Happily Ever After

Happily Ever After

Last night a friend of mine posed the question:

What happens after happily ever after?

I replied that there is no after after the after. Got that?
“Happily ever after” is the rest of time. After the story ends, no matter what else happens during “happily ever after,” the main characters will be okay.  They will overcome obstacles, and life will continue to be worth living.

So why have I been searching for “happily ever after”?  I’m already in it! My life is definitely worth living, and I already know through the blood of Christ, that I’ve already overcome all of my obstacles.  Every minute of every day won’t be “happy,” but I know that through my pain, I find greater appreciation for joy.  Because of all the goodness in my life, I can find joy in my life despite hardships and disappointments.

You have to find “ever after” with the Most High.  It really is all about perspective.  What do we choose to focus on?  Would you rather worry or meditate?  Both require focus–the only difference is the object of that focus.  For instance, I have had some romantic failures.  I am lonely.  Long term companionship seems to evade me.  BUT should I focus on that? Or should I focus on my family, my friends, all my wonderful accomplishments and triumphs, all the projects I have going, all the dreams that I know will one day come to fruition…  Umm, my life is kinda awesome.  No really… It is.

As a dear friend told me during a crying spell, if the only thing wrong is my loneliness and I have everything else pretty much going well, why am I spending my energy on the loneliness?  As I continue to move forward in life, I have to trust that “one day my prince will come” (and stay).  And positivity comes from focusing on all the great stuff.  It’s like the serenity prayer says:

Romance is not the only piece to that “happily ever after” thing.  But having a relationship with Christ is.

It’ll take a whole other post to discuss it, but once we as human beings submit to Christ and reflect his light, we are then able to submit to one another.  I look forward to the day I will reflect the light of some great man who will cherish and adore me.  But until then, I’ll be patient. I am okay with rolling solo, being who I was made to be.

Erykah Badu, as y’all know, is one of my favorite artists.  And she captured what’s in my heart very well in this song.  Enjoy.

I’m an orange moon, reflecting the light of the Son (sun)…

I’m an orange moon, and I shine so bright cuz I reflect the light of my Sun
I praise the day He turned my way and smiled at me
He gets to smile and I get to be orange

Life Lessons on MARTA

Life Lessons on MARTA

So, at lunch, I decided to take a trek on MARTA to support a friend (Black Tie BBQ – check them out for delish food!!), and as fate would have it, I’d have a lightbulb moment randomly.  Which makes sense.  I live by randomness, it seems.

Anywho, on to the lesson.  Currently, I’m reading Blackgammon, which is the story of two black American women who are searching for love (or maybe running from it) and freedom in Europe. The book has been right on time, so naturally, I was really into it when it was time for me to change trains at Five Points.  As I stood on the platform waiting for a westbound train, enthralled by my book, I heard the whir of a train pass me.  I looked up and saw the lights of the train leaving me.  Oh no! I thought…  I have to wait 6 whole minutes for the next train.  Sheesh!  Me and this dangblasted book.  How in the world did I completely not hear the train when it arrived?  (Another reason is because it was a short train–the Bankhead train, which is about half the size of a normal MARTA train and I was too far down on the platform.)

So I moved closer to the center of the platform and took a seat and began reading again, careful to glance up every minute or so at the sign announcing the wait time for the next train.  The next train came. Something felt very wrong about it as I stood there missing another train.  Then it dawned on me!  I wasn’t supposed to catch that train–it’s going in the wrong direction!  I was supposed to be waiting on the eastbound train!!  Too hot (and lazy) to run, I took my time and went around the station to get to the eastbound platform.  And sure enough, when I got to the platform, a train came.  Right on time.

<MESSAGE!>

In life, sometimes things seem to be going right and then suddenly, something happens to derail all of it and you’re left wondering “How in the world did that happen?”  Or sometimes although things are great, you come to a unexpected juncture, and you think you’re going the right way, but then you realize that way has a barbed wire fence blocking it.  Maybe, just maybe, it’s there for a reason. Maybe that missed out opportunity wasn’t what you were supposed to be doing anyway.  Maybe it would have taken you in the wrong direction, on to the wrong path.  Maybe once you realize that and go to where you need to be, what you need will be there, waiting on you–always right on time.

