Category: Reflections

Peace + Hope = Love

Peace + Hope = Love

by Ranada ♥ 3 Comments

I read this commentary this morning, and it really hit home.

That said, what happens after you meet and then are forced to end it with someone whose smile makes you warm inside, who you don’t mind using the bathroom in front of, whose dreams become yours?

At first, I was thinking yada yada yada, here we go again with the plight of the black educated woman.  Until I read the above quote–then my brain woke up to see the author was talking about something I’m way more interested in–perspective on love.

I’ve been in love.  In fact, I think I’m in love with being in love.  I love how I feel when I get a new crush, and I especially love how requited love feels and how having it affects me.  But what’s funny is, I’m a really cynical person, and it takes me awhile to fall.  But boy, when I do… lol!  I look forward to that connection.  What keeps me sane and hopeful, I think, is my openness to love and the possibilities. blushing day dreaming

But it took me awhile to get to this place.  My last love didn’t work out. broken heart And I had to learn that just because he was a great love, it’s not for me to decide that he was my greatEST love.  That experience showed me that despite my cynicism, my wariness, my busyness, and my plight as an educated black woman (heehee), that I have a HUGE and dynamic capacity to love.  And to love despite odds and obstacles.  Before I came to that realization (that I’m not the maker and I have no idea what’s in store for my life), I hadn’t realized that I was one of these people:

Also, many people have already experienced love and have given it a face, scent and voice.

Love isn’t that cookie cutter!  Just because love happened one way with someone doesn’t mean it’s gonna look or feel exactly like that every single time.  Love, just as life, is unpredictable!  You never know when you may turn the corner, trip, and be caught by a Prince Naveen.  And he may not be what you were looking for, but be everything you were looking for, all wrapped into one package.  And you’ll see it if you’re open to it.  [NOTE – I am NOT saying to give every Joe Blow a chance.  Please have standards, lol.  I’m just saying sometimes we overlook people because of stuff that’s not even on our list of important stuff about a mate or because we’re being beyond cynical.]  Like, Musiq said:

What would it take to be in a love I know that’s right for me?
And I know that you don’t even know me yet, but I believe that one day I’ll be where you are…

The point is, I, like the blogger, “believe the purpose of that relationship was to introduce me to love’s potential.”  All I’m saying is… be open. Be open to life’s possibilities.  Know that God thinks and is way bigger than you ever could or will be.  The experiences we encounter in life are a part of His master plan.  We should learn from them, grow from those lessons, and look forward to the situations in which we will be able to use those lessons.  And don’t be scared of loving just because you can’t see the future.  Even if it doesn’t work out one day, enjoy the positivity and the love lessons now!

Speaking of learning, those failed romances are lessons on loving.  You learn about yourself, how you love, and how to love others.  So here’s another Musiq song for ya.  Head to the sky!

The Princess and the Frog – 3 Thumbs Up

The Princess and the Frog – 3 Thumbs Up

by Ranada ♥ 5 Comments

I finally got a chance to see The Princess & the Frog this weekend, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.  In debuting its first black princess, Disney got alot right.  Here are a few of my thoughts:

1. The message was very timely and audience-conscience.  You can have a career and a man–you don’t have to choose.  I read several pre-release critiques about the movie and how we shouldn’t care about or promote little black girls being swept off their feet by men.  Well… little girls and not-so-little girls like me need to see that they don’t have to think of romance as an either-or venture.  Many of my peers work so hard and worry about their present and future family life–they (we) worry about whether they’re even capable of the balance needed.  It’s refreshing to see the princess get it all.  And to see her man support her in her career dreams.

2. The animation was spectacular.  Period.

3. Disney did a good job featuring the good and evil in the spiritual world.  I was worried that the traditional negative connotation of the voodoo culture would be overwhelming, but I think Disney did a good job of showing both sides.  The spirits were really creepy–but in my opinion, they’re reality.  And I’m glad Disney showed what can happen when you start dabbling in the dark side.  And while it was subtle, I’m glad that the movie shows that good isn’t necessarily in your face–God’s timing is what it is and if we’re diligent in doing what we’re supposed to be doing, He will work it out in the end.

4. Princess Tiana was beautiful, inside and out.  She’s gorgeous and she worked her butt off.  Of course, she had to learn that life isn’t all about working hard–it’s for our enjoyment.  I loved that she was so committed to her dream, like so many black women are.  It made me sad to see her not even taking a night off to hang out with her friends–I can relate.  That’s the beauty of the princess movies–Disney does a wonderful job of making movies that all age groups can enjoy.  There were little girls giggling throughout the movie, and so was I.  It’s important to remember that they weren’t analyzing the movie like I was.  They are able to enjoy it now with innocent, untainted minds, and then as they get older, they will be able to find new meanings every time they watch it.

