worry about.

And here’s a verse for you:

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, BELIEVE that you have received it, and it will be yours. – Mark 11: 22-24