Disappointments come.  They’re a part of life.  But the perspective surrounding those disappointments can be positive if you remember that everything happens for a reason and the way they’re supposed to.  You just need to be aware and open for some clarity and enlightenment.

There’s a reason for everything that comes and goes…

The Intermittent Rigamarole of My Life

The Intermittent Rigamarole of My Life

Yes, rigamarole is a real word.

From dictionary.com:

rig·a·ma·role (rĭg’ə-mə-rōl’) 
n. Variant of rigmarole.

rig·ma·role (rĭg’mə-rōl’) 
n.

  1. Confused, rambling, or incoherent discourse; nonsense.
  2. A complicated, petty set of procedures.

When things that seem to make all the sense in the world become confusing and chaotic, what do you do?  I am looking forward to clearing my mind with some hot yoga in the morning.  I know that all things work out the way they’re supposed to, but it’s sometimes difficult for me to shift to find the new perspective.  Oh, I will shift.  Without a doubt.  But there’s a delayed reaction. Maybe (hopefully) it’s just for a little while.  And by little while, I mean a quick moment.  Lofty, but possible, right?  It’s just hard being vulnerable and not in control.  But ever the risk taker, I can’t help but try, even if it ends in failure. I bump my head and get back up after as soon as I’m no longer dizzy.

So until I make that shift that facilitates my ability to have a positive perspective, this is for me and anyone else there that is having some trouble sorting stuff out.

Be still, young heart, and never will you fall apart.
Be wise, my dear, you must learn to just be still
Until you really really know.
Show me your eye, shine your light, I wonder when will i know.

Love and Randomness

Love and Randomness

Love is in the air.  While it seems to be darting every which-a-way when it enters a 5 yard radius of me, it’s so great to see my friends swooning and being wooed. Black love exists!! (Despite the media alarms that it’s endangered–it still exists.) It’s something special to see your friends giddy and grinning.  What’s more uplifting than the aura of love infused in the atmosphere?  Positivity is contagious!  Let it infect you!

There’s nothing like the feeling of a new connection.  The stolen glances at the guy across the room whose good looks caught your eye. The charming smile sent your way to acknowledge that the interest is mutual.  The instant spark you feel as soon as he enters your energy field to introduce himself and find out who you are.  The natural flirting that neither of you can help.  It feels great when you go out on your first (and second and third) date and your heart flutters as he dotes on you and stares into you, learning you, allowing himself to be learned.  And it’s astounding when you could talk to him until daylight or when you can sit with him without a word spoken.

It’s really only supposed to work out once–which means it won’t work out who knows how many times before that.  Although I sometimes kick myself for being (maybe too) open and vulnerable, I wouldn’t trade those immensely charged feelings of being connected to someone, desire, anticipation, hope, inspiration, promise for the hope of never feeling disappointed, rejected, abandoned.  You won’t know if it’s meant to be unless you step out on faith and see.

Love is in the air.  Jump up and grab some.

Be true to you.

Be true to you.

I got an extremely random set of text messages today, and it got me thinking. I want to share with you my conclusion from the exchange.

Lesson of the Day:  Be true to yourself. Consider advice from others, but make your own decisions. Follow your own heart and conscience.  At the end of the day, no one will live with ur regrets but you. So why be bound by other people’s opinions?

I was blessed to have parents who believed in letting me be me.  When I was faced with the decision of whether or not to skip my senior year of high school and start college at 16, my mom said, “This one is on you.  I’m not going to make this decision for you and have you resenting me one day if you don’t do what you really want.”  I will always remember those words.

I truly believe everything happens as they are supposed to–but how we feel about all of everything depends on several factors.  Attitude and perspective (during and after the fact) are part of it, but our regrets play a major role as well.

Listen up.  You only have one life.  Live it the way you’re led to live it.  Don’t depend on anyone else to bestow upon you the dreams they have.  Accept the ones God puts inside of you, and pursue those.  Don’t wait for anyone’s permission.  DO YOU.