5. Prince Naveen was a hottie and immature like many young guys, and I’m glad he had to step his game up before Princess Tiana paid him any mind.  Ok, he was “other”–from some random country, but he was colored and that’s enough for me.   And I loved that ALLLLLL the girls thought he was gorgeous.  Not just the black girls, not just the white girls.  He was an international hottie, and he ended up learning from and falling in love with Tiana. 🙂

6. I peeped Disney’s game.  Although the main antagonist was indeed a black man (and the first black Disney villain), there were a couple of other minor antagonists in the movie.  And they were white.  The prince’s shady assistant was white (which was interesting in itself).  And there were some dirty rednecks in the bayou.  So I think critics need to look at the big picture here.  All that was bad was not black, and I appreciate that.

7. Family was an important theme.  Tiana’s parents were a major part of who she was.  And they showed her dad as a strong black man (a king in his own right) breaking his back to take care of his family and still making the sacrifice to be there emotionally for his wife and child.  I’m happy that Princess Tiana’s connection to her parents helped her to make the right decision at the turning point of the movie.  And at the very end when the prince and princess get together, all parents were there to support, even Naveen’s who had disowned him.  They were smiling that Tiana had made such a positive impact on him.  And that’s how it should be.  Men and women are supposed to be interdependent on each other–and we should make each other better.

8. I love love love that old timey New Orleans was the setting, especially post-Katrina.  I’ve had an infatuation with New Orleans since I was little, so the setting was perfect for a child at heart like me.  I would have loved to see a second line when one of the characters passed away, but there was still some celebration.  And the music was good.  Not as great as I expected, but it was still really good.  And I love that jazz was highlighted.  Especially in Tiana’s dream scene.

9. I’m now wishing on Evangeline.  I think the storyline about the star threaded through the movie was stellar.  And we all need a little hope, yanno?

10. I can’t wait to get this movie on DVD.  I think it’s a grand addition to the Disney princess empire.  And I’m hoping in a couple of years we may get another black princess (and maybe it can be set in the Caribbean or something–that would be fun!). 😀

Reflections and Projections

Reflections and Projections

by Ranada ♥ 1 Comment

Usually in December (and intermittently throughout the year), I reflect on what’s occurred in my life and how I handled it all, and I try to reconcile that with what God would have had me do and what lessons I should be learning.

Well, the big thing I learned this year was about my focus.  It’s easy to focus on the positive when positivity abounds.  But it’s not so easy when bullshit and hurt and selfishness and overall negativity surround me.  BUT it’s not impossible.  When trouble comes around, the first thing on my to-do list is try to name 5 things I’m happy about.  Sometimes I have to drill all the way down to the things we take for granted. You know, like having breath. Or functioning limbs.  Or a roof over my head. Parents who love me.  And this is an ongoing lesson–I’m still getting over many things that occurred over the course of 2009, but it’s all about perspective.  Yes, I’m affected, but I have to let the positivity affect me and battle that negativity.

Another thing I’ve had quite a difficult time learning, and I didn’t know I had to relearn it until I had to deal with conflicts, was that I don’t do what I do for people.  I do what I do because it’s in my spirit and my make-up.  God made me a person who spends her days striving to use my talents to help other folks.  This year, I was in a position on more than one occasion of serving a great number of people, some of whom were very inconsiderate, very rude, very contentious, and very negative.  And I had to battle with myself consistently on staying in that position.  If I could have quit, I would have. In a heartbeat.  The problem with me, though, is that I’m not a quitter.  Once I’ve committed to something, I follow through with it, even when I’m miserable.  But why was I miserable?  Because I let a small group, maybe 10% of the people I serve, who were loud and silly, matter.  I let them drive me up the mickeyfickey wall, just because they were louder than the other people who either don’t bother me at all or who really are supportive.  Perspective.

So since my Road to 29 commenced, I’ve tried to be intentional about my positivity and what I spend my time thinking about.  It’s still hard, of course, but not as hard as it was when I didn’t realize that I was getting duped by the devil’s antics.  So I’m ignoring the negativity–not giving them the benefit of acknowledgement.  And lemme tell you–when you channel positivity and don’t allow yourself to feed into the world’s negativity, you touch people.  You never know what people are going through or what they’re searching for.  I got an email this morning.  Someone who’s been having a rough time of it lately reached out to me just because I was positive in an email and the positivity reached out and grabbed her.  She didn’t see me.  She saw the God I’ve been latching on to, trying to keep myself out of the dumps I find myself in when I rely on myself and my own emotions.

So my projections–in 2010, the year that signifies perfection and divine completion, I will focus on the miracle.  I will strive to let the positivity outweigh the negativity, even when I’m being mistreated or when life throws me blows.  I will expect the unexpected because God is awesome and He knows what He has for me.  I will try my best to remember that someone I may not even realize is watching me may need to see the God in me, so I need to let him shine through.

Now, it’s time for another installment of Road to 29–pampering myself. 🙂 But I’ll leave you with my theme song for Road to 29/2010.

But the impossible is God’s chance to work a miracle, a miracle… So just know it ain’t over until God says it’s over. It ain’t over until God says it’s done.  Keep fighting until your victory is won.

Another Quote

Another Quote

by Ranada ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I got this from one of my besties this morning. 🙂 Enjoy!

This is my wish for you:

Comfort on difficult days,

smiles when sadness intrudes,

rainbows to follow the clouds,

laughter to kiss your lips,

sunsets to warm your heart,

hugs when spirits sag,

beauty for your eyes to see,

friendships to brighten your being,

faith so that you can believe,

confidence for when you doubt,

courage to know yourself,

patience to accept the truth,

Love to complete your life.”

Perspective

Perspective

by Ranada ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Life is short.

Break the rules.

Forgive quickly.

Kiss slowly.

Love truly.

Laugh uncontrollably

& Never regret anything that made you smile.

So Many Thanks

So Many Thanks

by Ranada ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I spent 9 days in my hometown.  And it’s a testament to the fact that I’m moving into a different phase of my life because I was not diving into my car on the last day.  I was really sad to leave.  Being around my family and in my hometown really makes me feel like a more complete person.  If I didn’t love my job as much as I do, I would be in relocation mode I think.  I think the Sagittarius in me feels stifled.  I’m ready to roam, even if there’s a chance I would be roaming back to the place from which I roamed years ago (or maybe I’ll roam northward or across some great body of water–who knows, but I’m getting restless and feeling unfulfilled).

The week was filled with various emotions, but overall, I’m thankful.  For the ability to feel and handle those emotions, to have people who love me, to have been able to spend time with my remaining grandparents, to have a base that reminds me of what’s important and can reel me back in when I’m wandering too far.  So my birthday was last Monday, and since then, I have embarked on my Road to 29 mission.  Instead of waiting until 2010 to start a new year, I started one Tuesday.  This year I’m making myself my priority.  And I’m not just saying the trite cliche that you hear around New Year’s Eve.  I’ve already started exercising and eating better and making time for what makes me sane.  So I may chronicle some of it here, but y’all know how I get when I’m busy.  🙂 One of my goals, though, is to go back to what I said before and delete some of this busyness.  Especially when alot of it no longer makes me happy or is even vaguely enjoyable.

As I’ve alluded to in my blog once or twice, this year I’ve grappled a lot with my spiritual health.  A lot has happened in 2009 that affected me to the core, but this week, I felt some sense of Walk in the Light/beautiful light/ain’t it wonderful how the light shines and some You told me you could keep me/but I’ve turned it away…Feeling so very weak/you say I can be strong/I feel I’ve gone too far/You tell me to come home/You love me still. I guess it’s just something about that verse “Train up a child…” because spending some prolonged time in the place where I was trained just helped me feel reconnected.

Now, I have plenty to blog about from the last week.  Including a part two to my blog about the proposed merging of schools in MS and a couple of stories from my hometown adventure.  So I will (seriously… I really will!).  Until then, I’ll leave you with a hymn my pastor led us in yesterday at church.  Be blessed!

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Ev’rything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Ev’rything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged,
Take it to the Lord in prayer:
Can we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness,
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Saviour, still our refuge;
Take it to the Lord in prayer:
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer;
In His arms He’ll take and shield thee;
Thou wilt find a solace there.

What Would Our Ancestors Say?

What Would Our Ancestors Say?

by Ranada ♥ 2 Comments

This article really spoke to me today.  It’s something I think about quite regularly, so I’m glad someone who’s not lazy/distracted about posting like she should wrote her thoughts out.  🙂  One of my favorite parts:

Celebrating the freedom of not being a slave is like celebrating a father for taking care of his children: You’re supposed to take care of your children, so why should that be celebrated? To a soul in bondage, however, anything above and beyond basic human rights should be counted a positive. Right?