Much Ado with a Jumbled Mind

Much Ado with a Jumbled Mind

Ever so often, I’m bogged down with a bunch o’ thoughts swirling around nonstop in my head.  Last night despite aromatherapy, I just could not go to sleep.  What to do??  After lying awake for an hour or more with no promise of drowsiness, I got up, grabbed my journal, which has been heavily neglected lately, and wrote. And wrote. And wrote. And got all those haphazard thoughts out.  Then I meditated.  And I followed my heart.

Then I put my head on my pillow and got some rest.

Love Quote of the Day

Love Quote of the Day

I had to love myself enough to say “no” to the good and leave room for the “great”.

Hug yourself!

When folks tell you you’re too “picky” or when you’re considering staying in some janky situation in which you’re not happy or fulfilled, think of this quote! By the way, I got it from this article (Choosing a Better Kind of Love) .

I’m also co-signing this blog post (Stop It with the Ugly Girl Problems (Unless You’re an Ugly Girl)).  Don’t settle for less!

Be blessed, folks!

Speech: Live on Purpose

Speech: Live on Purpose

Today, I gave a speech at my Toastmasters meeting.  I had been putting this speech assignment off for the last month because I just wasn’t amped about any topics.  Last night, right before bed, though, I was given inspiration.  And lemme tell ya, when I’m inspired, I can’t be stopped.  I went to sleep with an issue on my heart, and I woke up with this speech in my brain.  I didn’t read it the entire delivery (working on my speaking skills so I can’t be at the lectern reading the whole time!), so I’m sure I didn’t say exactly what’s written below, but you get the gist.  Enjoy!

I had another speech planned, but last night, my godsister Schana had to be taken to the hospital because of complications with her diabetes.  I was told that she has to have a toe amputated.  This, of course, led me to think about a college classmate and friend of mine named Nakemia, who passed away last year due to complications with her diabetes. I also thought about my 17-year-old mentee Bria who has diabetes and had to learn to give herself insulin shots when she was in elementary school.  At first, as I thought of people I love who have been taken and affected by diseases, such as breast cancer, kidney cancer, and heart disease, I thought that I would write a new speech about diseases that affect our communities, but then it dawned on me—there’s another lesson here.  One that is much less dismal.  WE have to live our lives to the fullest because life and health aren’t promised.  We must live with intention—so today, I want to encourage each of you to live on purpose, starting with these three tips: love yourself, strive to accept your calling, and don’t put off until tomorrow what you could do today.

The first tip seems very simple, but putting it to action isn’t always so easy.  Love yourself.  What does that really mean?  Well, you should make yourself a priority and take care of yourself.  So many times, as human beings who love others, we put others before ourselves and forget to do what we need to do: eat properly, exercise regularly, get adequate rest, meditate, have fun.  When you first get on a flight, what does the flight attendant say?  If there is a loss of cabin pressure, a person should put on his or her OWN oxygen mask FIRST, and then put on the mask of someone needing assistance.  This is because loss of oxygen is disorienting, and in order to help someone else, you need to be keen and alert with all your senses.  This can be applied to life in general.  When you’re at your best, you can do a much better job of helping other people than you can when you’re mediocre, or just making it.  One thing I’ve started doing for myself is going to Bikram yoga, also called hot yoga, which is a form of yoga performed in a 103-105 degree room.  Sounds like death, right?  Well, it’s actually very refreshing.  The heat allows me to zone out and clear my head and center myself while focusing on my poses, challenging my balance and increasing my flexibility.  It’s great for meditation.  I feel like a thousand bucks after each and every session.  Whatever your method, make yourself a priority today!