You don’t stick a knife in a man’s back nine inches and then pull it out six inches and say you’re making progress. – Malcolm X

So check check it out.

Back To The Future: What Would They Say? | Clutch Magazine: The Digital Magazine for the Young, Contemporary Woman of Color.

Let those negative folks get off the bus.

Let those negative folks get off the bus.

by Ranada ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

The truth makes you go hmm, don’t it?!  Growing up, I was always a loner.  That weird girl who was pretty enough to have friends, but still a little too smart for some people’s tastes, even teachers occasionally.  I was daring, even though I didn’t know I was–I was just really certain of myself and my knowledge.  As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become a little more mainstream–still misunderstood a great deal of the time, but I “fit in” alot more.  Well, sometimes the misunderstandings and the attacks on my character by people who either don’t know me, haven’t taken the time to know me, or who are just haters in general get into my psyche and leads to a decrease in daring.  I go into hands off mode, even though I know something is wrong.  I keep my mouth closed, even though being passive is not generally who I am.  Sometimes that gets me down, but sometimes, I realize that it’s just as daring to let unimportant people talk to themselves, to save my breath and my words for someone who can have a productive conversation or even debate, if needed.  I will never think I’m always right–but I am confident that I’m someone everyone should want on their brainstorming, strategic planning team.  And that fact doesn’t depend on anyone, not even those who disregard my value.

To achieve greatness, you just need to let those naysayers or know-it-alls who don’t know a damn thing get off the bus so that you can keep it moving.

The Present can help you understand the Past sometimes.

The Present can help you understand the Past sometimes.

by Ranada ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Experience is a good teacher. – Miki Howard

Since the death of my grandfather, I’ve been hyper-sensitive and aware of what I’m feeling and how various experiences have affected my life.  This weekend, Rick came in town to cheer me up (we went to Six Flags and grilled on my deck!) and to do a little work around my house, and I realized in an active way that I’ve been emotionally abused before. While I’m sure I knew that, it became real to me this weekend.  My ex, who I’ve nicknamed HolyRoller in another blog, really took a toll on me.  His knowledge of Bible verses and proclivity to pray with me and appearance of “fitting in” with my idea of a good future eased me into dropping my guard down and letting his use of Bible verses to insult me or win arguments and judgmental attitudes and position that he could hear from God and thus not consider my position on anything become a regular way of life for me.  I was in that relationship for only about 6 months, but it has had long-reaching negative impacts on me.

The week before my granddaddy’s funeral, I woke up a few nights in tears and called Rick, who woke up and ministered to me.  Although he doesn’t quote Bible verses daily, he has been there for me spiritually, reminding me Who holds tomorrow and has perfect timing when I didn’t want to accept that for myself.  Rick and I have a past, chock full of ups and downs, and my temper has gotten rather severe over the years, but he’s been quite patient with me as I calm my nerves, even when I’ve gone off for no tangible reason.  So, Saturday, I shouldn’t have been surprised when he saw how chaotic my room has become and decided to put organizing my room on our to-do list instead of quoting Proverbs 31 and telling me I’m less than a woman, as HolyRoller did.  But I was surprised–because I realize that I’ve had a poor self-image based on my organization skills despite the rest of my skills just because of one person who instead of being helpful was judgmental. (Background information – he was around when I moved into my house and I chose him to help me move in because he said that he would help me organize before I got settled since that’s one of his strengths. But he said that a Christian woman would be able to figure it out/pray for God to increase her housekeeping skills, whether he helped or not. Go figure.)

And as I continue to do a self-assessment, I know my church activity and excitement about being in His house drastically waned since that experience.  I find myself wondering how I could have been so oblivious to my own health that I would allow one experience with someone to derail my relationship with God, one that I’ve been building since I was a child.  I had some real issues with the man upstairs for even letting me deal with him.  But in the last few months, I’ve been working on that and rebuilding my relationship.

And although I don’t think about HolyRoller often and don’t talk to him at all, I’m getting to a place where I can look back and figure out the purpose of that interaction.  I haven’t had that clear lightbulb moment, but I am getting hints here and there.  And for one thing, I know that in my quest for a God-fearing man, I don’t have to find one that speaks in King James version, but one that acts like the Word is ingrained him and will love me unconditionally, knowing that none of us are perfect, not even me, the girl who was been blessed with a ton of gifts and talents and sometimes gets tired of being held to the highest expectations.  I need someone who understands that although I am a strong-willed person, even I am weak at times and it’s ok.  Someone who likes me even when my hair is a hot mess and I don’t feel like putting on matching clothes or makeup (oh boy, I looked crazy this weekend).  Someone who will let me comfortable just being me with no pretenses or explanations.

Of course, I can’t see the future, and I don’t know what the future holds for Rick and me, but I do know that I am super appreciative of the stability and understanding and help he’s provided this second go-round and I have very high hopes.  Some may not “get” us or understand the connection we have, but it’s obvious to me.  He gets me, and he lets me be me, as weird or as all over the place or as high-strung or as paradoxical or as unorganized as I can be at times.  He balances me out, and God knew I needed that balance right now.  I’m working daily on a better me, and I’m happy to have people in my life that support that effort.

In Loving Memory

In Loving Memory

by Ranada ♥ 9 Comments

(written yesterday)

Today we buried my granddaddy.  He was a true patriarch, and he was one of those people I always thought was invincible.  I know he had to go, and I know he is in a much better place, but it’s still really hard.  As I sat at the funeral and read his obituary and listened to people reflect on their interactions with him, I really reflected on how much he has influenced my family.

My granddaddy, Will Henry (W.H.) Robinson, Jr., was a really kind man who loved to help people.  And he was very aware of his community and his family.  He was a role model to us, but to so many other people too.  He was a hands-on grandfather, and each of us grandkids thought we had the sweetest sugar in the world.  I think one of the things that makes me most sad is that my future kids won’t get to play his version of patty cake or to know what it’s like running up the path to his seat in the front yard to slap him with some sugar.  And I’m the last one of his granddaughters without my own family, so he won’t be able to see me in the gown or have “the talk” with my future hubby.  My grandparents had been married for 61 years, and they still looked at each other with googly eyes like it was still 1948.  My grandma was my granddaddy’s china doll, and he showed us all how a man should treat his wife and provided a frame of reference for a successful marriage even when our own parents’ marriages were failing.  I pray that I’ll end up in a happy, loving marriage with a husband who looks at me like I’m his world even when we hit our 80s.

What I see in myself, though, is my granddaddy’s love for community, which was passed down through my daddy and drilled in by my mom.  My granddaddy was a true pillar.  He was a historian, and he used his knowledge of the city, and particularly the western part of it, to help people.  He did a lot on his own, donating fruit to kids every Christmas, organizing the first black golf club to be chartered in the state, managing and coaching a semi-pro baseball team (Homestead Greys), and also with his Masonic Lodge and his church.  He knew public officials and other influential people in the city, but like the pastor who gave the eulogy today said, they knew him.  And my granddaddy used his contacts to make a difference.  Most of all, he was an entrepreneur, and he was a real life example of economic empowerment.  In 1957, my granddaddy opened Robinson Shoe Shop and used it as a means of livelihood and as a means of blessing others.  Working miracles with old and beat up shoes, he was an upstanding businessman who handed down the trade and the ability to work with people to his sons.  I’ve never in my life heard anyone accuse my granddaddy of shady business practices.  And he had customers of all colors.  I’ve always said that economic empowerment requires getting people outside your particular community to spend and leave their money in it to create some community circulation of dollars.  Well, guess who I had to learn that from.

So now, I will cherish the rest of my family.  I will do a better job of checking on my grandma and my other grandfather.  I can’t imagine what my grandma is going through after losing the love of her life.  I used to write her letters because she loves to read (who does that sound like lol), so I will definitely start back writing her just to make sure she knows how much I love her and think about her.  I’d actually like to write a family history book, so maybe I’ll get her to help me with that.  And I’ll definitely keep working on being the type of person that my granddaddy was and that he’d be proud to see.

I’ve always been the quiet, reserved one who was protected by the rest of my cousins.  (Hey, I’m the youngest granddaughter.)  But I need to step up and integrate all the stuff I’ve come to love doing as an adult on my own with my family life.  I love traveling, so I plan to take some trips so I can really get to know some relatives who are a little distant (like my granddaddy’s niece and her kids or my  grandma’s brothers).  I love community development, so I will continue to be vested in my hometown and what’s going on with Robinson Shoe Shop (which was reopened in 2002 by my daddy and my uncle Teddy).  I will try to think of my granddaddy’s death as a charge to accept a promotion to a higher post with greater responsibility in family.  I’m no longer just a little cousin.  I have tons of little cousins who are now who my cousins and I used to be.  It’s the progression of life, I suppose, and through my tears and after they’ve dried up, I will use my granddaddy’s memory as an inspiration.