Once you’re actively loving yourself, you can be much more effective in other people’s lives.  I strongly believe that everyone has a calling, and living on purpose requires my second tip: strive to accept your calling.  Who knows the Bible story of Jonah and the whale?  Well, briefly, God told Jonah, who was from Galilee, to go to Nineveh, which was enemy territory. He was to go and preach to the Ninevites and get them to repent.  Well, Jonah was not hearing that, and he ran away, which many of us do by ignoring that urge we all get to do something.  He ended up being thrown overboard a ship and swallowed by a whale, all to end up doing what he was supposed to do in the first place.  By living up to our purpose for being here, we live intentionally.  As you all know, I do a lot of community service, and one of the things I love most is tutoring and spreading the joys of math. nerd smug But it’s not just about tutoring, it’s about being there for my students when they need me and being a positive role model for kids.  One of my current students, a 9th grader who lost her mom some time ago, told me last week that she wanted to drop out of school because of family issues.  That really disturbed me and even after I had a long talk with her, reminding her of all her goals, the importance of education, and all the activities at school she loves, I still thought about her all weekend and came up with a strategy to use if my talk didn’t help.  When I saw her last night, she was back in good spirits.  She had changed her mind, and she reached out to me, asking me to spend more time with her this summer even after our tutoring sessions were over.  I decided then to make it my mission to make sure she gets through the next 3 years of high school.  I don’t do these things for pats on the back—I do them because I was called to.  It’s a part of living on purpose.

Finally, don’t put off until tomorrow what you could do today.  We all do it.  Oh, I’ll call my brother tomorrow.  I’ll fix up that old cabinet next weekend.   I’ll reorganize my office soon.  I’ll go get a massage when I have time.  I’ll donate to a charity once I get a raise.  Don’t keep putting off your goals and wants and needs.  Do them now.  Be intentional with your life!  Write down your list of tasks and give yourself a deadline to get them done.  Log on to Google calendar and put them where you can see them and set reminders.  But also, when you feel an urge to do something small but thoughtful—call a loved one, or write a letter or send a card to someone, or ask a friend to go to dinner, just do it.  Don’t wait until next week.  Life is not promised.  And you never know—that urge may have been God-sent.  That person may have needed that at that moment.  I was near a friend’s house yesterday and although it was 9 o’clock, I called her and asked her if she had eaten.  Although she wasn’t at home, she was still touched that I had thought about her.  It’s the little things sometimes.

So today, in the midst of all the chaos in the world, I want each of us to live on purpose.  We need to love ourselves, strive to accept our callings, and do today what we can do today.  Thanks.

Using My Talents

Using My Talents

Well, the Gospel Extravaganza is tomorrow, and I’m experiencing several emotions.  I’m excited, worried, nervous, and the list goes on.  But most of all, what started out as a marketing ploy has really become an aha moment.  I decided to join the lineup in hopes that people I know would come out just to hear me sing.  Because I’m not so diligent in finding opportunities to use all of my talents, there are a ton of people who have no idea I can sing.  And the one time I sang on a stage in GA in 2007, it was kinda iffy.  I dunno why.  Well, yeah I do.  I was nervous, I was upset about my hair, I was ready for the event to be over, and a ton of other issues.

I joined the choir at my church a couple of years ago, but I haven’t made my Thursday free in order for me to go to choir rehearsal so that’s been a bust.  Last year, I sang as one half of a duet in my line sister’s wedding, and that was exhilarating! So why haven’t I made singing a priority? *shrug* I don’t really know.  So I was UBER nervous before rehearsal last night, but when I got that mic in my hand and let the notes start flowing, I was back in my element.  So when will I give all my talents some attention?  I definitely don’t want to lose any of them, especially not my voice.  I just have so many that I struggle to understand why they were given to me or what I’m supposed to do with them or how they fit together with each other (if they do at all!).  I mean, singing is something I love.  Even though Smokie is the only one who hears me on a regular basis. :-/  I definitely need to get with it!

When I sing, I express and fully feel emotions that aren’t normally expressed by me.  I can be a somewhat a-emotional person.  I’m kind of an extremist.  Either I’m not expressive at all or I blow up.  Never too much in the middle.  But when I sing, emotions relevant to the song just well up and overflow.  Happiness, excitement, sadness, hurt, anger, anxiety, hope, enthusiasm, all of it.  There’s a song that parallels anything I’m feeling and can’t quite get out.  Music just does something to my soul.  So here’s to sanging, and here’s to a successful concert on tomorrow!